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This was on my Draft Horse list today...Gave me laughing fits, enjoy ! Lisa
> The Riders
>
> Natural Horsemanship devotee looks like a throwback
> from a Texas ranch, despite the fact that he grew up
> in the suburbs of NJ. Rope coiled loosely in hand
> (don't want to send any messages of tension, after
> all) in case he needs to herd any of those kids on
> rollerblades away from his/her F-350 dually in the
> WalMart parking lot. Cowboy hat is strategically
> placed, and just soiled enough to be cool. Wranglers
> are well worn, with that little wrinkle above the
> instep of the ropers, and lots of dust (well, you
> know, from the round pen) on the lower legs.
> ~
>
> Dressage Queen is freshly coifed. Not even she
> remembers her own hair color, but she has taken great
> pains to ensure that Rolf, the hairdresser, makes the
> perm and highlights look "natural." Diamond studs are
> elegant and stately, and not so large that they blind
> the judge during the entire passage-piaffe tour. $30
> dollar denim jumper worn over $300 full seat white
> breeches and custom Koenigs.
> ~~~
>
> Hunter/Jumper competitor is in an aqua polo and those
> breeches whose color could be compared to, um, well,
> okay, let's say they're khaki. The polo is so that
> folks will think they're a jumper rider until they put
> on their shirt and stock tie. Baseball cap is
> mandatory after a ride, in order to provide free
> advertising to that trainer's stable for whom they
> shell over a mere grand or so per month, and to hide
> "helmet head."
> ~
>
> Eventer is slightly hunched over. This could be from
> carrying three saddles, three bridles, three bits, and
> all related color coordinated gear to every event, or
> it could possibly be a defensive posture where he/she
> is unconsciously protecting his/her wallet, which is,
> of course, nearly empty from buying three saddles,
> three bridles, three bits and all related color
> coordinated gear. Looked down on by the H/J's as
> "people who just run their horses at fences" and by
> the DQ's as "not real dressage riders"*c Eventers are
> smugly convinced that they are in fact the only people
> in the horse world who CAN ride, since the H/J's don't
> jump real fences and the DQ's don't ride real horses.
> ~~~
>
> Endurance addict is wearing lycra tights in some neon
> color. Has not read the rule that lycra is a
> privilege, not a right. The shinier, the better, so
> that they can find her body when her mount dumps her
> down (another) ravine. Wearing hiking sneakers of some
> sort and a smear of trail dirt on the cheek. Sporting
> one of the zillions of T-shirts she got for paying $75
> to complete some other torturous ride. Socks may or
> may not match (each other).
>
>
> Backyard rider can be found wearing (in summer) shorts
> and bra, (in winter) flannel nightgown, muck boots,
> down jacket. Drives a pick-em up truck with the cab filled with dirty
> blankets and dog hair. Usually has deformed toes on
> the right foot from being stepped on in the Walmart
> sneakers that are worn for riding. Roots need touching
> up to hide the grey. 2-horse bumperpull behind barn
> filled with sawdust/hay. Can be found trying to teach
> her horse to come in the kitchen to eat so she doesn't
> have to walk all the way to the barn.
