PRESIDENT ANNOUNCES PLAN FOR NOTE CUT INITIATIVE Crawford, TX, August 29 (AP)--In an effort to reach out to Constituencies outside his traditional power base, President George W. Bush today announced a new "note cut" initiative, intended to appeal to classical musicians.
Speaking from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, the President prefaced his remarks with some general observations. "Music is a good thing. I like music because I like good things, and music is good for America. It's fundamentalistic to the American spirit. "Classically-orientated musicians--the ones that play in orchestras, in the churches of this great country of ours, in polka bands, and on the telephone when you're put on hold while calling any one of our Fortune 500 companies--are especially important, because they play a whole lot of notes. And these are good, American notes, that haven't been genetically altered, which Laura and I prize very highly. As I like to say, what you don't know you have can't hurt you if you're not there." The President went on to explain the reasons for his new initiative. "For too long these good musical Americans have been playing lots and lots of notes, and haven't been getting anything in return. These notes belong to the American people, and it's time to give some of them back." The administration's plan calls for a one-time refund of 3,000 notes to tax-paying and note-playing American classical musicians. Chamber musicians who play sonatas together in long-standing legal or church-sanctioned relationships are entitled to a refund of 6,000 notes. String quartets will receive a one-time refund of 10,000 notes, as follows: 5,000 for first violinists, 3,000 for second violinists, 1,500 for cellists, and only 500 for violists. Already this arrangement has generated considerable controversy, since it clearly favors the upper instruments. Pianists are entitled to a 15,000-note refund, because in the words of the President, "they play lots and lots and lots of notes. Their fingers must be really well oiled. Those digits can really add up, musicologistically speaking." Back in Washington, Democrats are already gearing up for a fight. They point to the plan's inequitable distribution of notes. Citing the latest figures from the music division of the General Accounting Office, they also claim that Bush's initiative is musically irresponsible. Noting recent reports indicating the President's tax refund, in conjunction with the sliding economy, has now effectively erased any budget surplus, they find parallels in Bush's note-cut initiative. They warn ominously that his plan threatens the all-important Musical Security Hemi-, Demi, and Semi-Quaver Reserve. On Friday. Representative Richard A. Gephardt painted a grim picture of what, in Democrats' eyes, the future holds. "Giving musicians notes back doesn't mean they're going to use them wisely, and it won't help the nation's musical health. We'd run the very real risk of running out of notes." "Imagine," Gephardt continued, "a Brahms symphony petering out in performance for a lack of notes. First thing you know, musicians will be leaving out all the fast movements because they don't have enough notes to get through them. Mendelssohn will suffer the most, especially the last movement of the octet." Apprised of Gephardt's remarks on the way to a pig roast at his ranch, President Bush responded, "Nope. Not gonna happen. I intend to be the defense, education, and fast-movement president. If Congress minds its musical matters, we'll have enough left for Brahms and the Mendelssohn Octagon, too." Cheers, Steven Ovitsky President and Executive Director Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra _______________________________________________ Horn mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/listinfo/horn
