The Ghost Shit The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the
toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl. The Clean Shit The
kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on
the toilet paper. The Wet Shit You wipe your ass fifty times and it
still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and
your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Shit This shit happens when you've finished, your
pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose Shit Also known as "Pop a
Vein in Your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you
turn purple and practically have a stroke. The Corn Shit No
explanation necessary. The Lincoln Log Shit The kind of shit that's
so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into
little pieces with the toilet brush. The Nororius Drinker Shit The
kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most
noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after
you flush. The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit The kind where
you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit
on the toilet, cramped and farting. The Wet Cheeks Shit Also known
as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that
your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. The Liquid Shit
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,
splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically
burns your tender poop-chute. The Mexican Food Shit A class all its
own. The Crowd Pleaser This shit is so intriguing in size and/or
appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. The Mood
Enhancer This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again. The Ritual This shit occurs
at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records Shit A shit so noteworthy it should be
recorded for future generations. The Aftershock Shit This shit has
an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven
hours is affected. The "Honeymoon's Over" Shit This is any shit
created in the presence of another person. The Groaner A shit so
huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface
after many flushings. The Ranger A shit which refuses to let go. It
is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often
the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom Shit This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one
will admit to putting it there. The Peek-A-Boo Shit Now you see it,
now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle
control. The Bombshell A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a
time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root
canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities. The Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening
position - usually harmless. The Olympic Shit This shit occurs
exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are
entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. The
Back-To-Nature Shit This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited
either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit An adorable collection of small turds
in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit.
Premeditated Shit Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Shitzopherenia Fear of shitting - can be fatal! Energizer
Vs. Duracell Shit Also known as a "Still Going" shit. The Power Dump
Shit The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when
you're done. The Liquid Plumber Shit This kind of shit is so big it
plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have
followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.) The Spinal Tap Shit
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be
coming out sideways. The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole"
Shit Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size
of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the
rectum for some time afterwards. The Porridge Shit The type that
comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a)
flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there
helpless. The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Shit When the bag
of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way
out in the morning. The "I
