Denver and the Dems
Submitted by richardmyers on Mon, 08/25/2008 - 03:46
(Some scattered observations on the ridiculous)
Since we've known the Dems were coming, Denverites have noticed some
dramatic changes in the Mile-High City. Not every development has
been praiseworthy; for example, in the very city that declares small
amounts of cannibis a low priority for law enforcement, we've
experienced the embarrassment of a City Council obsessed with illegal
possession-- of urine and feces. Elected officials blame their
bathroom ordinance on protesters, whom they accuse of harboring
nefarious and disgusting plans. But as far as we can tell, the
Council's potty preoccupation has been a preemptive pipe dream that
should have been flushed at conception.
There have been other ridiculous rules. Even as we've been
relentlessly buzzed by military helicopters, and overflown by fighter
jets, we don't dare fly our radio-controlled model airplanes within
30 miles of the Pepsi Center. I'm thinking what it might be like to
get caught and having to do the hard time: "Whatcha in for kid?"
"Felonious possession of a paper airplane..."
All the high-level discussions about stun guns and Mark IV pepperball
launchers have been delivered with assurances that Denver will not
look like a police state. What a relief; good to know we've only
imagined our kids had a new favorite pastime, guessing which machine-
gun toting, riot-gear clad ninja turtles are Homeland Security
flunkees, and which ones might be Blackwater.
Speaking of which, what are all those "hidden assets" they keep
telling us about? Are they keeping Karl Rove in reserve?
Meanwhile there has been Orwellian talk of "counter-snipers" on the
government payroll. Raises the question: to have a counter-sniper,
don't you first have to have a sniper? Pretty soon we'll no longer
have the U.S. Marines, we'll only have the Counter-Marines. See how
the frame of reference changes? Suddenly its always the other guy's
fault, no matter who starts the ruckus.
We've noticed cameras on most every street in the downtown area.
Surely they're just making videos for traffic congestion studies. We
can take heart from the great job Denver has done in destroying all
existing copies of their spy file databases, right? Hey everyone, no
need to worry about privacy, Denver is just experimenting with Google-
Earth in real time!
And all those videos of everyone's license plates could be quite
helpful-- the spouse can call the local PD to discover where you're
stuck in traffic.
With the DNC in full swing, traffic gridlock once noticed at rush
hour can now be enjoyed at all hours... Those of us unfortunate
enough to rely upon automobiles are a bit jealous when bicycles glide
past. Yet bicyclists aren't so lucky; their bike locks and key-chain
carabiners have been outlawed due to well-known terroristic
potentialities. Better a stolen bike or lost keys than a cop
subjected to that most awful of predicaments, confronting a potential
arrestee who puts on her own handcuffs!
But wait-- we Denverites have read in our newspapers that bicycles
themselves are possible protest weapons, with the nefarious
battlefield capability of blocking walkways. Don't buy that trike for
junior, you'll turn him into a sidewalk terrorist!
Cops have been warned that anyone in possession of nails, self-
tapping screws, tiki lamps, or wooden-handled protest signs is likely
a violent protester. As one of our friends observes, your local
hardware store is a criminal conspiracy.
Meanwhile the Dems have passed their own rules. Apparently verboten
contraband disallowed in the audience at Obama's acceptance speech
includes cowbells, frisbees, and shoes with wheels. There is talk of
kazoos, so they may be banned as well. Do you think the Dems are
practicing for when they take over?
Meanwhile any major convention brings out the supreme effort of folks
who desire delegate dollars. On Friday a convertible pulled into
traffic ahead of me, and it was difficult not to notice the g-string
adorned young woman mooning the following traffic as her partner
tossed strip club passes into open windows. (I didn't get one, so
don't ask me which club...)
Ahhh, but the character of Denver's main drag, Colfax Avenue itself
hasn't changed much; Colfax has always been the one street in Denver
that never sleeps. In some circles it is declared "the longest
commercial street in the U.S.A.", and you can find most anything on
Colfax. The thoroughfare even has its own website: http://
www.colfaxavenue.com/
Well, there is one difference overlooking the strip. Amnesty
International chose the large size when they opted for a billboard to
get the message out to any delegates who might chance to pass Colfax
and Gilpin. It is great (and to be honest, a little surreal) to see
such a high-visibility commitment to a progressive cause, right in
the heart of the city.
I think Denver ought to adopt that sign, and forget the next convention.
http://colorado.indymedia.org/node/930
