Re: [JOKES] Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2002 11:14:40 +0200
http://fun.from.hell.pl/2002-11-15/amd.jpg В третий раз проводился опрос среди женщин "какой механический возбуди- тель является самым эфективным". Как и в прошлом году, с большим отрывом победил 600-й Мерседес.
Re: [JOKES]
http://csnserv.zapto.org/funnyswf/ayb4.swf
[JOKES] Definitions...
ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child.CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and charges you for it.DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to try and sleep with them.PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience.PROGRAMMER: Someone who foxes a problem you didn¹t know you had in a way you don¹t understand.PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters a room.PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle".UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it.LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than sex.PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.ETERNITY: Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house.EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.FOOTBALL: That which all women marry without knowing.HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".INFLATION: Having to play next years prices on last year's salary.QUANTUM PHYSICS: A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat which isn't here.
[JOKES] Management
The American and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-nationalcorporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teamspracticed hard and long to reach their peak performance.On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterward,the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporatemanagement decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found,so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommendedcorrective action.The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and oneperson steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight peoplesteering.After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, theconsultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enoughwere rowing on the American team.So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team'smanagement structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: foursteering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance reviewsystem for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the Americanoffice laid-off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonusfor discovering the problem.
