> -Original Message-
> From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Sam Carleton
> Can someone enlighten me as to how to remove myself from this mailing
> list?
Some mailing lists provide unsubscribe information in each message, others
in a "Welcome message" at the time you join (you keep all those, right?),
still others do nothing and expect you to remember how you signed up and
then use the key to correct the situation. In the event the
key is not available, the following general information should be kept to
ensure you do not receive excess email.
This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully
before beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one screwdriver, one pair of pliers, one
heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of
sani-wipes.
Step #1: Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your
Internet Service Provider (GOD).
Step #2: If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this
list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually
located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will
deliver a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours
from this list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have
keys to the "mailhost". The reason why this machine is locked up is
because this is typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at
your facility and the people with keys don't want to share it. If you
must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the
tools needed?).
Step #3: Find the ON/OFF switch for this machine. Using the pliers, set
the switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards until the disposable
plastic switch breaks away from the computer casing. Discard the
disposable plastic switch in an environmental-friendly manner. This will
alert the mailman to not deliver the diskettes with the messages to the
"mailhost" not unlike the little red flag found on mailboxes. This should
resolve your mail problem immediately.
Step #4: You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 hours.
If this should happen, you will need to disable the "mailhost" once again
with more forceful measures. Repeat Step #2. Don't be suprised if there
is a sturdier door in place than the one you destroyed previously. This
is due to the fact that the "Have Key" clique found out that someone has
seen their private stash of computer equipment.
Step #5: After you have once again regained entry into the
"mailhost" room, open up the back of the "mailhost". There may be a
large tv-like device on top of the "mailhost" You will need to remove
this first. Take your wire cutters, and cut any cables binding the
tv-like device to the "mailhost". Set the tv-like device to the side.
With your screwdriver, remove each and every screw that you can find on
the "mailhost". Once this is done, the "mailhost" should break away into
two or more pieces.
Step #5: Find a large box with a fan attached to it. It will be clearly
marked with the following labels: "Danger" "High Voltage" "Do not open -
no user-servicable parts". Don't worry, these labels are merely in place
to satisfy OSHA requirements and you are not in any danger at all. Take
the bucket of saline water and pour it into any vents or ports that the
large box may have. Any extra water should be poured directly into the
computer chassis, be sure to properly soak each and every component.
Step #6: In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right on
occassion), douse any flames with the sani-wipes.
This solution is provided without warranty. It is not bio-degradable or
fat-free. In the event of sudden death, contact a physician immediately.
Thanks to [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Brian Marriott) for this info.
Hope this helps. Have a nice day.
