--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "jyouells2000" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Next - Enlightenment Bank ... Stapathya Veda Line of Credit?
Even better, an announcement similar to the following: MAHARISHI (tm) TM (tm) FUTURE LIFE ACCOUNTS Realizing that the last days of Kali Yuga are a real bitch, Maharishi has accepted the sad fact that not all of his faithful followers are going to realize their enlightenment during this lifetime. Even though this is their fault (not his, and not TM's), he has established Maharishi (tm) Compassionate Banking Services, to make it easier for them to find the True Path To Enlightenment in their next incarnation. This is wisest of wise investments. Just look at how much the cost of learning TM has risen since its inception. If market costs force the price up (it's certainly not *our* fault that the price keeps rising) at the same rate they have risen in the last forty years, it is estimated that by the time you reach the age of 18 in your next incarnation, and go searching for a TM teacher to continue your evolution along the Highest Path, the cost of learning the basic TM tech- nique will have risen to $200,000 US. Since an 18-year-old, no matter how propitious his or her karma, is not likely to have a spare $200,000 laying around, this presents a problem. How will you be able to re-learn The Highest, Fastest, Most Effective Technique Of Meditation In The Universe if you can't come up with the cash? You certainly don't expect *US* to pay for it, do you? That would be anti-evolutionary and contrary to the Laws Of Nature. Fortunately, with the announcement of Maharishi (tm) TM (tm) Future Life Accounts, your problem is solved. You just agree to put a minimum of $1000 per month into your Future Life Account, and we take good care of it for you, reserving it for your future use when you (low-vibe slime that you are) reincarnate. And the best part is that during all the intervening years your money will be growing, earning interest at the generous interest rate of 3.5%. Do the math yourself and you'll see how great a deal this is. You sign up for a Future Life Account now and deposit $1000 a month regularly. You wind up living for another ten years, accumulating a principal of $120,000. Then you die (experiencing the sting of a thousand scorpions), and spent two years in the Bardo, followed by 18 years of painful, ignorant growing up. Then, at age 18, you realize that you want to continue your studies of meditation, and report to your local neighborhood Center For The Best, Fastest, And All-Around Amazing Trancendental Meditation Program For World Peace And Universal Enlightenment, and there waiting for you in your account is a big, fat $204,000.00. After certifying that you are, in fact, the reincarnation of a Future Life Account patron **, and after deducting our reasonable processing fees, that means you only have to come up with a measly $54,000 out-of-pocket to re-learn TM and continue on your merry way to full enlightenment. It's the deal of a lifetime. Or two. Sign up today! ** Naturally, we cannot allow just anyone to walk in off the street and claim to be a Future Life Account holder. So we are working on certifying Maharishi (tm) TM (tm) Past Life Seers. For a reasonable fee, these trained counselors will sit in lotus, roll their eyes upwards, and use their TM-siddhi-fueled superpowers to access your past-life profile and determine whether you are, in fact, the reincarnation of your former self. You can trust our counselors to always be right about this, because when, after all, have we *not* been right about everything? ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Yahoo! Groups gets a make over. See the new email design. http://us.click.yahoo.com/XISQkA/lOaOAA/yQLSAA/UlWolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/