Re: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS HILARIOUS

[Helen and Graham]

Just to clear up something Jenny - I was only 
relaying the story sent to us, it wasn't actually me!  It's a good one tho 
isn't it?
 
Helen

  - Original Message - 
  From: 
  Jenny 
  Cameron 
  To: ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au 
  
  Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 11:54 
  AM
  Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS 
  IS HILARIOUS
  
  Helen
   
  Don't feel silly, not all lizards lay eggs, some 
  are live bearers and many reptiles have a bifid penis which could be mistaken 
  for a tiny foot. Men are so heartless! However, women have better memories, 
  just bide your time! Thanks for sharing this gem. Cheers
   
  Jenny
   
  Jennifer Cameron FRCNA FACMPresident NT 
  branch ACMIPO Box 1465Howard Springs NT 083508 8983 19260419 
  528 717
   
   
  
- Original Message - 
From: 
Helen and Graham 
To: ozmidwifery 
Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2005 7:40 
PM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS 
HILARIOUS

 
Lizard Birthing 
StoryIf you have 
raised kids (or been one), and gone through the petsyndrome including 
toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you 
laughing out LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the 
vet.Here's what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up 
to tell me there was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he 
holds prisoner in his room."He's just lying here looking sick," he 
told me."I'm serious, Mom. Can you help?"I put my best 
lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. 
One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I 
immediately knew what to do.>"Honey," I called, "come look at the 
lizard!"








"Oh my gosh," 
my husband diagnosed after a minute."She's having 
babies.""What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and 
Ernie, Dad!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we 
said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my husband."Well, 
what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" heinquired.(I 
actually think he said this sarcastically!)"No, but you were 
supposed to get two boys!" I reminded him, (in mymost loving, calm, 
sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together)."Yeah, Bert and 
Ernie!" my son agreed."Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some 
guys, you know," Heinformed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you 
think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see 
what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, 
this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to 
witness the miracle of birth." OH, Gross!" they 
shrieked.Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a 
litter oftiny little lizard babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I 
really do think he was being snotty here, too, don't you?)We peered 
at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like atiny foot would 
appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later."We don't appear to 
be making much progress," I noted."Its breech," my husband 
whispered, horrified."Do something, Mom!" my son 
urged."Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot 
when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried 
several more times with the same results."Should I call 911?" my 
eldest son wanted to know."Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." 
(You see a pattern here with the men in my house?)"Let's get 
Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet withmy son holding 
the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged."I 
don't think lizards do Lamaze," his father noted to him. (Men can be so 
cruel to their own young. I mean what he does to me is one thing, but this 
boy is of his loins, for God's sake.)The vet took Ernie back to the 
examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying 
glass."What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested 
scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and Mrs. 
Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"I gulped, 
nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my 
husband asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is 
not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a 
boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into 
maturity, like most male species, they umummasturbate.Just 
the way he did, lying on his back. "He blushed, glancing at my husband. 
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mrs Cameron."We were silent, 
absorbing this."So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my husband 
offered."Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. 
Moresilence.Then my vicious, cruel husband started 

Re: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep

[Maxine Wilson]

I'm not sure if the books that Pinky recommended are the same but I also
bought some lovely relaxation CD's with guided meditation for children from
an online based baby shop in Byron.  They had several types to choose from,
some were specific for children in pain etc.  Email me off list if you would
like more info.
Maxine

- Original Message - 
From: "Kate &/or Nick" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: 
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 7:56 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep


> Thank-you everyone. You have given me ideas and reassurance (which is
lovely
> to hold onto right now). I will work my way through them all. Something
has
> to work!
>
> I really wish co-sleeping worked for us,  but it doesn't - I don't sleep
> well with my kids in the bed and often end up with muscle aches from weird
> positions. We tried for 4 months with my first, and sporadically since
with
> both.  Hence the mattress on the floor next to me. Which works well
> sometimes!
>
> Thanks for the hints about meditation Pinky - I actually bought a couple
of
> those books about 6 years before I had kids - I saw them and loved them. I
> will try them with her. And yes she is a snorer, so will get that checked
> out.
>
> Thank-you ladies.
>
> Kate
>
> --
> This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
> Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.
>


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Re: [ozmidwifery] Co-Sleeping

[Maxine Wilson]

Gosh - you bought back memories of sleeping with my first child Jo.  The
feet pinching skin whilst burrowing under your back with the sharp toenail
torture!!!  Also the constant wanting to lie on top of you rather than next
to - ie throwing the leg over incessantly.  She still sleeps like this even
now (age 10) and I avoid bed sharing with her if I can convince my husband
to instead! (if there is a need).  He is a heavier sleeper and so generally
is not so affected.  Thank goodness the latest snuggle bunny is a quiet
little sleeper!!
Maxine
- Original Message - 
From: "Jo Bourne" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: 
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 11:07 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Co-Sleeping


> I think it really depends on personalities and sleep styles too though. We
still cosleep with our 3.5 yr old and despite every mattress arrangement we
have tried it guarantees me a bad night sleep. If Isabelle just wanted to be
near by then what you are suggesting would rock, but she sleeps wedged into
my armpit, with her fingers digging a hole in my belly button, and as I try
to drift away from her she follows me across the bed until her (6'7") father
and I have less than half the bed to share and she is taking up the rest.
This happened even when we had mattresses side by side on the floor. It
means I have to spend the whole night in one position, usually on my back
with my head wedged between pillows (instead of on top of one) and with both
arms over my head to make room for the small person wedged in to one side
and the very large person trying not to fall off the bed on the other side,
or trying not to be crushed into the wall or whatever. I wake up sore and
cranky. She!
>   arguably sleeps better. Apart from getting sore I also don't get that
true restful sleep with Isabelle in the bed.
>
> We persist because she sleeps like me - lightly and irregularly. Her
wakings are not habitual and I see no possibility of simply retraining her
not to have a regular Xam waking because there is no pattern to break. I
also believe that she lies awake for up to an hour, or more, during the
night most nights and that she would be frightened/sad to do this alone in
her own room. It's a blessing that she has learned she has to lie quietly
and still and wait to go back to sleep next to us.
>
> My point being that sometimes the arrangement of beds/mattresses makes no
real difference to a cosleeping arrangement. And even it if is the "best"
option for a family it can still be pretty exhausting and unpleasant.
>
> cheers
> Jo
>
> At 6:44 AM +0800 28/10/05, Mary Murphy wrote:
> >The most successful co-sleeping arrangements I have seen (as a homebirth
> >midwife) are those households which have beds of the same height all
across
> >the room or ditto mattresses on the floor.  The bedroom is the sleeping
room
> >and the other rooms are the nap, play, dressing rooms. Then everyone gets
> >the sleep they need as there is plenty of room and no danger of falling
off.
> >MM
> >
> >"I really wish co-sleeping worked for us,  but it doesn't - I don't sleep
> >well with my kids in the bed and often end up with muscle aches from
weird
> >positions. We tried for 4 months with my first, and sporadically since
with
> >both.
> >
> >Hence the mattress on the floor next to me. Which works well
> >sometimes!"
> >
> >--
> >This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
> >Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.
>
>
> -- 
> Jo Bourne
> Virtual Artists Pty Ltd
> --
> This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
> Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.
>


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Re: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS HILARIOUS

[sharon]

Title: Message



great story thaxs

  - Original Message - 
  From: 
  Sylvia Boutsalis 
  To: ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au 
  
  Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 10:02 
  AM
  Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS 
  IS HILARIOUS
  
  great story, nearly peed my pants!!
   
  Sylvia 
  Adelaide
  

-Original Message-From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Helen and 
GrahamSent: Thursday, 27 October 2005 7:41 PMTo: 
ozmidwiferySubject: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS 
HILARIOUS
 
Lizard Birthing 
StoryIf you have 
raised kids (or been one), and gone through the petsyndrome including 
toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you 
laughing out LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the 
vet.Here's what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up 
to tell me there was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he 
holds prisoner in his room."He's just lying here looking sick," he 
told me."I'm serious, Mom. Can you help?"I put my best 
lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. 
One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I 
immediately knew what to do.>"Honey," I called, "come look at the 
lizard!"








"Oh my gosh," 
my husband diagnosed after a minute."She's having 
babies.""What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and 
Ernie, Dad!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we 
said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my husband."Well, 
what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" heinquired.(I 
actually think he said this sarcastically!)"No, but you were 
supposed to get two boys!" I reminded him, (in mymost loving, calm, 
sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together)."Yeah, Bert and 
Ernie!" my son agreed."Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some 
guys, you know," Heinformed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you 
think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see 
what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, 
this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to 
witness the miracle of birth." OH, Gross!" they 
shrieked.Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a 
litter oftiny little lizard babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I 
really do think he was being snotty here, too, don't you?)We peered 
at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like atiny foot would 
appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later."We don't appear to 
be making much progress," I noted."Its breech," my husband 
whispered, horrified."Do something, Mom!" my son 
urged."Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot 
when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried 
several more times with the same results."Should I call 911?" my 
eldest son wanted to know."Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." 
(You see a pattern here with the men in my house?)"Let's get 
Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet withmy son holding 
the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged."I 
don't think lizards do Lamaze," his father noted to him. (Men can be so 
cruel to their own young. I mean what he does to me is one thing, but this 
boy is of his loins, for God's sake.)The vet took Ernie back to the 
examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying 
glass."What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested 
scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and Mrs. 
Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"I gulped, 
nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my 
husband asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is 
not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a 
boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into 
maturity, like most male species, they umummasturbate.Just 
the way he did, lying on his back. "He blushed, glancing at my husband. 
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mrs Cameron."We were silent, 
absorbing this."So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my husband 
offered."Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. 
Moresilence.Then my vicious, cruel husband started to giggle. And 
giggle. And then even laugh loudly."What's so funny?" I demanded 
knowing, but not believing that the man I married would commit the upcoming 
affront to my flawless femininity.Tears were now running down his 
face."It's just...that...I'm picturing... you pulling on 
it's...it's...teenylittle..." he gasped for more air to bellow in 
laughter once more."That's enough," I warned.We thanked th

Re: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep

[JoFromOz]

jo wrote:



I also have a beautiful relaxation/visualization cd, where the voice takes
the children through beautiful streams, meadows and waterfalls and they meet
fairies, butterflies and unicorns. It really is lovely. I have used it
before at 'arsenic hour' when you're trying to get dinner done and the kids
are running a muck. Have them all lay down on the loungeroom floor and put
on the cd - A 30 mins of bliss!

You can buy the cd, which is called making rainbows through
[EMAIL PROTECTED] or phone (08) 9593 1949

Best of luck.

JO x
 


That is an awesome idea, Jo!

From the other Jo (Mum to Will, 5 months old yesterday, and is rolling 
now!)


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This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
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[ozmidwifery] sleep

[cath nolan]

After 3 children  in 5 years and many nights 
sleeping with baby/toddler/child, I still feel like I have slept on a bus in the 
morning. I believe you do what works for you and yours.  
Cath

RE: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep

[jo]

Hi Kate,

I am lucky in that I have never had any major sleep issues with any of my
kids, however I have a friend whose little boy is 6 and she still has major
sleep issues and up to him several times every night.

All 4 of my children have recently started a yoga/relaxation class (my kids
are 4, 5, 7 and 9). The first half is full on postures and breathing
techniques (hanging upside down from ropes attached to the wall etc and very
energetic) and the second half is deep relaxation / visualization. I invited
my friend to bring her son along, which she did on wed evening, she rang me
the next morning and said he's gone to bed at 7.30pm and hadn't woken until
8am the following morning. As you can imagine she was rapt. I do think the
mixture of using up lots of energy and then relaxation techniques has a lot
to do with it.

I also have a beautiful relaxation/visualization cd, where the voice takes
the children through beautiful streams, meadows and waterfalls and they meet
fairies, butterflies and unicorns. It really is lovely. I have used it
before at 'arsenic hour' when you're trying to get dinner done and the kids
are running a muck. Have them all lay down on the loungeroom floor and put
on the cd - A 30 mins of bliss!

You can buy the cd, which is called making rainbows through
[EMAIL PROTECTED] or phone (08) 9593 1949

Best of luck.

JO x


-Original Message-
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Jo Bourne
Sent: Thursday, 27 October 2005 12:23 PM
To: ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep

I have been seeing Amber Laris in the city since I was a child and she is
amazing. When we were still in Adelaide she would check Isabelle for me
every now and then when I went it (as a babe) and only once felt the need to
do an adjustment (soon after a nasty head accident). Isabelle loves her.
Also wonderful for pregnancy, turned my stubbornly posterior babe for me.

cheers
Jo

At 11:30 AM +0930 27/10/05, Tania Smallwood wrote:
>Hi Kate,
>
>I'd recommend Simon Kent, chiro at Victoria Park chiropractic, ad I've
heard
>that Andrea Wheatley at Nth Adelaide Osteopathic Clinic is a great
osteopath
>for children...
>
>Tania
>xxx
>
>
>
>--
>This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
>Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.


-- 
Jo Bourne
Virtual Artists Pty Ltd
--
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Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.


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Re: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS HILARIOUS

[Jenny Cameron]

Helen
 
Don't feel silly, not all lizards lay eggs, some 
are live bearers and many reptiles have a bifid penis which could be mistaken 
for a tiny foot. Men are so heartless! However, women have better memories, just 
bide your time! Thanks for sharing this gem. Cheers
 
Jenny
 
Jennifer Cameron FRCNA FACMPresident NT branch 
ACMIPO Box 1465Howard Springs NT 083508 8983 19260419 528 
717
 
 

  - Original Message - 
  From: 
  Helen and Graham 
  To: ozmidwifery 
  Sent: Thursday, October 27, 2005 7:40 
  PM
  Subject: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS 
  HILARIOUS
  
   
  Lizard Birthing 
  StoryIf you have 
  raised kids (or been one), and gone through the petsyndrome including 
  toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing 
  out LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.Here's 
  what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there 
  was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his 
  room."He's just lying here looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, 
  Mom. Can you help?"I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face 
  and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed 
  lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to 
  do.>"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  "Oh my gosh," my 
  husband diagnosed after a minute."She's having babies.""What?" my 
  son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Dad!" I was equally 
  outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to 
  reproduce," I accused my husband."Well, what do you want me to do, 
  post a sign in their cage?" heinquired.(I actually think he said this 
  sarcastically!)"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded 
  him, (in mymost loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth 
  together)."Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed."Well, it's 
  just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," Heinformed me. (Again 
  with the sarcasm, you think?)
  By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what 
  was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is 
  going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness 
  the miracle of birth." OH, Gross!" they shrieked.Well, isn't 
  THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter oftiny little 
  lizard babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I really do think he was being 
  snotty here, too, don't you?)We peered at the patient. After much 
  struggling, what looked like atiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a 
  scant second later."We don't appear to be making much progress," I 
  noted."Its breech," my husband whispered, horrified."Do 
  something, Mom!" my son urged."Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in 
  and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It 
  disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results."Should 
  I call 911?" my eldest son wanted to know."Maybe they could talk us 
  through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the men in my 
  house?)"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the 
  vet withmy son holding the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, 
  breathe," he urged."I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his father noted 
  to him. (Men can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what he does to me 
  is one thing, but this boy is of his loins, for God's sake.)The vet 
  took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal 
  through a magnifying glass."What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I 
  suggested scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and 
  Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"I gulped, 
  nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my 
  husband asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not 
  in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy. You 
  see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, 
  like most male species, they umummasturbate.Just the way he 
  did, lying on his back. "He blushed, glancing at my husband. "Well, you 
  know what I'm saying, Mrs Cameron."We were silent, absorbing 
  this."So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my husband 
  offered."Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. 
  Moresilence.Then my vicious, cruel husband started to giggle. And 
  giggle. And then even laugh loudly."What's so funny?" I demanded 
  knowing, but not believing that the man I married would commit the upcoming 
  affront to my flawless femininity.Tears were now running down his 
  face."It's just...that...I'm picturing... you pulling on 
  it's...it's...teenylittle..." he gasped for more air to bellow in 
  laughter once more."That's enough," I warned.We thanked the 
  Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. 
  He was glad everything was going to be 

Re: [ozmidwifery] Co-Sleeping

[Jo Bourne]

I think it really depends on personalities and sleep styles too though. We 
still cosleep with our 3.5 yr old and despite every mattress arrangement we 
have tried it guarantees me a bad night sleep. If Isabelle just wanted to be 
near by then what you are suggesting would rock, but she sleeps wedged into my 
armpit, with her fingers digging a hole in my belly button, and as I try to 
drift away from her she follows me across the bed until her (6'7") father and I 
have less than half the bed to share and she is taking up the rest. This 
happened even when we had mattresses side by side on the floor. It means I have 
to spend the whole night in one position, usually on my back with my head 
wedged between pillows (instead of on top of one) and with both arms over my 
head to make room for the small person wedged in to one side and the very large 
person trying not to fall off the bed on the other side, or trying not to be 
crushed into the wall or whatever. I wake up sore and cranky. She!
  arguably sleeps better. Apart from getting sore I also don't get that true 
restful sleep with Isabelle in the bed.

We persist because she sleeps like me - lightly and irregularly. Her wakings 
are not habitual and I see no possibility of simply retraining her not to have 
a regular Xam waking because there is no pattern to break. I also believe that 
she lies awake for up to an hour, or more, during the night most nights and 
that she would be frightened/sad to do this alone in her own room. It's a 
blessing that she has learned she has to lie quietly and still and wait to go 
back to sleep next to us.

My point being that sometimes the arrangement of beds/mattresses makes no real 
difference to a cosleeping arrangement. And even it if is the "best" option for 
a family it can still be pretty exhausting and unpleasant.

cheers
Jo

At 6:44 AM +0800 28/10/05, Mary Murphy wrote:
>The most successful co-sleeping arrangements I have seen (as a homebirth
>midwife) are those households which have beds of the same height all across
>the room or ditto mattresses on the floor.  The bedroom is the sleeping room
>and the other rooms are the nap, play, dressing rooms. Then everyone gets
>the sleep they need as there is plenty of room and no danger of falling off.
>MM
>
>"I really wish co-sleeping worked for us,  but it doesn't - I don't sleep
>well with my kids in the bed and often end up with muscle aches from weird
>positions. We tried for 4 months with my first, and sporadically since with
>both. 
>
>Hence the mattress on the floor next to me. Which works well
>sometimes!"
>
>--
>This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics.
>Visit  to subscribe or unsubscribe.


-- 
Jo Bourne
Virtual Artists Pty Ltd
--
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RE: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS HILARIOUS

[Sylvia Boutsalis]

Title: Message



great 
story, nearly peed my pants!!
 
Sylvia 

Adelaide

  
  -Original Message-From: 
  [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
  [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Helen and 
  GrahamSent: Thursday, 27 October 2005 7:41 PMTo: 
  ozmidwiferySubject: [ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS 
  HILARIOUS
   
  Lizard Birthing 
  StoryIf you have 
  raised kids (or been one), and gone through the petsyndrome including 
  toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing 
  out LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.Here's 
  what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there 
  was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his 
  room."He's just lying here looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, 
  Mom. Can you help?"I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face 
  and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed 
  lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to 
  do.>"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  "Oh my gosh," my 
  husband diagnosed after a minute."She's having babies.""What?" my 
  son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Dad!" I was equally 
  outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to 
  reproduce," I accused my husband."Well, what do you want me to do, 
  post a sign in their cage?" heinquired.(I actually think he said this 
  sarcastically!)"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded 
  him, (in mymost loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth 
  together)."Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed."Well, it's 
  just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," Heinformed me. (Again 
  with the sarcasm, you think?)
  By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what 
  was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is 
  going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness 
  the miracle of birth." OH, Gross!" they shrieked.Well, isn't 
  THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter oftiny little 
  lizard babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I really do think he was being 
  snotty here, too, don't you?)We peered at the patient. After much 
  struggling, what looked like atiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a 
  scant second later."We don't appear to be making much progress," I 
  noted."Its breech," my husband whispered, horrified."Do 
  something, Mom!" my son urged."Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in 
  and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It 
  disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results."Should 
  I call 911?" my eldest son wanted to know."Maybe they could talk us 
  through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the men in my 
  house?)"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the 
  vet withmy son holding the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, 
  breathe," he urged."I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his father noted 
  to him. (Men can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what he does to me 
  is one thing, but this boy is of his loins, for God's sake.)The vet 
  took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal 
  through a magnifying glass."What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I 
  suggested scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and 
  Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"I gulped, 
  nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my 
  husband asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not 
  in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy. You 
  see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, 
  like most male species, they umummasturbate.Just the way he 
  did, lying on his back. "He blushed, glancing at my husband. "Well, you 
  know what I'm saying, Mrs Cameron."We were silent, absorbing 
  this."So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my husband 
  offered."Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. 
  Moresilence.Then my vicious, cruel husband started to giggle. And 
  giggle. And then even laugh loudly."What's so funny?" I demanded 
  knowing, but not believing that the man I married would commit the upcoming 
  affront to my flawless femininity.Tears were now running down his 
  face."It's just...that...I'm picturing... you pulling on 
  it's...it's...teenylittle..." he gasped for more air to bellow in 
  laughter once more."That's enough," I warned.We thanked the 
  Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. 
  He was glad everything was going to be okay."I know Ernie's really 
  thankful for what you've done, Mom," he 
  toldme.
  "Oh, you have NO idea," my husband agreed, collapsing 
  with laughter.2 - Lizards - $140...1 - Cage - 
  $50...
  Trip to the Vet 
  - $30...Memory of your wife pulling on a lizard's wacker. Pri

[ozmidwifery] Co-Sleeping

[Mary Murphy]

The most successful co-sleeping arrangements I have seen (as a homebirth
midwife) are those households which have beds of the same height all across
the room or ditto mattresses on the floor.  The bedroom is the sleeping room
and the other rooms are the nap, play, dressing rooms. Then everyone gets
the sleep they need as there is plenty of room and no danger of falling off.
MM

"I really wish co-sleeping worked for us,  but it doesn't - I don't sleep 
well with my kids in the bed and often end up with muscle aches from weird 
positions. We tried for 4 months with my first, and sporadically since with 
both.  

Hence the mattress on the floor next to me. Which works well 
sometimes!"

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Re: [ozmidwifery] Older Children's Sleep

[Kate &/or Nick]

Thank-you everyone. You have given me ideas and reassurance (which is lovely 
to hold onto right now). I will work my way through them all. Something has 
to work!

I really wish co-sleeping worked for us,  but it doesn't - I don't sleep 
well with my kids in the bed and often end up with muscle aches from weird 
positions. We tried for 4 months with my first, and sporadically since with 
both.  Hence the mattress on the floor next to me. Which works well 
sometimes!

Thanks for the hints about meditation Pinky - I actually bought a couple of 
those books about 6 years before I had kids - I saw them and loved them. I 
will try them with her. And yes she is a snorer, so will get that checked 
out.

Thank-you ladies.

Kate 

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[ozmidwifery] lizard - THIS IS HILARIOUS

[Helen and Graham]

 
Lizard Birthing 
StoryIf you have raised 
kids (or been one), and gone through the petsyndrome including toilet-flush 
burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out 
LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.Here's what 
happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there 
was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his 
room."He's just lying here looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, 
Mom. Can you help?"I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and 
followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on 
his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.>"Honey," I 
called, "come look at the lizard!"








"Oh my gosh," my 
husband diagnosed after a minute."She's having babies.""What?" my 
son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Dad!" I was equally outraged. 
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I 
accused my husband."Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in 
their cage?" heinquired.(I actually think he said this 
sarcastically!)"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded 
him, (in mymost loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth 
together)."Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed."Well, it's just 
a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," Heinformed me. (Again with 
the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what 
was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is 
going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the 
miracle of birth." OH, Gross!" they shrieked.Well, isn't THAT 
just great! What are we going to do with a litter oftiny little lizard 
babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I really do think he was being snotty here, 
too, don't you?)We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what 
looked like atiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second 
later."We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted."Its 
breech," my husband whispered, horrified."Do something, Mom!" my son 
urged."Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when 
it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more 
times with the same results."Should I call 911?" my eldest son wanted to 
know."Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern 
here with the men in my house?)"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said 
grimly. We drove to the vet withmy son holding the cage in his 
lap."Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged."I don't think lizards 
do Lamaze," his father noted to him. (Men can be so cruel to their own 
young. I mean what he does to me is one thing, but this boy is of his loins, for 
God's sake.)The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at 
the little animal through a magnifying glass."What do you think, 
Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he 
murmured. "Mr and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a 
moment?"I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie 
going to be okay?" my husband asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. 
"This lizard is not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to 
happen...Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, 
as they come into maturity, like most male species, they 
umummasturbate.Just the way he did, lying on his back. "He 
blushed, glancing at my husband. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mrs 
Cameron."We were silent, absorbing this."So Ernie's 
just...just...Excited," my husband offered."Exactly," the vet replied, 
relieved that we understood. Moresilence.Then my vicious, cruel husband 
started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly."What's so 
funny?" I demanded knowing, but not believing that the man I married would 
commit the upcoming affront to my flawless femininity.Tears were now 
running down his face."It's just...that...I'm picturing... you pulling 
on it's...it's...teenylittle..." he gasped for more air to bellow in 
laughter once more."That's enough," I warned.We thanked the 
Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He 
was glad everything was going to be okay."I know Ernie's really thankful 
for what you've done, Mom," he toldme.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my husband agreed, collapsing 
with laughter.2 - Lizards - $140...1 - Cage - 
$50...
Trip to the Vet - 
$30...Memory of your wife pulling on a lizard's wacker. Priceless!!! 
Doesn't anyone know lizards lay eggs??
 

  
  

  
   
  

  


  
 
  
 
  
 
  
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Information __This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus 
system.http://www.eset.com


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[ozmidwifery] spa/pool in Sydney?

[Janet Fraser]

Hi all,
who can help me find a spa or 
pool (other than inflatable) for a hb mama in Sydney?
Ta.
J
Joyous Birth Home Birth 
Forum - a world first!http://www.joyousbirth.info/forums/
 
Accessing Artemis Birth 
Trauma Recoveryhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/accessingartemis

RE: [ozmidwifery] Birth Options Eastern Melb

[Ken WArd]

The 
Angliss has a birth centre, and is the only place I would want to birth. All the 
midwives are great, and they are willing to go one on one.  
Maureen

  -Original Message-From: 
  [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
  [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]On Behalf Of Kelly @ 
  BellyBellySent: Wednesday, 26 October 2005 10:07 PMTo: 
  ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.auSubject: [ozmidwifery] Birth Options 
  Eastern Melb
  
  Hello 
  all,
   
  My beautiful 20 year old sister 
  has found out that she is (unexpectedly) pregnant and has little support from 
  her (ex) partner. She lives in the Eastern suburbs of Melbourne – Boronia way 
  – and I would like to direct her to some more gentler, supportive birth 
  options near her – she wants to be close to home but I don’t know any that 
  would be great – ideas please!!! 
   
  Any shared care GP’s would be 
  great, hospital suggestions (have suggested a birth centre) etc. but she is 
  young and frightened. While she’ll have my support all the way as a birth 
  attendant, I think she’s going to need a gentle hospital environment around 
  her if possible. She’s only just found out so I have plenty of time to 
  encourage her to read the right books and empower herself with knowledge, but 
  a good start with a good carer and hospital down her way will be a great help. 
  She’s not open to homebirth, which is okay, the most important thing is that 
  she births where she feels safe. Possibly may go private, she has private 
  cover but will have to watch her money on one 
  income.
  Best Regards,Kelly 
  ZanteyDirector, www.bellybelly.com.au & 
  www.toys4tikes.com.auGentle 
  Solutions For Conception, Pregnancy, Birth & BabyAustralian Little 
  Tikes Specialists