Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Hi Haoyu, Thanks for the expedient updates, they look good to me. I've requested IETF LC. Regards, Rob > -Original Message- > From: Haoyu Song > Sent: 13 October 2021 16:05 > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org; 'opsawg-chairs' > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Rob, > > Thank you very much for your second review! We have made all the > modifications you pointed out. > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf/09/ > Please help to move it forward. Thanks again! > > Best regards, > Haoyu > > -Original Message- > From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) > Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2021 2:08 PM > To: Haoyu Song ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf....@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org; 'opsawg-chairs' > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Haoyu, > > Thanks for applying the markups. > > I've given -08 another read through, and I think that there are still some > tweaks to the grammar that I would recommend. I've also included some > automated warnings from a grammar tool that a probably also worth fixing > (you would get similar warnings during IESG review anyway). I think that > once you have fixed these we should be ready to go. > > 3.2. Use Cases > >* Security: Network intrusion detection and prevention systems need > to monitor network traffic and activities and act upon anomalies. > Given increasingly sophisticated attack vector coupled with > increasingly severe consequences of security breaches, new tools > and techniques need to be developed, relying on wider and deeper > visibility into networks. The ultimate goal is to achieve the > ideal security with no or minimal human intervention. > > RW: suggest > no or minimal human => no, or only minimal, human intervention > > > * Last sentence suggest: > > The ultimate goal is to achieve the ideal security with no, or only minimal, > human intervention. > > networks. While a policy or an intent is enforced, the compliance > needs to be verified and monitored continuously relying on > visibility that is provided through network telemetry data, any > violation needs to be reported immediately, and updates need to be > applied to ensure the intent remains in force. > > RW: Suggest: > > While a policy or intent is enforced, the compliance > needs to be verified and monitored continuously by relying on > visibility that is provided through network telemetry data. Any > violation must be notified immediately, potentially resulting in > updates to how the policy or intent is applied in the network to ensure > that it remains in force, or otherwise alerting the network administrator > to the policy or intent violation. > >* ... > overwhelming. While machine learning technologies can be used for > root cause analysis, it up to the network to sense and provide the > relevant diagnostic data which are either actively fed into or > passively retrieved by machine learning applications. > > RW: Suggest: > actively fed into or passively retrieved by => actively fed into, or passively > retrieved, by > > > 4. Network Telemetry Framework > > RW: (Section 4.3)are applied. => (Section 4.3) are applied. > > > 4.1. Top Level Modules, diagram: > > RW: > 1. I still not sure that I would list "ACL" under a control plane object. > 2. Thinking about it, I think that this table would be more consistent if the > columns were ordered with management plane before control plane, e.g.,: >+-+--+--+---+---+ >| Module | Management | Control | Forwarding| External | >| | Plane| Plane| Plane | Data | > > > 4.1.1. Management Plane Telemetry > >* Convenient Data Subscription: An application should have the > freedom to choose the data export means such as the data types (as > described in Figure 4) and the export means and frequency (e.g., > on-change or periodic subscription). > > RW: > I don't think that the client is really choosing the data types, but > instead choosing which data to export, and how it is exported. How about: > > Convenient Data Subscription: An application should have the > freedom to choose which data is exported (see section 4.3) and the > means and frequency of how that data is exported (e.g., > on-change or periodic subscription). > >* High Speed Data Transport: In order to keep up with the velocity > of infor
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Hi Rob, Thank you very much for your second review! We have made all the modifications you pointed out. https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf/09/ Please help to move it forward. Thanks again! Best regards, Haoyu -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2021 2:08 PM To: Haoyu Song ; draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org; 'opsawg-chairs' Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Hi Haoyu, Thanks for applying the markups. I've given -08 another read through, and I think that there are still some tweaks to the grammar that I would recommend. I've also included some automated warnings from a grammar tool that a probably also worth fixing (you would get similar warnings during IESG review anyway). I think that once you have fixed these we should be ready to go. 3.2. Use Cases * Security: Network intrusion detection and prevention systems need to monitor network traffic and activities and act upon anomalies. Given increasingly sophisticated attack vector coupled with increasingly severe consequences of security breaches, new tools and techniques need to be developed, relying on wider and deeper visibility into networks. The ultimate goal is to achieve the ideal security with no or minimal human intervention. RW: suggest no or minimal human => no, or only minimal, human intervention * Last sentence suggest: The ultimate goal is to achieve the ideal security with no, or only minimal, human intervention. networks. While a policy or an intent is enforced, the compliance needs to be verified and monitored continuously relying on visibility that is provided through network telemetry data, any violation needs to be reported immediately, and updates need to be applied to ensure the intent remains in force. RW: Suggest: While a policy or intent is enforced, the compliance needs to be verified and monitored continuously by relying on visibility that is provided through network telemetry data. Any violation must be notified immediately, potentially resulting in updates to how the policy or intent is applied in the network to ensure that it remains in force, or otherwise alerting the network administrator to the policy or intent violation. * ... overwhelming. While machine learning technologies can be used for root cause analysis, it up to the network to sense and provide the relevant diagnostic data which are either actively fed into or passively retrieved by machine learning applications. RW: Suggest: actively fed into or passively retrieved by => actively fed into, or passively retrieved, by 4. Network Telemetry Framework RW: (Section 4.3)are applied. => (Section 4.3) are applied. 4.1. Top Level Modules, diagram: RW: 1. I still not sure that I would list "ACL" under a control plane object. 2. Thinking about it, I think that this table would be more consistent if the columns were ordered with management plane before control plane, e.g.,: +-+--+--+---+---+ | Module | Management | Control | Forwarding| External | | | Plane| Plane| Plane | Data | 4.1.1. Management Plane Telemetry * Convenient Data Subscription: An application should have the freedom to choose the data export means such as the data types (as described in Figure 4) and the export means and frequency (e.g., on-change or periodic subscription). RW: I don't think that the client is really choosing the data types, but instead choosing which data to export, and how it is exported. How about: Convenient Data Subscription: An application should have the freedom to choose which data is exported (see section 4.3) and the means and frequency of how that data is exported (e.g., on-change or periodic subscription). * High Speed Data Transport: In order to keep up with the velocity of information, a server needs to be able to send large amounts of data at high frequency. Compact encoding formats or data compression schemes are needed to compress the data and improve the data transport efficiency. The subscription mode, by replacing the query mode, reduces the interactions between clients and servers and helps to improve the server's efficiency. RW: are needed to compress the data => are needed to reduce the quantity of data 4.1.2. Control Plane Telemetry RW: (e.g., the IGP monitoring => (e.g., IGP monitoring 4.1.3. Forwarding Plane Telemetry RW: Perhaps: between forwarding and telemetry => between forwarding performance and telemetry RW: described in Appendix => Please add a reference to the section where postcard telemetry is described, perhaps A3.5? Very minor nit:
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
res two periods. Suggested change: "e.g.," Section: A.4.1, draft text: For example, a sports event takes place and some unexpected movement makes it highly interesting and many people connects to sites that are reporting on the event. Warning: Consider using an extreme adjective for 'interesting'. Suggested change: "fascinating" Section: A.4.1, draft text: For example, a sports event takes place and some unexpected movement makes it highly interesting and many people connects to sites that are reporting on the event. Warning: If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb. Suggested change: "connect" Section: A.4.1, draft text: Additional types of detector types can be added to the system but they will be generally the result of composing the properties offered by these main classes. Warning: Use a comma before 'but' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short). Suggested change: "system, but" Thanks, Rob > -----Original Message- > From: Haoyu Song > Sent: 08 October 2021 00:15 > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org; 'opsawg-chairs' > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Rob, > > We have updated the draft according to your review suggestions and uploaded > the -08 version. In the new revision we believe all your suggestions/questions > have been addressed. Please let me know if you have further questions. Thank > you very much! > > Best regards, > Haoyu > > > - > A new version of I-D, draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-08.txt has been successfully > submitted by Haoyu Song and posted to the IETF repository. > > Name: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf > Revision: 08 > Title:Network Telemetry Framework > Document date:2021-10-07 > Group:opsawg > Pages:40 > URL: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.i > etf.org%2Farchive%2Fid%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf- > 08.txtdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce > 0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7 > C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4w > LjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > p;sdata=fm%2FeutvtbKzZN7c%2BvZzlzmZzSWQs0I52sn68EQ1bSv0%3Dr > eserved=0 > Status: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatatr > acker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77c > e0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1% > 7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4 > wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > mp;sdata=mPDw6Gz2JqqJ%2F6X0ISjEH5MH1nL%2Bgn5MK4VnbaBAfRs%3D& > amp;reserved=0 > Htmlized: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatatr > acker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fhtml%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg- > ntfdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce02 > 46132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1 > %7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLj > AwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > sdata=x8mxaK3UugiiTtDDX1YCrs3a9%2FjhdUXBPMetNuoR1SM%3Drese > rved=0 > Diff: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.i > etf.org%2Frfcdiff%3Furl2%3Ddraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf- > 08data=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce02 > 46132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1 > %7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLj > AwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > sdata=3QV9pT%2Fzs5xj6WxMLqIwGr2%2F4cD7xqclE3uznclsZfA%3Dres > erved=0 > > > -Original Message- > From: Haoyu Song > Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 9:14 AM > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Rob, > > Thank you very much for the review! We'll update the draft as you suggested. > > Best regards, > Haoyu > > -Original Message- > From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) > Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 3:55 AM > To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Sigh, this also appears to be truncated in my email client. > > To be sure that you see all the comments (i.e., to the end of the document), > please either see the previous attachment. The full email can also be seen in > the archives at > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=h
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Hi Haoyu, Thanks for the quick updates. I will check the diffs and see if I have any questions remaining. Regards, Rob > -Original Message- > From: Haoyu Song > Sent: 08 October 2021 00:15 > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org; 'opsawg-chairs' > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Rob, > > We have updated the draft according to your review suggestions and > uploaded the -08 version. In the new revision we believe all your > suggestions/questions have been addressed. Please let me know if you have > further questions. Thank you very much! > > Best regards, > Haoyu > > > - > A new version of I-D, draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-08.txt has been successfully > submitted by Haoyu Song and posted to the IETF repository. > > Name: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf > Revision: 08 > Title:Network Telemetry Framework > Document date:2021-10-07 > Group:opsawg > Pages:40 > URL: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww > .ietf.org%2Farchive%2Fid%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf- > 08.txtdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77c > e0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7 > C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4w > LjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > p;sdata=fm%2FeutvtbKzZN7c%2BvZzlzmZzSWQs0I52sn68EQ1bSv0%3D > reserved=0 > Status: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatat > racker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77 > ce0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1% > 7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4 > wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > mp;sdata=mPDw6Gz2JqqJ%2F6X0ISjEH5MH1nL%2Bgn5MK4VnbaBAfRs%3D& > amp;reserved=0 > Htmlized: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatat > racker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fhtml%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg- > ntfdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce02 > 46132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1 > %7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLj > AwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > sdata=x8mxaK3UugiiTtDDX1YCrs3a9%2FjhdUXBPMetNuoR1SM%3Dres > erved=0 > Diff: > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww > .ietf.org%2Frfcdiff%3Furl2%3Ddraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf- > 08data=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce02 > 46132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1 > %7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLj > AwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000 > sdata=3QV9pT%2Fzs5xj6WxMLqIwGr2%2F4cD7xqclE3uznclsZfA%3Dre > served=0 > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Haoyu Song > Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 9:14 AM > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg- > ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi Rob, > > Thank you very much for the review! We'll update the draft as you > suggested. > > Best regards, > Haoyu > > -Original Message- > From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) > Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 3:55 AM > To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org > Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Sigh, this also appears to be truncated in my email client. > > To be sure that you see all the comments (i.e., to the end of the document), > please either see the previous attachment. The full email can also be seen in > the archives at > https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmail > archive.ietf.org%2Farch%2Fmsg%2Fopsawg%2FWDnVtM_vLm15X28OTEwI9 > Q6gfx0%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7Cf1e79 > 80d22be45a356e608d988b7d5ba%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7 > C1%7C0%7C637691145441218654%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoi > MC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C100 > 0sdata=d3NH7iwGu4T99Y%2Fwh9jft0oWofQeKyfWhcuBCQSZcJM%3D > reserved=0 > > Regards, > Rob > > > -Original Message- > From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) > Sent: 06 October 2021 11:48 > To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org > Cc: opsawg@ietf.org > Subject: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] > > Hi, > > > > Here is my belated AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07.txt. [Text file with > comments attached in case this also gets truncated.] > > > > I woul
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Hi Rob, We have updated the draft according to your review suggestions and uploaded the -08 version. In the new revision we believe all your suggestions/questions have been addressed. Please let me know if you have further questions. Thank you very much! Best regards, Haoyu - A new version of I-D, draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-08.txt has been successfully submitted by Haoyu Song and posted to the IETF repository. Name: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf Revision: 08 Title: Network Telemetry Framework Document date: 2021-10-07 Group: opsawg Pages: 40 URL: https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ietf.org%2Farchive%2Fid%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-08.txtdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000sdata=fm%2FeutvtbKzZN7c%2BvZzlzmZzSWQs0I52sn68EQ1bSv0%3Dreserved=0 Status: https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatatracker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000sdata=mPDw6Gz2JqqJ%2F6X0ISjEH5MH1nL%2Bgn5MK4VnbaBAfRs%3Dreserved=0 Htmlized: https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdatatracker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fhtml%2Fdraft-ietf-opsawg-ntfdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000sdata=x8mxaK3UugiiTtDDX1YCrs3a9%2FjhdUXBPMetNuoR1SM%3Dreserved=0 Diff: https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ietf.org%2Frfcdiff%3Furl2%3Ddraft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-08data=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7C96249f77ce0246132c2608d989e79553%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C1%7C637692450027508042%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C2000sdata=3QV9pT%2Fzs5xj6WxMLqIwGr2%2F4cD7xqclE3uznclsZfA%3Dreserved=0 -Original Message- From: Haoyu Song Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 9:14 AM To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) ; draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Hi Rob, Thank you very much for the review! We'll update the draft as you suggested. Best regards, Haoyu -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 3:55 AM To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Sigh, this also appears to be truncated in my email client. To be sure that you see all the comments (i.e., to the end of the document), please either see the previous attachment. The full email can also be seen in the archives at https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmailarchive.ietf.org%2Farch%2Fmsg%2Fopsawg%2FWDnVtM_vLm15X28OTEwI9Q6gfx0%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7Cf1e7980d22be45a356e608d988b7d5ba%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C0%7C637691145441218654%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C1000sdata=d3NH7iwGu4T99Y%2Fwh9jft0oWofQeKyfWhcuBCQSZcJM%3Dreserved=0 Regards, Rob -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: 06 October 2021 11:48 To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Hi, Here is my belated AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07.txt. [Text file with comments attached in case this also gets truncated.] I would like to thank you for the effort that you have put into this document, and apologise for my long delay in reviewing it. Broadly, I think that this is a good and useful framework, but in some of the latter parts of the document it seems to give prominence to protocols that I don't think have IETF consensus behind them yet (particularly DNP). I have flagged specific comments in comments inline within the document, but I think that the document will have been accuracy/longevity if text about the potential technologies is mostly kept to the appendices. There were quite a lot of cases where the text doesn't scan, or read easily, particularly in the latter sections of this document, although I acknowledge that none of the authors appear to be native English speakers. Ideally, these sorts of issues would have been highlighted and addressed during WG LC. Although the RFC editor will improve the language of the documents, making the improvements now before IESG review
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Hi Rob, Thank you very much for the review! We'll update the draft as you suggested. Best regards, Haoyu -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2021 3:55 AM To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: RE: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Sigh, this also appears to be truncated in my email client. To be sure that you see all the comments (i.e., to the end of the document), please either see the previous attachment. The full email can also be seen in the archives at https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmailarchive.ietf.org%2Farch%2Fmsg%2Fopsawg%2FWDnVtM_vLm15X28OTEwI9Q6gfx0%2Fdata=04%7C01%7Chaoyu.song%40futurewei.com%7Cf1e7980d22be45a356e608d988b7d5ba%7C0fee8ff2a3b240189c753a1d5591fedc%7C1%7C0%7C637691145441218654%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C1000sdata=d3NH7iwGu4T99Y%2Fwh9jft0oWofQeKyfWhcuBCQSZcJM%3Dreserved=0 Regards, Rob -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: 06 October 2021 11:48 To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Hi, Here is my belated AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07.txt. [Text file with comments attached in case this also gets truncated.] I would like to thank you for the effort that you have put into this document, and apologise for my long delay in reviewing it. Broadly, I think that this is a good and useful framework, but in some of the latter parts of the document it seems to give prominence to protocols that I don't think have IETF consensus behind them yet (particularly DNP). I have flagged specific comments in comments inline within the document, but I think that the document will have been accuracy/longevity if text about the potential technologies is mostly kept to the appendices. There were quite a lot of cases where the text doesn't scan, or read easily, particularly in the latter sections of this document, although I acknowledge that none of the authors appear to be native English speakers. Ideally, these sorts of issues would have been highlighted and addressed during WG LC. Although the RFC editor will improve the language of the documents, making the improvements now before IESG review will aid its passage, and hopefully result in a better document when it is published. I have flagged and proposed alternative text/grammar where possible. Once you have made the markups and resolved the issues/questions that I have raised then I can run it through a grammar checking tool (Lar's will run an equivalent tool during IESG review anyway ...) All of my comments are directly inline, please search for "RW" or "RW:" OPSAWG H. Song Internet-Draft Futurewei Intended status: InformationalF. Qin Expires: August 23, 2021China Mobile P. Martinez-Julia NICT L. Ciavaglia Nokia A. Wang China Telecom February 19, 2021 Network Telemetry Framework draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 Abstract Network telemetry is a technology for gaining network insight and facilitating efficient and automated network management. It encompasses various techniques for remote data generation, collection, correlation, and consumption. This document describes an architectural framework for network telemetry, motivated by challenges that are encountered as part of the operation of networks and by the requirements that ensue. Network telemetry, as necessitated by best industry practices, covers technologies and protocols that extend beyond conventional network Operations, Administration, and Management (OAM). The presented network telemetry framework promises flexibility, scalability, accuracy, coverage, and performance. In addition, it facilitates the implementation of automated control loops to address both today's and tomorrow's network operational needs. This document clarifies the terminologies and classifies the modules and components of a network telemetry system from several different perspectives. The framework and taxonomy help to set a common ground for the collection of related work and provide guidance for related technique and standard dev
Re: [OPSAWG] AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2]
Sigh, this also appears to be truncated in my email client. To be sure that you see all the comments (i.e., to the end of the document), please either see the previous attachment. The full email can also be seen in the archives at https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/opsawg/WDnVtM_vLm15X28OTEwI9Q6gfx0/ Regards, Rob -Original Message- From: Rob Wilton (rwilton) Sent: 06 October 2021 11:48 To: draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf@ietf.org Cc: opsawg@ietf.org Subject: AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 [2] Hi, Here is my belated AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07.txt. [Text file with comments attached in case this also gets truncated.] I would like to thank you for the effort that you have put into this document, and apologise for my long delay in reviewing it. Broadly, I think that this is a good and useful framework, but in some of the latter parts of the document it seems to give prominence to protocols that I don't think have IETF consensus behind them yet (particularly DNP). I have flagged specific comments in comments inline within the document, but I think that the document will have been accuracy/longevity if text about the potential technologies is mostly kept to the appendices. There were quite a lot of cases where the text doesn't scan, or read easily, particularly in the latter sections of this document, although I acknowledge that none of the authors appear to be native English speakers. Ideally, these sorts of issues would have been highlighted and addressed during WG LC. Although the RFC editor will improve the language of the documents, making the improvements now before IESG review will aid its passage, and hopefully result in a better document when it is published. I have flagged and proposed alternative text/grammar where possible. Once you have made the markups and resolved the issues/questions that I have raised then I can run it through a grammar checking tool (Lar's will run an equivalent tool during IESG review anyway ...) All of my comments are directly inline, please search for "RW" or "RW:" OPSAWG H. Song Internet-Draft Futurewei Intended status: InformationalF. Qin Expires: August 23, 2021China Mobile P. Martinez-Julia NICT L. Ciavaglia Nokia A. Wang China Telecom February 19, 2021 Network Telemetry Framework draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-07 Abstract Network telemetry is a technology for gaining network insight and facilitating efficient and automated network management. It encompasses various techniques for remote data generation, collection, correlation, and consumption. This document describes an architectural framework for network telemetry, motivated by challenges that are encountered as part of the operation of networks and by the requirements that ensue. Network telemetry, as necessitated by best industry practices, covers technologies and protocols that extend beyond conventional network Operations, Administration, and Management (OAM). The presented network telemetry framework promises flexibility, scalability, accuracy, coverage, and performance. In addition, it facilitates the implementation of automated control loops to address both today's and tomorrow's network operational needs. This document clarifies the terminologies and classifies the modules and components of a network telemetry system from several different perspectives. The framework and taxonomy help to set a common ground for the collection of related work and provide guidance for related technique and standard developments. RW: I would suggest condensing the abstract to the following, and move the other text to the introduction if it is not already covered there. Network telemetry is a technology for gaining network insight and facilitating efficient and automated network management. It encompasses various techniques for remote data generation, collection, correlation, and consumption. This document describes an architectural framework for network telemetry, motivated by challenges that are encountered as part of the operation of networks and by the requirements that ensue. This document clarifies the terminologies and classifies the modules and components of a network
