--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "jyouells2000" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> Next - Enlightenment Bank ... Stapathya Veda Line of Credit? 

Even better, an announcement similar to the following:


    MAHARISHI (tm) TM (tm) FUTURE LIFE ACCOUNTS

Realizing that the last days of Kali Yuga are a real
bitch, Maharishi has accepted the sad fact that not 
all of his faithful followers are going to realize 
their enlightenment during this lifetime. Even though
this is their fault (not his, and not TM's), he has
established Maharishi (tm) Compassionate Banking 
Services, to make it easier for them to find the
True Path To Enlightenment in their next incarnation.

This is wisest of wise investments. Just look at how
much the cost of learning TM has risen since its
inception. If market costs force the price up (it's
certainly not *our* fault that the price keeps rising)
at the same rate they have risen in the last forty
years, it is estimated that by the time you reach the
age of 18 in your next incarnation, and go searching
for a TM teacher to continue your evolution along the
Highest Path, the cost of learning the basic TM tech-
nique will have risen to $200,000 US. 

Since an 18-year-old, no matter how propitious his or
her karma, is not likely to have a spare $200,000 
laying around, this presents a problem. How will you
be able to re-learn The Highest, Fastest, Most 
Effective Technique Of Meditation In The Universe
if you can't come up with the cash? You certainly
don't expect *US* to pay for it, do you? That would
be anti-evolutionary and contrary to the Laws Of
Nature.

Fortunately, with the announcement of Maharishi (tm)
TM (tm) Future Life Accounts, your problem is solved.
You just agree to put a minimum of $1000 per month
into your Future Life Account, and we take good care
of it for you, reserving it for your future use when
you (low-vibe slime that you are) reincarnate. And
the best part is that during all the intervening years
your money will be growing, earning interest at the
generous interest rate of 3.5%.

Do the math yourself and you'll see how great a deal
this is. You sign up for a Future Life Account now 
and deposit $1000 a month regularly. You wind up living
for another ten years, accumulating a principal of
$120,000. Then you die (experiencing the sting of a
thousand scorpions), and spent two years in the 
Bardo, followed by 18 years of painful, ignorant
growing up. Then, at age 18, you realize that you
want to continue your studies of meditation, and 
report to your local neighborhood Center For The
Best, Fastest, And All-Around Amazing Trancendental
Meditation Program For World Peace And Universal
Enlightenment, and there waiting for you in your
account is a big, fat $204,000.00. After certifying
that you are, in fact, the reincarnation of a Future
Life Account patron **, and after deducting our
reasonable processing fees, that means you only 
have to come up with a measly $54,000 out-of-pocket
to re-learn TM and continue on your merry way to
full enlightenment.

It's the deal of a lifetime. Or two. Sign up today!

** Naturally, we cannot allow just anyone to walk
   in off the street and claim to be a Future Life
   Account holder. So we are working on certifying
   Maharishi (tm) TM (tm) Past Life Seers. For a
   reasonable fee, these trained counselors will
   sit in lotus, roll their eyes upwards, and use
   their TM-siddhi-fueled superpowers to access
   your past-life profile and determine whether
   you are, in fact, the reincarnation of your
   former self. You can trust our counselors to
   always be right about this, because when, after
   all, have we *not* been right about everything?








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