[lace-chat] :) Fwd: The public info
Another one in the "not-so-new but funny" series... From: R.P. A Mother is driving her little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite." "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "That's enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you're 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?" "Ad," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex." - Tamara P Duvall Lexington, Virginia, USA Formerly of Warsaw, Poland http://lorien.emufarm.org/~tpd/ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The Presidential "match"
The following came to me today. Even though it's a bit "after the mustard" (given the Iowa results) it's an interesting "exercise", even for non-US folk... :) My 100% match turned out to be someone I don't even remember hearing about (but he has a Polack-sounding name, so I guess it shouldn't be surprising ). Ditto #2. Kerry, the Democratic Party nominee, showed up as 3rd. I left the party-affiliation bit blank -- I don't vote "party", I vote "issues" -- so the current President made it to the list, though in the last place... He and I seem to have 15% in common; more than I thought http://www.presidentmatch.com/Guide.jsp2 - Tamara P Duvall Lexington, Virginia, USA Formerly of Warsaw, Poland http://lorien.emufarm.org/~tpd/ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Aussie Love Poem
David, Thank you - I will print this out and give it to the Aussie Boyfriend as I know it will make him laugh. He is trying desperately to teach me Australian which I have so far managed to avoid, however, I had complete hysterics this evening when he informed me that our accents were virtually the same (I'm from Surrey and I talk like Margot out of the Good Life). Any other snippits of Aussie culture that you feel I need to be exposed to in order to understand the boyfriend will be more than welcome. Thanks Liz Surrey, England - where apparantly it's cold but 'bloody great' according to the portable Australian weather forecast service that is my boyfriend (so far all weather since last Tuesday has been predicted correctly including the snow last Wednesday which cheered him up - he hasn't seen UK snow in 30 years.) David Collyer wrote: > AUSSIE LOVE POEM > Of course I love ya darling > You're a bloody top-notch bird > And when I say you're gorgeous > I mean every single word > > David in Ballarat > > To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: > unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Aussie Love Poem
Hi David, I thought your poem was very funny - I wonder if the crown prince of Denmark will ever woo Mary with that one?!! Who knows, maybe we will have a Hobart girl making Tonder lace soon. I am looking forward to seeing her wedding dress on the 14th May and hoping that there will be Tonder lace on it, or better still Australian lace! Thanks for the giggle and keep bobbin' along Avril -- And on the 8th day, God created golf courses and lacemakers Avril Bayne Denmark To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Joke
Don't know if this one has been posted but I thought it was good. For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and re-open the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. Margot Walker in Halifax on the east coast of Canada (a very happy Mac user) [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Driving forces
In the early 80s, we rented stables in a large livery yard. One of the riding instructors was always leaving the keys in her car's ignition and then locking them inside. You can't lock our present car's driver's door without using the key, but cars then didn't have that mechanism. The first time the riding instructor locked her keys in she asked everyone in the yard if they could try their keys to see if any one would open the door. Ours did. We had a Ford, she had an Austin. She found two other people who's keys fitted her car - another Austin and a Morris (owned at the time by Austin). We lived closest to the yard, so whenever she locked the keys in, we'd get a phone call if none of the other two people were in the yard. Fortunately she had a spare key at home so we didn't get called there. Jean in Poole To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Aussie Love Poem
AUSSIE LOVE POEM Of course I love ya darling You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's something there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there No sheila who's your age Has nice round perky breasts They're just giving in to gravity But I know ya did ya best I'm telling ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think it's very sexy That you've got dimples on ya thighs I swear on Nanna's grave now The moment that we met I thought that you was as good as I Was ever gunna get No matter what ya look like I'll always love ya dear Now shut up while the footy's on And get me another beer! David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Australian Ventroliquist - humour
Subject: Australian ventriloquist An Australian ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and decides he'll have a little fun. Aussie: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak with him?" Farmer: "Don't be stupid, the dog doesn't talk" Aussie: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." The farmer is astonished. Aussie: "Is this guy your owner?" Dog: "Yep" Aussie: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." The farmer's mouth falls open in utter disbelief. Farmer: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either... I don't think." Aussie: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Now the farmer is absolutely dumbfounded. Aussie: "Is this your owner?" Horse: "Yep" Aussie: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Farmer staggers back in amazement. Aussie: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Farmer: "The sheep's a liar!!!" David To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Re: Driving Forces
<> I did that! I bought a "new" car just before Christmas, a silver Toyota Yaris, which I drove straight to the supermarket car park and then I went off shopping. When I came back, I had a look at the tyres - there had been a dispute about whether one of the front tyres was worn enough to need replacing. After peering closely at each of the tyres, I tried to open the car. The key fob wouldn't work, and neither would the key itself. At that point I realised it wasn't my car - and then realised that it wasn't even the same type of car - it was a VW!! I've since learned to recognise a Yaris at 30 paces... Regards, Annette Yahoo! Messenger - Communicate instantly..."Ping" your friends today! Download Messenger Now http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com/download/index.html To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Airline security
I am just getting around to checking my email. As far as a blunt sewing needle, when I went to Canada in September 2002 (actually on Sept 11), I couldn't take a needle on board. However, I asked nicely, and the flight attendant lent me her "emergency" sewing kit, which they all carried. All that was required was that I return it to her at the end of the flight. Go figure! Lynn Scott in Wollongong, Australia To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
