Hi Francis,
Thank you for your careful review. We will make the changes accordingly.
For the authors issue, we will keep 5 in the authors' addresses section, and
4 in contributors section.
Thanks again,
Weiqiang
--
From: Francis Dupont francis.dup...@fdupont.fr
Sent: Monday, November 30, 2009 11:56 PM
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Cc: su...@mit.edu; zhangguoy...@mail.ritt.com.cn;
adrian.far...@huawei.com
Subject: review of draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt
I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.
Document: draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2009-11-28
IETF LC End Date: 2009-11-23
IESG Telechat date: unknown
Summary: Ready
Major issues: None
Minor issues: too many authors in Authors' Addresses (see below)
Nits/editorial comments:
- the document is heavily cut paste between sections. This makes it
like a MIB document so I have a mixed opinion about whether it is a
good thing: the document is very clear, each part stands by itself,
but it is a bit long and certainly boring to read.
- Abstract page 3: I prefer to get the LSP abbrev introducted
(the Abstract should stand by itself and LSP is not stared by
the RFC Editor as well known/doesn't need expansion)
- TOC page 6:
* extra space in 12. title
* Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments
- Introduction page 8: same concern about LSP (but in this case you can
consider it was introduced in the document title)
- 4.7 page 13 (and 5.7 page 16, 6.7 page 20, 7.7 page 24):
(T2 -T1) - (T2-T1)
- 4.8 page 13 (and 5.8 page 17, 6.8 page 20, 7.8 page 25, 8.8 page 29):
uppper - upper
- 6.6 page 20 (and 7.6 page 23):
Thus, In practice - Thus, in practice
- 8.8 page 29: eg. - e.g.,
- 12 page 39 (title): Bidirectional LSPs - Bidirectional LSPs
- 12.7.2.1 page 42 (first statement):
multiple bidirec... - Multiple bidirec...
- 18 page 49 (title): Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments
- Authors' Addresses:
* add a space after a comma (',' - ', ')
* CN - China (many!)
* Telecommunicaiton - Telecommunication?
* you have too many authors, I suggest to keep the two editors and
to put other authors in a contributors section. Look at the RFC
Editor site about how to do this.
Regards
francis.dup...@fdupont.fr
PS: spelling of Re[sS]erVation in RSVP is not uniform but this happened
12 years ago... too late to fix it.
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