[Goanet]LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS
From:"Sanny Vaz" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS Please don't delude yourself into thinking that you're doing that when you havesome ulterior motive in mind. You may actually be helping someone, or doingsomething for them, but if you do it with a secret, selfish motive, it just isn't the same thing. You may fool everyone else, but you'll find it almost impossible to fool yourself.. Oh, there are many people who put up a great front of total altruism. RB > Great article ! this article applies to most us - yes , including myself. rene
[Goanet]LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS
LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS (Part 2/2) Please dont delude yourself into thinking that youre doing that when you have some ulterior motive in mind. You may actually be helping someone, or doing something for them, but if you do it with a secret, selfish motive, it just isnt the same thing. You may fool everyone else, but youll find it almost impossible to fool yourself.. Oh, there are many people who put up a great front of total altruism. Virtually everything they do is to help others, or so they would have you believe. But down deep they know that they choose the people for whom they wish to do things for purposes of their own. Either that or they have a martyr complex which they have to satisfy, which is just as selfish a reason for helping others as any other.. Be honest now, would you go as far out of your way for someone who meant absolutely nothing to you as you would for a person who might throw some business your way, or who might return the favor in one fashion or another? I think not. Dont get me wrong, Im suggesting that every time you do something for someone it has to be completely unselfish and altruistic. As I said before, not only is this impossible, but not too desirable either. On the other hand, if you never help anyone without a selfish motive in mind (and too many of us go through life behaving this way) you will have a tough time relieving that loneliness. Forget what you want for a moment, and think of what the other person wants. If you will only realize, that everyone has basically the same desires and hopes that you do, you may find this easier to do. I dont wish to go into a lot of examples of how certain people attain their own desires while earnestly striving for others. You can observe such examples in our daily life and find more in the biography of any successful person; in any book which teaches you how to attain, or prepares you for, success. Youll discover the truth of this once you really and earnestly try doing for others as you would for yourself. No I dont mean Do unto others, etc. I mean do for others. Ive been a little careful about following the Golden Rule too literally, because it does not take into consideration the completely different tastes and preferences of different people Doing unto others, as you would have them do unto you is fine when you know that the others in question like the same things that you do. As an extreme example, I certainly wouldnt be too happy about a masochist applying the golden rule to me! What he would have others do unto him, I can live without! To get back on track I think youll find that showing an honest interest, and having an honest interest, in others will cause others to be more interested in you. This will create just a little nick in that iron constitution of the private I but enough to make it just a bit less private. From here on in, instead of thinking of yourself, or of what youre going to say next, when someone talks to you, listen to him! Feign that attention at first, if you have to, ti will soon become real enough.. I have never yet met anybody, from any walk of life, from whom I havent learned something. Some part of their experience, some thought or idea, no matter how minute, was passed over from them to me. If such a thought or idea did not get across, I would work to make it happen. I feel a sense of personal loss if I dont learn something from each and every individual I meet. The loneliest people in the world, of course are those who dislike other people. If you dislike someone, its a bit difficult to be interested in him. Well theres only one solution, and that is to stop disliking people, I we cant love everyone we come in contact with, but if you dislike most people, Im afraid theres something wrong with you! A group of college students was once asked to list, as quickly as they could, the names of people they disliked. When the time allotted has elapsed, every student had listed a different number of names. It was discovered that those who disliked the most people were themselves the most widely disliked. So friends if you believe that being interested in others might help you, then you must start being genuinely interested in others right NOW! Youll eventually have to agree that the end justifies the means, and the means may even become more important to you than the end. During the time of the year, when we are in the Lenten season, let those who act selfishly get themselves out of the shell of loneliness and selflessly work for the benefit of the community. Oxem zaum, zalear purro. Best wishes to all, Sanny Vaz _ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar - get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/
[Goanet]LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS
LONELINESS & SELFISHNESS. (Part 1/2) Art thou lonely, O my brother? Share thy little with another! Stretch a hand to one unfriended, And the loneliness is ended. WILLIAM ARTHUR DUNKERLEY We very well know that, we are all, each and every one of us, completely and irrevocably alone. No matter how many friends a person may have, nor how close those friends may be, it does not change this thought or fact, if you will that we are each an entity unto ourselves. Im sure that many, if not all of you have experienced the dismal feeling of being more alone in a crowded room than when you were actually physically alone.. Ive mentioned close friends, but the same goes for relatives; even someone as close to you as your husband or wife. There is always something that just cannot be communicated to anyone something that cannot be put into words, or just too personal to confide in others. Probably a thousand people have greeted you this last year with the question, How are you? Have you ever answered that question literally? In other words, really told these people how you are? Told them about your personal aches and pains, about the trouble at your job or at home? If you have, you may have noticed a subtle glazing of your acquaintances eyes after a few moments. Perhaps they got a bit fidgety, and probably left you talking to yourself after a while. Because, dont you see, people arent really interested. Your troubles and problems are yours my friend, and nobody else really cares. You know why, dont you? Because they all have problems of their own. Certainly theirs are more important to them than yours, and conversely, nobodys problems are quite so important or imperative to you as are your own.. Ive told you, and Im sure you agree, that we are all completely alone, but there is a way, a comparatively simple way to relieve that loneliness just a bit. And that is to overcome the overpowering dictates of the great Private I. Most of us are so firmly imprisoned in that seemingly escape-proof cell of ego, that dark, despairing dungeon of selfishness, that we tend to believe that the entire world revolves around me. This is an all-too common ailment, this Private I complex, but it can be, shall we say, arrested, if not completely cured! How? Simply by being interested in others. Now is that such a difficult pill to swallow in order to alleviate such a painful disease? Of course not, although its not quite so easy as it sounds. At first you will probably have to force yourself to be interested in others, pulling your interest away from yourself, your problems, your cares, is like pulling two powerful magnets apart, but you can do it! Force it for a while, and I think youll be surprised to find that in a short time you actually will be interested in others. It may help you to do this if you make a habit of trying to think of the other person as another I, instead of he, she or they. I know that this is a large dose to swallow; its a concept that almost goes against nature, but try it. You neednt be afraid, youll never really be able to completely stop thinking of yourself; and I doubt if it would be a wise thing even if you could. Selfishness used intelligently can be a good force, but identifying yourself with others will tend to relieve that momentous loneliness. Yes this does involve doing things for others too, if you are really interested in others welfare; you will want to do things for them. Tolstoy said, We love people not for what they can do for us, but for what we can do for them. Tolstoy knew what he was talking about.. Many others, all certainly more knowledgeable than I, have said repeatedly that the only way to be happy is to try to make others happy. Dr. Albert Schweitzer said that in so doing we find our secret source of true peace and lifelong satisfaction. To my mind, it all boils down to doing something about that ever-present individual loneliness. Youll never be so close to anyone as when you are doing something for them with no other motive than their happiness and welfare. Best wishes to all, Sanny Vaz. _ Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today it's FREE! http://messenger.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200471ave/direct/01/
