Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt

2009-12-08 Thread Weiqiang Sun

Hi Francis,

Thank you for your careful review. We will make the changes accordingly.
For the authors issue, we will keep 5 in the authors' addresses section, and 
4 in contributors section.


Thanks again,
Weiqiang

--
From: Francis Dupont francis.dup...@fdupont.fr
Sent: Monday, November 30, 2009 11:56 PM
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Cc: su...@mit.edu; zhangguoy...@mail.ritt.com.cn; 
adrian.far...@huawei.com

Subject: review of draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt


I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2009-11-28
IETF LC End Date: 2009-11-23
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: too many authors in Authors' Addresses (see below)

Nits/editorial comments:
- the document is heavily cut  paste between sections. This makes it
 like a MIB document so I have a mixed opinion about whether it is a
 good thing: the document is very clear, each part stands by itself,
 but it is a bit long and certainly boring to read.

- Abstract page 3: I prefer to get the LSP abbrev introducted
 (the Abstract should stand by itself and LSP is not stared by
  the RFC Editor as well known/doesn't need expansion)

- TOC page 6:
 * extra space in 12. title
 * Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments

- Introduction page 8: same concern about LSP (but in this case you can
consider it was introduced in the document title)

- 4.7 page 13 (and 5.7 page 16, 6.7 page 20, 7.7 page 24):
 (T2 -T1) - (T2-T1)

- 4.8 page 13 (and 5.8 page 17, 6.8 page 20, 7.8 page 25, 8.8 page 29):
 uppper - upper

- 6.6 page 20 (and 7.6 page 23):
 Thus, In practice - Thus, in practice

- 8.8 page 29: eg. - e.g.,

- 12 page 39 (title): Bidirectional  LSPs - Bidirectional LSPs

- 12.7.2.1 page 42 (first statement):
  multiple bidirec... - Multiple bidirec...

- 18 page 49 (title): Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments

- Authors' Addresses:
 * add a space after a comma (',' - ', ')
 * CN - China (many!)
 * Telecommunicaiton - Telecommunication?
 * you have too many authors, I suggest to keep the two editors and
  to put other authors in a contributors section. Look at the RFC
  Editor site about how to do this.

Regards

francis.dup...@fdupont.fr

PS: spelling of Re[sS]erVation in RSVP is not uniform but this happened
12 years ago... too late to fix it.


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[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt

2009-11-30 Thread Francis Dupont
I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2009-11-28
IETF LC End Date: 2009-11-23
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: too many authors in Authors' Addresses (see below)

Nits/editorial comments:
 - the document is heavily cut  paste between sections. This makes it
  like a MIB document so I have a mixed opinion about whether it is a
  good thing: the document is very clear, each part stands by itself,
  but it is a bit long and certainly boring to read.

 - Abstract page 3: I prefer to get the LSP abbrev introducted
  (the Abstract should stand by itself and LSP is not stared by
   the RFC Editor as well known/doesn't need expansion)

 - TOC page 6:
  * extra space in 12. title
  * Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments

 - Introduction page 8: same concern about LSP (but in this case you can
 consider it was introduced in the document title)

 - 4.7 page 13 (and 5.7 page 16, 6.7 page 20, 7.7 page 24):
  (T2 -T1) - (T2-T1)

 - 4.8 page 13 (and 5.8 page 17, 6.8 page 20, 7.8 page 25, 8.8 page 29):
  uppper - upper

 - 6.6 page 20 (and 7.6 page 23):
  Thus, In practice - Thus, in practice

 - 8.8 page 29: eg. - e.g.,

 - 12 page 39 (title): Bidirectional  LSPs - Bidirectional LSPs

 - 12.7.2.1 page 42 (first statement):
   multiple bidirec... - Multiple bidirec...

 - 18 page 49 (title): Acknowledgements - Acknowledgments

 - Authors' Addresses:
  * add a space after a comma (',' - ', ')
  * CN - China (many!)
  * Telecommunicaiton - Telecommunication?
  * you have too many authors, I suggest to keep the two editors and
   to put other authors in a contributors section. Look at the RFC
   Editor site about how to do this.

Regards

francis.dup...@fdupont.fr

PS: spelling of Re[sS]erVation in RSVP is not uniform but this happened
12 years ago... too late to fix it.
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