<blockquote> <blockquote> Astute Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit's. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Left Tackle?” I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary’s. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys. Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the freakin' class! Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. </blockquote> </blockquote>
