Re: Salutory Solstice!
SOME HOLIDAY HUMOR…….. The 12 Days of Technology Before Christmas/Solstice On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me: A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree anyway?) On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?) And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!) On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Three French users (who, of course, think they know everything) Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all over the net) And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?) On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over and over) Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over trivial things?) Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones they are?) And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a pointer error?) On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than silver!) Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on hold? Three French users (No, we don't have foot pedals on PC's. Why do you ask?) Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I would know which ones to fix!) And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are you nuts?!?!) On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!) Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean not terminated!) Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR? Damn!) Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page to the screen…) Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're in the ceiling!) And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this was written?) On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Seven license failures (Expired? When?) Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to each other!) Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need wide SCSI?) Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this time…) Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an any key, but…) Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would set it myself!) And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk to Lars - NOW!) On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security violation!) Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?) Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on updates?!?) Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be fast, isn't it?) Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer me back - DAMN!) Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to end a program) Two transceiver failures (What do you mean babbling transceiver?) And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English in Oslo?) On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the servers?) Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?) Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!) Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the network?) Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same ID?) Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that already.) Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do you ask?) Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?) And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find Lars! L-A-R-S!) On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?) Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens room? Why?) Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow Internet here!) Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?) Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator for Lotus! ) Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?) Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number before…) Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head crash!) Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power connection?) And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index pointers?) On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?) Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an extension?) Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room tiles in mauve?) Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate dial-in?) Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we have?!?!) Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!) Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be calling!) Four support calls (Put me
Re: Salutory Solstice!
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house, Not a program was working, not even a browse. The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care, Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer. The users were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of inquiries danced in their heads. When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear. More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean, From weekends and nights in front of the screen. A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk. And laying his finger on the ENTER key, The system came up, and worked perfectly. The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted; The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed. He tested each whistle, he tested each bell, With nary an abend, and all had gone well. The system was finished, the tests were concluded, The client's last changes were even included! And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want… (attributed variously, my copy came from here: http://www.mdarwin.ca/humour/night-before-xmas/night-before-crisis.phtml ___ Post Messages to: ProFox@leafe.com Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
RE: Salutory Solstice!
... And Feliz Navidad! to all. PabloSr * Original Message: * - * From: Ted Roche [EMAIL PROTECTED] * * Happy astronomical event! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanuka, * Salacious Saturnalia, all! See you next astronomical season! mail2web - Check your email from the web at http://mail2web.com/ . ___ Post Messages to: ProFox@leafe.com Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
Re: Salutory Solstice!
Mele Kalikimaka, Houli Makahiki Oi [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: ... And Feliz Navidad! to all. PabloSr * Original Message: * - * From: Ted Roche [EMAIL PROTECTED] * * Happy astronomical event! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanuka, * Salacious Saturnalia, all! See you next astronomical season! mail2web - Check your email from the web at http://mail2web.com/ . [excessive quoting removed by server] ___ Post Messages to: ProFox@leafe.com Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
