I know I've seen this one on chat before, but I could - almost - swear
that it was longer than 11 months ago; I suspect the dates have been
changed Still... It's a classic example of "government in
operation" and one of the funniest, and we've had some new people with
sense of humour join the chat after Dec '04 (if, indeed, the dates are
correct), and I hope everyone else's memory is as faulty as mine :)
From: D.C.
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get
to the response letter.
(State's letter) SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property.
You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who
did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance
of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
review of the Department's files show that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts
of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled
Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of
the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris
and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature
are inherently hazardous and can not be permitted.
The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities
at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,2005.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in
this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have
any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price District Representative, Land and Water Management
Division
This is the actual response sent back:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond
in regarding to the above mentioned file. I am the legal landowner but
not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
nature's building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills,
their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence,
their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers.. or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to
said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
through The Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of
all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so
the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's
dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent
rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence,
which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spr
