Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Depression, in various stages affect the greater part of our planet's population. Even the professionals find depression difficult to witness when the patient is smiling. Depression does affect Quads, because of body chemistry and life styles. I agree, its not fun. I am not trained to deal with it, but I've learn to listen and not be judgmental. Great Reply Don. Best Wishes In a message dated 5/27/2014 10:43:51 P.M. Central Daylight Time, donpric...@yahoo.com writes: Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I am grateful for everything I have. My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. I don't just believe that, I know it. It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours to take on your own. Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do,) to what we still have available (or can do.) If you can see, be thankful. If you can hear, be grateful. If you can think, praise the heavens. Somebody wrote that they miss the simple things, like sitting up in bed and putting their feet on the floor. If you could travel back in time you'd tell that guy not to take ANYTHING for granted. Randy Pausch, who died from his cancer in 2008, less than a year after giving his last lecture, would love to come back and tell you that same thing today. Don't take YOUR life for granted. Can't go camping alone in the wilderness? Become a scout leader and inspire the kids to step away from the X-Box. Can't bed a bunch of babes? Find one you really like and write her the greatest love letter ever created--she wouldn't stand a chance. Can't move your body? Move your mind! Take a class, read the 100 greatest books ever written, join your city's council on disability issue
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Really well stated Don!! Hope you feel better Bobbie, we are all in this together. Meredith - Original Message - From: "Larry Willis" To: "quad-list" Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2014 7:26:48 PM Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? Don, your reply is eloquent and passionate, not to mention brave. It is very easy to fall into despair as a quad, especially as you grow older and see friends and family pass away and others become disabled or crippled with pain. My mother and wife both have physical problems that make me weep. My wife, Melissa, has heart and blood pressure problems plus edema and recurring pleurisy that hangs over our heads like a dark cloud. My mom is nearly 81. She still gets around, but I can see a difference in her nearly every day. And all I can do is be an added burden. I know life is precious, and I have been blessed with two beautiful kids and a 31-year job as a teacher. I am causing pain and physical damage to my wife as she rolls and tugs me around. She can barely walk for the back pain. It just seems to be all downhill for all of us. Thanks to everyone for letting me blow steam. Larry Sent from my iPad On May 27, 2014, at 11:33 PM, Don Price < donpric...@yahoo.com > wrote: Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I am grateful for everything I have. My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. I don't just believe that, I know it. It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours to take on your own. Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Don, your reply is eloquent and passionate, not to mention brave. It is very easy to fall into despair as a quad, especially as you grow older and see friends and family pass away and others become disabled or crippled with pain. My mother and wife both have physical problems that make me weep. My wife, Melissa, has heart and blood pressure problems plus edema and recurring pleurisy that hangs over our heads like a dark cloud. My mom is nearly 81. She still gets around, but I can see a difference in her nearly every day. And all I can do is be an added burden. I know life is precious, and I have been blessed with two beautiful kids and a 31-year job as a teacher. I am causing pain and physical damage to my wife as she rolls and tugs me around. She can barely walk for the back pain. It just seems to be all downhill for all of us. Thanks to everyone for letting me blow steam. Larry Sent from my iPad > On May 27, 2014, at 11:33 PM, Don Price wrote: > > Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to > mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not > to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night > praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. > > But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely > lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of > you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder > and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I > am grateful for everything I have. > > My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this > simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical > depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a > physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. > If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health > hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. > > On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of > things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, > I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be > vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as > inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a > disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that > misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm > sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in > Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're > just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. > Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! > > However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues > causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. > I don't just believe that, I know it. > > It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to > wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. > For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor > at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live > due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available > on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured > mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at > living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away > precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the > strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. > > I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an > exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to > lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose > (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is > going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help > books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours > to take on your own. > > Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once > I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the > mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do,) to what we still have > available (or can do.) If you can see, be thankful. If you can hear, be > grateful. If you can think, praise the heavens. Somebody wrote that they miss > the simple things, like sitting up in bed and putting their feet on the > floor. If you could travel back in time you'd tell that guy not to take > ANYTHING for granted. Randy Pausch, who died from his cancer in 2008, less > th
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
I use to wonder that too. now that I have a terminal cancer, I wish to spend and make the very best of days with my kids and especially my g-daughter. I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not wake up in the morning. Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts?Bobbie -Original Message- From: Larry Willis To: quad-list Sent: Tue, May 27, 2014 4:27 pm Subject: Fwd: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? What's left can be and is great, but it sure as hell doesn't compensate for what is gone. Not in my experience, anyway. Sent from my iPad Begin forwarded message: Resent-From: quad-list@eskimo.com From: RONALD L PRACHT Date: May 27, 2014 at 1:54:42 PM EDT To: "quad-list@eskimo.com" Subject: Re: Fwd: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? Reply-To: RONALD L PRACHT I just want to go to the lake like I once did. Go to my camping spot nestled three miles back in the woods and ride my four wheeler. I want to be able to go shoot targets with my guns and enjoy cleaning them. I want to be able to ask out any woman and have a chance at taking her out on sat night. I want to work on my truck and change my own oil. I would like to get into one more fist fight to feel im still alive. I want to feel sex again and have a regular woman that loves me next to me every night. Mostly, I want to be independent from others, show up and leave when I want to without guilt or being forced to do something. I want to sit on a toilet and feel a bowell movement. I want to go to family events again and be able to go out in the garage with the men. I want to cut grass and smell that fresh cut smell. I want to work hard at a job and get a paycheck again. I want to feel proud again. Have a bunch of buddies over and get a lil crazy. Sadly a lot of these things will never happen for me anymore. I am still greatful to be alive most of the time. My next segment will be whats left still to do! Ron On Tuesday, May 27, 2014 9:52 AM, Larry Willis wrote: Ditto, Ron, ditto. Sent from my iPad Begin forwarded message: Resent-From: quad-list@eskimo.com From: RONALD L PRACHT Date: May 26, 2014 at 10:15:36 PM EDT To: "quad-list@eskimo.com" Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? Reply-To: RONALD L PRACHT When Im in pain many times I question if I will wake up. I have had times when I have my talks with the lord and say I just cant do this anymore, but then I wake up for another bowell routine ron On Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26 PM, Gmail wrote: I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not wake up in the morning. Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts?Bobbie
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Don and All, Don I can't tell you how much appreciate you time and thought of your email ... I'm truly touched. I'd like to respond, but need a few days. I've been battling a persistent headache for over 6 weeks now, nausea and lower intestinal pain. I went to my GP we did blood work and everything is fine except for very, very low in vitamins D (most likely because I've been stuck in bed). He also ordered a virtual colonoscopy which is a cat-scan of my intestine. If I had the "usual" colonoscopy I'm quite sure I'd have AD. Besides, why not start out less invasive. I truly cherish knowing you are all out there and are REALLL, REALLY listening. Jim, thanks AGAIN for forming this list. I would love nothing mire than to personally give you a HUG. Bobbie Smile Everyday > On May 27, 2014, at 11:33 PM, Don Price wrote: > > Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to > mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not > to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night > praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. > > But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely > lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of > you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder > and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I > am grateful for everything I have. > > My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this > simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical > depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a > physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. > If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health > hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. > > On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of > things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, > I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be > vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as > inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a > disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that > misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm > sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in > Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're > just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. > Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! > > However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues > causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. > I don't just believe that, I know it. > > It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to > wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. > For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor > at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live > due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available > on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured > mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at > living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away > precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the > strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. > > I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an > exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to > lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose > (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is > going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help > books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours > to take on your own. > > Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once > I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the > mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do,) to what we still have > available (or can do.) If you can see, be thankful. If you can hear, be > grateful. If you can think, praise the heavens. Somebody wrote that they miss > the simple things, like sitting up in bed and putting their feet on the > floor. If you could travel back in time you'd tell that guy not to take > ANYTHING for granted. Randy Pausch, who died from his cancer in 2008, less > than a year after giving his last lecture, would love to come back and tell > you that same thing today.
RE: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Don, you said that so much more eloquently than I can. I too have been pondering how to answer the question and my daughter and I talked about it extensively. I can only remember one time since I was injured when I seriously thought about not living any longer and I was sitting in my wheelchair at the top of the stairs from the patio, 22 stairs and with my luck I would just injure myself more and probably wouldn't be able to talk and what is the worst thing that could happen to a woman other than being able to talk? I do have pain, and I have had my share of surgeries, blocked intestines, emergency trips to the hospital, but being a fighter and from a long line of women who are fighters, I just look for another solution or a better way of doing things. What I wouldn't give to be able to scratch my nose. As healthy as I am, I do wish I could move more than just my head so that I could really hug my grandchildren rather than just pressing my head against them, but that is so much better than not being here. Do I have as much energy as I used to-of course not, I am 24 years older-but do I look forward to each day? Absolutely yes. I love the new master gardener program that I have joined (no, I do not do the gardening, everyone else has to J) but I am thrilled to death, in a manner of speaking, that I'm going to be able to introduce gardening on a very small scale to some elderly and disabled people that are not able to get out very much, so they will enjoy having more interaction with young people and the joy of gardening and harvesting your own lettuce for your salad. Do I have dreams? Always so many, it's hard to choose which one is the most important. Right now, it is trying to figure out how I can get from Reno to Santa Barbara California in two weeks to see my niece receive her doctorate in art history and see my sister who has been able to get a release from her Dr. While she is fighting cancer to see her daughter graduate. My sister lives in Virginia and I have no way to be a support to her during this time and we are all the family each other has. Hopefully we will be able to do it, but if not I will survive albeit regretfully. I want to see my grandson stop focusing on himself and become the thoughtful young man he was a couple of years ago before he became Mr. Know it all, my other grandson to realize his dream of writing a book, support my young granddaughter and her current goal of becoming a fashion designer (she's only 10), watch the seven year old become a baseball star, and the four year old granddaughter as she develops her own persona. I want to get financing for the grandiose idea and hard work that I have put into designing and be able to build a small complex where families that have a member who is disabled have a small home that is designed for wheelchairs have space to enjoy being outdoors and able to interact more with other families were facing some of the same problems. I still want to do a parachute jump, go scuba diving in the Caribbean where it is warm, go to China and be able to walk on the great wall, jump in my car on a whim rather than a preplanned excursion just to go shopping, etc, etc and so forth. No, I probably won't do most of those things, but I will damned well not give them up until I die! I will rejoice in the little things, like sitting in the sun and listening to fine music, reread a couple of good books and hopefully many more new ones, enjoy some excellent meals and just all the little things that make each day unique and different from the day before. Clinical depression is so difficult to diagnose from a lay persons point of view but it is certainly treatable and can make an outstanding difference in someone's life. We do have our up's and downs, but continual downs are a huge warning sign. I only know this from secondhand, but my beloved son died 11 years ago after attempting suicide, but then realizing he did not want to die but was killed accidentally by a semi truck as he was trying to signal for help. We all missed the signs, and I do not wish anyone to have to live with the aftermath. Bobbi, please analyze your life today, this is not quite like you appear to be on the list in the past as you have often been the one to bolster someone else up. We cannot wish ourselves to die, so maybe try to wish yourself and talk to somebody about enjoying life more. Motor mouth again. Sorry. But as Maya Angelou said so eloquently " Rising high, high above me...a constant call up from misery, leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise into daybreak miraculously clear. I still rise." Have hope and try to remain optimistic. Joan
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Bobbie, you and Ron have summed up a lot of the things we'd all like to do-or do once again...(I noticed you did not add, wanting to jump a ramp with a moterbike again , ;-) ) just kidding with that last line, but many of us know how you feel as we grow older with the pressure of quad life on us and our loved ones ! Dan H** On Tuesday, May 27, 2014 9:09 PM, Gmail wrote: I just want to cook & eat what and when I want. I want to wear a drop dead dress and heels and go out dancing. If I can't sleep, I want to get up in the middle of the night. I want to clean my place MY way. I want to paddle a canoe on a lake again. I want to sail my sailboat again. I want to water ski again. I want to go swimming again. I want to go snow skiing again. I want to put a back pack on and hike up a mountain camp overnight with a friend or two. I want to drive a stick shift again. I want to stay out all night and get in trouble when I get home. I want to slow dance with Pete. I want to have sex and know what it feels like. I want to have an orgasm know what it feels like. I want to have shower sex that I've never have had. I want to pack a light suitcase and drive three hours to my sisters in Saratoga, NY for the weekend. I want to be able to do yoga and tai chi. I want to rollerblade and cross country skiing for the first time. I want to be able to sew my own clothes. I want to take care of somebody that needs as much help as I do. I want to take care of Pete when he doesn't feel well. I want to learn to play the harp. I want to feel the earth between my toes. I want to be able to turn in the middle of the night without waking somebody up. I want to plant and grow vegetables and flowers in a garden. I want to take a trip to Europe with a friend. I want to be needed and have purpose. I want to go to a picnic and if it starts to rain run into the house with everybody else and not into a garage with one person keeping me company. I want to pick up and hold my nieces and nephews as infants and toddlers. I want to go to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep ... and never wake up. I'm done. It's been 41 years and each year there's a new problem. I am in so much pain in my endurance level continues to drop. My family and friends do not understand they just remembering me full of energy. Bobbie On May 27, 2014, at 1:54 PM, RONALD L PRACHT wrote: I just want to go to the lake like I once did. Go to my camping spot nestled three miles back in the woods and ride my four wheeler. I want to be able to go shoot targets with my guns and enjoy cleaning them. I want to be able to ask out any woman and have a chance at taking her out on sat night. I want to work on my truck and change my own oil. I would like to get into one more fist fight to feel im still alive. I want to feel sex again and have a regular woman that loves me next to me every night. Mostly, I want to be independent from others, show up and leave when I want to without guilt or being forced to do something. I want to sit on a toilet and feel a bowell movement. I want to go to family events again and be able to go out in the garage with the men. I want to cut grass and smell that fresh cut smell. I want to work hard at a job and get a paycheck again. I want to feel proud again. Have a bunch of buddies over and get a lil crazy. > > >Sadly a lot of these things will never happen for me anymore. I am still >greatful to be alive most of the time. My next segment will be whats left >still to do! > > >Ron > > > >On Tuesday, May 27, 2014 9:52 AM, Larry Willis wrote: > > > > >Ditto, Ron, ditto. > >Sent from my iPad > >Begin forwarded message: > > >Resent-From: quad-list@eskimo.com >>From: RONALD L PRACHT >>Date: May 26, 2014 at 10:15:36 PM EDT >>To: "quad-list@eskimo.com" >>Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? >>Reply-To: RONALD L PRACHT >> >> >When Im in pain many times I question if I will wake up. I have had times when >I have my talks with the lord and say I just cant do this anymore, but then I >wake up for another bowell routine >> >> >>ron >> >> >> >>On Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26 PM, Gmail wrote: >> >> >> >>I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not >>wake up in the morning. >>Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts? Bobbie >> >> >> >> > >
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Anyone that has that thought needs to read dons post.. Its my son that is a c 6-7 and as a mother seeing my son in the pain and all I sad to say have wished a # of times he would just pass so he would not have the pain and all the BS and then he get up and has a better day I hope you a better day... Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Bobbie, I've been thinking about your email since you posted it, trying to mentally compose a reply. Here's my short answer: No, I've never wished not to wake up. In fact, the opposite is true for me--I go to sleep every night praying that I get another opportunity to be alive tomorrow. But, it's not a simple question to answer, is it? I consider myself extremely lucky because 32 years post-injury I don't have the debilitating pain many of you describe. I don't have any pressure sores or kidney stones; my bladder and bowels function well and I still don't need Viagra. I'm not bragging; I am grateful for everything I have. My first thought is that you have to be honest with yourself, Bobbie. Is this simply a temporary period of 'the blues,' or do you possibly have clinical depression? It's a very important distinction because depression does have a physiological basis and can be effectively helped with medical intervention. If you are having suicidal thoughts I beg you to seek a mental health hotline--I guarantee there's one available in your community. On the other hand, if you're just feeling down and out, having a rough go of things at the moment, then I'm glad you had the guts to mention it here. Yes, I honestly think it took great courage to share a weak moment here, to be vulnerable. 'Us people' with disabilities are always held up as inspirational; we're fonts of strength and wisdom because we survived a disability. We all know what a bunch of bullshit that is. Partly, that misconception is fed by the media and their fixation on the 'supercrip.' I'm sorry, but if I see one more news story about a guy climbing Half Dome in Yosemite using only his tongue I'm going to puke! All of us here know we're just regular human beings, getting up, doing our business, going to bed. Guess what? Sometimes we even have bad days! However, Bobbie (and all), it is my firm belief that--barring medical issues causing depression--we (and only we) have the power to make ourselves happy. I don't just believe that, I know it. It's somewhat ironic that I read your email, entitled "To wake, or not to wake up?" the same day I started reading 'The Last Lecture,' by Randy Pausch. For those of you unfamiliar with Mr Pausch's Last Lecture, he's a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University who learned he had only a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. His accurately-titled 'last lecture' is available on youtube and shouldn't be missed. The irony is that this man endured mind-boggling surgeries and procedures so he could have even a chance at living a few days longer, and here we are talking about throwing away precious days, weeks, years. I'm reading the book because my father--the strongest man I've ever known--has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I'm not judging anyone here. I can't walk a mile in your shoes (to use an exceedingly inappropriate cliche,) so I don't have the right, or desire, to lecture anyone. But, as I said, I know that we have the ability to choose (yes, choose) happiness and gratefulness in our lives. HOW you do that is going to be very much an individual thing. There are a million self-help books out there, and a few of them are even good, but that journey is yours to take on your own. Having said that, I still feel the compulsion to make a few suggestions (once I start typing I just can't stop--sorry!) First of all, one has to make the mind shift from what we've lost (or can't do,) to what we still have available (or can do.) If you can see, be thankful. If you can hear, be grateful. If you can think, praise the heavens. Somebody wrote that they miss the simple things, like sitting up in bed and putting their feet on the floor. If you could travel back in time you'd tell that guy not to take ANYTHING for granted. Randy Pausch, who died from his cancer in 2008, less than a year after giving his last lecture, would love to come back and tell you that same thing today. Don't take YOUR life for granted. Can't go camping alone in the wilderness? Become a scout leader and inspire the kids to step away from the X-Box. Can't bed a bunch of babes? Find one you really like and write her the greatest love letter ever created--she wouldn't stand a chance. Can't move your body? Move your mind! Take a class, read the 100 greatest books ever written, join your city's council on disability issues. If they don't have one, start one. Refute Stephen Hawking's gravitational singularity theorem. Or write an haiku. My point is.well, you get my point. "I guess it comes down to a simple choice really. Get busy living, or get busy dying." -Andy Dufrenes, The Shawshank Redemption. I'm heading off to bed now. My caregiver will be here shortly and I'm bushed. Tomorrow I have committed to organize my music collection after I get home from work. It sounds mundane but I'm excited! Thirty-plus years of collected music will provide both dust and amazing memories.
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
I just want to cook & eat what and when I want. I want to wear a drop dead dress and heels and go out dancing. If I can't sleep, I want to get up in the middle of the night. I want to clean my place MY way. I want to paddle a canoe on a lake again. I want to sail my sailboat again. I want to water ski again. I want to go swimming again. I want to go snow skiing again. I want to put a back pack on and hike up a mountain camp overnight with a friend or two. I want to drive a stick shift again. I want to stay out all night and get in trouble when I get home. I want to slow dance with Pete. I want to have sex and know what it feels like. I want to have an orgasm know what it feels like. I want to have shower sex that I've never have had. I want to pack a light suitcase and drive three hours to my sisters in Saratoga, NY for the weekend. I want to be able to do yoga and tai chi. I want to rollerblade and cross country skiing for the first time. I want to be able to sew my own clothes. I want to take care of somebody that needs as much help as I do. I want to take care of Pete when he doesn't feel well. I want to learn to play the harp. I want to feel the earth between my toes. I want to be able to turn in the middle of the night without waking somebody up. I want to plant and grow vegetables and flowers in a garden. I want to take a trip to Europe with a friend. I want to be needed and have purpose. I want to go to a picnic and if it starts to rain run into the house with everybody else and not into a garage with one person keeping me company. I want to pick up and hold my nieces and nephews as infants and toddlers. I want to go to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep ... and never wake up. I'm done. It's been 41 years and each year there's a new problem. I am in so much pain in my endurance level continues to drop. My family and friends do not understand they just remembering me full of energy. Bobbie > On May 27, 2014, at 1:54 PM, RONALD L PRACHT wrote: > > I just want to go to the lake like I once did. Go to my camping spot nestled > three miles back in the woods and ride my four wheeler. I want to be able to > go shoot targets with my guns and enjoy cleaning them. I want to be able to > ask out any woman and have a chance at taking her out on sat night. I want to > work on my truck and change my own oil. I would like to get into one more > fist fight to feel im still alive. I want to feel sex again and have a > regular woman that loves me next to me every night. Mostly, I want to be > independent from others, show up and leave when I want to without guilt or > being forced to do something. I want to sit on a toilet and feel a bowell > movement. I want to go to family events again and be able to go out in the > garage with the men. I want to cut grass and smell that fresh cut smell. I > want to work hard at a job and get a paycheck again. I want to feel proud > again. Have a bunch of buddies over and get a lil crazy. > > Sadly a lot of these things will never happen for me anymore. I am still > greatful to be alive most of the time. My next segment will be whats left > still to do! > > Ron > > > On Tuesday, May 27, 2014 9:52 AM, Larry Willis wrote: > > > > Ditto, Ron, ditto. > > Sent from my iPad > > Begin forwarded message: > >> Resent-From: quad-list@eskimo.com >> From: RONALD L PRACHT >> Date: May 26, 2014 at 10:15:36 PM EDT >> To: "quad-list@eskimo.com" >> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? >> Reply-To: RONALD L PRACHT >> >> When Im in pain many times I question if I will wake up. I have had times >> when I have my talks with the lord and say I just cant do this anymore, but >> then I wake up for another bowell routine >> >> ron >> >> >> On Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26 PM, Gmail wrote: >> >> >> I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not >> wake up in the morning. >> Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts?Bobbie > >
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
Oh, yes many times Bobbie I get sick of the pain! lindaf - Original Message - From: "Gmail" To: "quad-list" Sent: Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26:39 PM Subject: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up? I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not wake up in the morning. Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts? Bobbie
Re: [QUAD-L] To wake, or not to wake up?
When Im in pain many times I question if I will wake up. I have had times when I have my talks with the lord and say I just cant do this anymore, but then I wake up for another bowell routine ron On Monday, May 26, 2014 8:26 PM, Gmail wrote: I have a question. 90% of the time when I go to sleep I hope/wish I will not wake up in the morning. Dose anybody else ever have these thoughts? Bobbie
