[FairfieldLife] Re: Controversial monk and Dalai Lama aide replaced amid corruption accusations

[dhamiltony...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]]

NPR had an interview recently about apologies with some good concise pointers 
from a scholar about types of apology.. 

 The interview observes (quoting:) “..that more than saying.. ‘Sorry’, any good 
apology should make clear that the wrongdoer will carry some of the pain. 
Serious coda. 

 Qualifier(s) cancels out sincerity (..if you felt hurt, ..if I have left you 
down, anything I might have.. )  "Might" is the operative word, Lerner says. 
Much like "if" and "but,"..obfuscating, gaslighting apologies really are 
good lessons about how not to apologize," Lerner says.

 Saying "I'm sorry" sounds good, but psychologist Harriet Lerner says it's 
actually not necessary.  
 Lerner says, "It's not the words 'I'm sorry' that heal or soothe the harmed 
party. What the harmed party wants and needs to hear is an emotionally packed 
corroboration of the reality that occurred: 'Yes, I get it. It was terrible. It 
was unconscionable. Your feelings make sense.' "  Good apologies are important, 
Lerner says, but they're not enough. Apologies do not excuse perpetrators from 
the consequences of their actions. And they do not compensate for a culture..

 Another important thing to remember while issuing an apology — any apology, 
Lerner adds — is not to ask for forgiveness.” 

 ..her new book is titled Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and 
Everyday Hurts 
https://www.npr.org/2017/11/22/565913664/how-to-apologize-for-sexual-harassment-hint-it-takes-more-than-sorry
 
https://www.npr.org/2017/11/22/565913664/how-to-apologize-for-sexual-harassment-hint-it-takes-more-than-sorry


A long time ago at the start of FairfieldLife as a Yahoo-group Rick drafted 
something that according to elements of this summary was pretty fair that could 
have been said as an apology by the TM admin back then.  Things might have gone 
differently.
 

 Back in Year-2001 this was published then about the Domes..

 
 https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/FairfieldLife/conversations/messages/7 
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/FairfieldLife/conversations/messages/7


 #

---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com,  wrote :

 Thanks, this article reads like holding a mirror up to things likewise that 
went on in TM here.  

 Evidently in Buddhism you have a process of humility that is for everyone.  
The DL just showed it, by not being above error, in understanding 
responsibility for his students, in modeling for his students, saying 
acknowledging this was an error and sorry in apology and then a thank you for 
all the students who brought this to his attention.  

 In TM fashion of guru-hinduism you get written out for bringing things like 
this out. 

 FFL 435631Re: What is Conscionable, in TM? 

---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com,  wrote :

 
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation
 
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation



  

[FairfieldLife] Re: Controversial monk and Dalai Lama aide replaced amid corruption accusations

[dhamiltony...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]]

Thanks, this article reads like holding a mirror up to things that went on in 
TM here by contrast.  

 Evidently in Buddhism you have a process of humility that is for everyone.  
The DL just showed it, by not being above error, in understanding 
responsibility for his students, in modeling for his students, his saying 
acknowledging this was an error and sorry in apology and then a thank you for 
all the students who brought this to his attention.  

 In TM fashion of guru-hinduism you get written out. 

 FFL 435631Re: What is Conscionable, in TM? 

---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com,  wrote :

 
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation
 
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation