Re: OT: friday funny: LIFE'S RULES

[Lee Douglas]

Like a duel with shotguns in a closet. 



On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 5:50 PM, Kurt Buff <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> The real rule #1?
>
> Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
>
> On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 11:23 AM, Michael B. Smith
> <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> > Things have been too quiet today... So here we go!
> >
> > ---
> >
> >
> >
> > Life's Rules
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
> >
> >
> >
> > 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
> content.
> >
> >
> >
> > 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
> > said, "Thyroid problem?"
> >
> >
> >
> > 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing
> up
> > really fast.
> >
> >
> >
> > 6. A sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
> >
> >
> >
> > 7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
> with.
> >
> >
> >
> > 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
> >
> >
> >
> > 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
> >
> >
> >
> > 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
> > elected.
> >
> >
> >
> > 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
> > trade-in value.
> >
> >
> >
> > 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes,
> > make Bloody Marys.
> >
> >
> >
> > 13.. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
> you
> > want to annoy for the rest of your life.
> >
> >
> >
> > 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
> >
> >
> >
> > 15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
> >
> >
> >
> > 16. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive
> > days I've stayed alive.
> >
> >
> >
> > 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my
> plan
> > to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
> >
> >
> >
> > 18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
> >
> >
> >
> > 19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and
> lottery
> > tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
> >
> >
> >
> > 20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
> you're
> > on.
> >
> >
> >
> > 21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
> > section in a swimming pool?
> >
> >
> >
> > 22. Marriage changes passion.. suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
> >
> >
> >
> > 23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
> >
> >
> >
> > 24.. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
> >
> >
> >
> > 25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
> Don't
> > pick that up, you don't know where it's been!
> >
>
> ~ Upgrade to Next Generation Antispam/Antivirus with Ninja!~
> ~   ~
>

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Re: OT: friday funny: LIFE'S RULES

[Kurt Buff]

The real rule #1?

Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 11:23 AM, Michael B. Smith
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Things have been too quiet today... So here we go!
>
> ---
>
>
>
> Life's Rules
>
>
>
> 1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
>
>
>
> 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
>
>
>
> 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
>
>
>
> 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
> said, "Thyroid problem?"
>
>
>
> 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up
> really fast.
>
>
>
> 6. A sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
>
>
>
> 7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
>
>
>
> 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
>
>
>
> 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
>
>
>
> 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
> elected.
>
>
>
> 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
> trade-in value.
>
>
>
> 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes,
> make Bloody Marys.
>
>
>
> 13.. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
> want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
>
>
> 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
>
>
>
> 15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
>
>
>
> 16. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive
> days I've stayed alive.
>
>
>
> 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan
> to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
>
>
>
> 18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
>
>
>
> 19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery
> tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
>
>
>
> 20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're
> on.
>
>
>
> 21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
>
>
>
> 22. Marriage changes passion.. suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
>
>
>
> 23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
>
>
>
> 24.. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
>
>
> 25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't
> pick that up, you don't know where it's been!
>

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OT: friday funny: LIFE'S RULES

[Michael B. Smith]

Things have been too quiet today... So here we go!

---

 

Life's Rules

 

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

 

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

 

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

 

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
said, "Thyroid problem?"

 

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up
really fast.

 

6. A sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

 

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

 

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

 

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

 

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.

 

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.

 

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.

 

13.. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

 

15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

 

16. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.

 

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan
to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

 

18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

 

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery
tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

 

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're
on.

 

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

 

22. Marriage changes passion.. suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

 

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

 

24.. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

 

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!


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