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engineer nor gay enough to become a designer. BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain. BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child. CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and charges you for it. DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey. ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to try and sleep with them. PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience. PROGRAMMER: Someone who foxes a problem you didn¹t know you had in a way you don¹t understand. PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters a room. PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle". UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it. LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire. HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women. INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than sex. PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose. TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech. MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy. NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn. NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does. TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others. INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs. ETERNITY: Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house. EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man. FOOTBALL: That which all women marry without knowing. HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions. IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry. INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get". INFLATION: Having to play next years prices on last year's salary. QUANTUM PHYSICS: A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat which isn't here. |
