[lace-chat] :) Fwd: Robot Bartender
I can't remember if I've seen this one before... Must have, since it sounds like something devised before November of '04 :) From: J. B. A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's body parts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot says... slowly, "So... ya gonna vote for Bush again?" -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Looking for JoAnn Kramer
Hi all, I am looking for an email address for JoAnn Kramer of California. She paints bobbins. Is she on line here or does anyone have an email for her? Thanks in advance. bobbi ~*~ Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Widdle Wabbits...
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep Widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit." Malvary in Ottawa where it is cold but nice and sunny To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Re: Back Again with great stories
Hi All, Welcome back David! I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering when you'd be back. I knew there would be some great stories and this one is quite good! Sounds like it was beautiful up there! DH will wish he could ride his 4-wheeler in such a place . Jane in Vermont, USA where most of my yard is showing (usually it's all under snow cover until early April. [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] American Football
Oh wow, that's a fantastic description! rofl! I was on the train going back up to Bath a couple of years ago and was chatting to an American who was travelling around the UK. We were talking about different sports and he mentioned not liking American football because it could get quite rough and then said something about wanting to have a go at rugby. Both myself and the lady sat opposite had to rein in our laughter and explain that if he didn't like american football, then he certainly wouldn't like rugby! Please can I post the comment on another forum I belong to? It will just be the bit below and there won't be any names attached. Helen At 11:02 07/02/2006, Jean Nathan wrote: DH was watching the highlight of the NFL football last night. I said I didn't understand what was going on. He said "You understand rugby don't you?". I said I did. "Well," he said "think of it as being exactly the same, but with the health and safety people having had a go at it." Helen, Somerset, UK "Forget the formulae, let's make lace" -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.1.375 / Virus Database: 267.15.2/252 - Release Date: 06/02/2006 To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Back Again with great stories
Dear Friends, I'm home again after some 6 weeks up in our Australian outback in the Northern Territory. Of course I have the usual abundant stock of new stories but will just tell you one here tonight. You see last Sunday week I was supposed to be lost in the bush. Here's how it happened:- The State Emergency Service were called out to rescue me when I was lost in the bush last Sunday week! It's a loong story, but I wasn't really lost at all. You see, there's this bloke called Dr. John COOPER, a friend of mine who owns the land surrounding my friend Viv's property. Her land is about 1600 acres of untouched bush, but his station is larger than greater Sydney itself - some hundreds of thousands of acres. Lots of this land is up on huge plateaux which have never been explored, the reason being that each plateau is surrounded by a cliff some hundreds of feet high. John is anxious to preserve these lands from cattle etc., so at Chrsitmas time he had a steep track graded up to one plateau (and I mean really steep) with the intention of subdividing that land into 100 acre blocks - too small for cattle grazing. In the meantime he had bought a new quad bike - motor bike with 4 wheels for going bush - and so he and I went up together last Sat. week and explored the northern half of a plateau which is about 10 miles by 6 miles. It truly was exciting and absolutely stunning. There were orchids and grevilleas flowering everywhere. On the Sunday, unfortunately he left it till too late in the day - around 3:30 p.m. to do the southern half, and we simply ran out of daylight just when the bike broke down! You have to imagine - it's pitch black, not a soul for about 20 miles, the only night in January which didn't produce monsoon rain, a hot north wind which meant absolutely no bugs or mosquitoes - quite pleasant really at around 30C. The bike had overheated and John would keep fiddling. In the end I had to force him to stop, built a nice big fire and we slept for a couple of hours - duly rationing our water and my smokes! Around 10:00 p.m. (we didn't have a watch!) the bike started and I had to navigate us out of there with the compass. John has a shocking sense of direction - well none at all really - and kept wanting to ride round in circles in this impenetrable jungle of small tough palms, anthills and logs! We had just reached his newly graded track when we saw all the flashing lights of the SES. My friend Viv had panicked and called them out. John was really embarrassed as she'd done this to him once before. To make polite conversation, I said to him, "I wonder how Viv's roast is going?" - knowing she was cooking roast beef for tea. He simply replied, with his head in his hands: "Oh f**k give me a cigarette!!!" And home we went to face the harridan :) David -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.1.375 / Virus Database: 267.15.2/252 - Release Date: 6/02/06 To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] American Football
DH was watching the highlight of the NFL football last night. I said I didn't understand what was going on. He said "You understand rugby don't you?". I said I did. "Well," he said "think of it as being exactly the same, but with the health and safety people having had a go at it." People outside the US will know what he means - Rugby League is played continuously by the same 13 players on each side for the entire game - 40 minutes (without a break) for the first half, a ten minutes break and then a 40 minute second half. Some players wear a small amount of padding to their shoulders - most don't. Some wear a cose fitting helmet or a bandage around the head to stop their ears being pulled off. A lot wear a gum shield. Othere than that there's no protection. Rugby Union is a similar game with 15 players and slighty different rules. Jean in Poole, Dorset, UK To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] The difference between men and women
The Difference Between Men and Women Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ..February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their . . ''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud. ''What?'' says Roger, startled. ''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . . '' (She breaks down, sobbing.) ''What?'' says Roger. ''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.'' ''There's no horse?'' says Roger. ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says. ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says. ''What way?'' says Roger. ''That way about time,'' says Elaine. ''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,''says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him
