This message is from: "Douglas Knutsen" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Hi all,
This just came in from a horsie neighbor...
Enjoy,
Peg
Peg Knutsen
www.fairpoint.net/~kffjord/
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mare's secret code of honor
The mare's secret code of honor is as old as horses
themselves and is ultimately the species best kept
secret. No mare shall ever produce a foal before it's
time. (It's time being determined by the following
factors):
1. No foal shall be born until total chaos has been
reached by all involved. Your house must be a wreck,
your family hungry and desperate for clean clothes,
and your social life nonexistent.
2. Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before
you foal out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the
inability to form a sentence mean you're getting
close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they
attach to you, foaling must be delayed by at least one
day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day, internal add three. If you
hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready. You'll be
fine while I'm away for the weekend," Wait 12 to 16
hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you
are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone
calls a day is a sign you're getting close. When you
hear the words "I can't take it anymore!" wait three
days and produce a foal.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False
alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking
at your stomach, pushing your food around in the
bucket and then walking away from it are always good
for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to
keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
7. The honor of all horses is now in your hands. Use
this time to avenge all of your stable mates. Think
about your friend who had to wear that silly costume
in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for
another day. OH, they made him do tricks too! Three
more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet,
bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged
at this time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are
still not sure when to have this foal, listen to the
weather forecast on the radio that has been so
generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm
warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of
the storm jump into action! The power could go out and
you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance
of those who wait missing the whole thing while
searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for
food each time Someone comes into the stable to check
you. Your stable mates will love you as the extra
goodies fall their way too.
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to
remind man of how Truly special horses are. Do your
best to reward those who wait with a Beautiful filly
to carry on the mare code of honor for the next
generation of those who wait!
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