This message is from: Jean Ernest <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
I copied this from the Endurance.net list archives:
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With the holidays upon us, I figure it's time to start thinking what to get
that special someone)
"PESKY HORSES GETTING YOU DOWN??
ARE YOU NOT GETTING THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE, EVEN THOUGH YOU SEEM TO
SPEND ALL DAY IN THE ROUNDPEN??
KNOW YOU'RE THE ALPHA MARE BUT THE HORSES THINK YOU'RE JUST SOME GUY??
TIRED OF FLATTENING YOUR EARS AND NO ONE SEEMS TO NOTICE??
Wellll...
Now all your dominance hierarchy problems can be a thing of the past with
our revolutionary, patented MARE-A-WEAR system!! Years of research have
gone into the design of our state-of-the-art MARE EARS. These are not like
any of the other prosthetic horse appendages currently available on the
internet. This is a quality product. We pride ourselves on our LIFELIKE faux
horsehide covering, but what sets us apart is our inner
looped-coat hanger-ear-flexion system, based on the time-tested Longstocking
model. You pin these bad boys, and they stay pinned. Simply bend ears
to desired level of menace, put on head, and tighten drawstring til secure.
NO ASSEMBLY REQUIRED! Then > enter the pasture and watch those uppity horses
change their tune. What > could be simpler?!
Enjoy our Basic system now for just $129.99 US! Basic system includes:
1. One pair of our remarkable LIFELIKE mare ears in a variety of
breeds (available in your choice of chestnut, bay, or black. Coming
soon----brown!!!)
2. Gusty winds? No problem. Even Warmblood ears stay in place with our
clever Mare-A-Wear patented drawstring attachment system!
3. "New to the Herd: A First-Timer Instruction Booklet" (Sections include:
Adjusting your Ears for Maximum Results, Look Mean Like You Mean It,
Proper care of Your Mare-A-Wear, and a helpful FAQ-"the dog ate my left
ear,can I get a replacement?" etc)
4. As a final symbol of our commitment to the pecking order, you will
receive FREE-AS OUR GIFT-our patented Equine Language Audiocassette.
Sure, it *sounds* like any old recording of Trigger neighing at
inappropriate times BUT what makes our patented Equine Language
Audiocassette the industry standard is our double-patented,
subliminally-encoded message!! Yes, you heard right! While Mr.
Big-Easyboots is munching expensive hay in that smug way of his, being
implanted in his unsuspecting psyche are the words, "you're not so hot...
you're not so hot... you're not so...". (Other variations may include
"the other horses laugh at you" , "your mother was a donkey", or "you may
step
on my feet but I could eat you at any time.") We'll just see who's Mr.
Big Alpha-Pants in the morning.
Satisfied customers speak out...
"This is more than just some fake horse ears you stick on your head; it's
a training system." B.P. Big Stick, WY.
"I never would have believed it. My rotten horse always used to push on
me, but from the very first day with MARE-A-WEAR, he just stood there
looking at me. Remarkable." S.J., Plarn, MI.
"Gentlemen, I'm sold on your MARE-A-WARE (sic) product. I have the Criollo
ears in bay, and even though I still carry a piece of rebar with me to the
pasture I'm convinced it's your LIFELIKE ears that have made the
difference." Horselover, somewhere in the Heartland
"Your MARE-A-WEAR ears put the zing back in our marriage. We hope to
someday have a horse."
R & E, via email
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Jean Ernest
Fairbanks, Alaska
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
