Society still reacts with surprise and confusion at my presence in many settings. It means I have to convince people I belong instead of just getting on with life https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/oct/26/person-disabilities-trailblazer-society-convince-life ‘It is possible to respect someone’s choices and bravery without being patronising, and it is possible to recognise difference without surprise, and yet many fail at these basic tasks of acceptance.’ Photograph: PD Amedzro/Al I recently watched a powerful discussion of the importance of role models, after the all-female production of The Tempest that’s currently showing in London. During a Q&A, the cast, director and producer talked passionately about the value of taking women-led theatre into schools and prisons, showing young and disadvantaged girls what is possible
If someone who looks like you, shares your background or understands your experience has broken a path, it is going to be much easier for you to follow. Whether that’s because other people will be more amenable, or because of the psychological boost that comes from not being the odd one out, it remains true that not being the first is of infinite benefit. But what happens when you have to be the first? I’ve occupied this position for much of my life. Not only was I the first visibly disabled person to go to any of the schools I attended, I am often the first disabled person many people I encounter seem to have met or spoken to. This status can announce itself subtly, but surely. I’ll notice a sidelong look at my personal assistant, a pause in conversation, while the person tries to work out if everything is “OK” – by which they mean: normal. While this is my normal, it is, I realised as I listened to the after-show discussion, quite an odd situation to be in – and one that can sometimes leave me drained. I feel compelled to be bubbly and, crucially, to crack a few jokes, because that’s the easiest way to break through – to go from “wheelchair user” to “person” Being the first disabled person in a setting can lead to some strange situations. A particular incident springs to mind. I was 11 years old and my new school had taken my year on a “team building” day to an adventure park. The aim of the day was to climb things and build things and somehow make friends along the way. As I could neither climb nor build, I was left to make suggestions from afar, feeling incredibly awkward as the teachers encouraged the others to remember I was there. It is safe to say I did not make any friends. The issue was not that I was left out, far from it. Instead, by trying to include me in things I could not do, the day served only to highlight that I was different. I knew, and everyone else knew, that I stuck out like a sore thumb – a feeling that followed me for the next seven years of education. Every time I watched sports day from the sidelines or had to be carried upstairs to my music lessons by the school caretaker (it is unclear why no one thought to move the class), they made the mistake of including to the point of exclusion. And I was very aware that this all came down to the fact that no one really knew what to do, because I was the first I am reminded of those feelings every time someone briefly panics when I start a conversation or is surprised that I am a writer (“Oh, good for you,” they say, “well done”). I am reminded that I am still one of the few when I manage to secure some work experience, only to be told that the office isn’t accessible, sorry. And I am reminded of it when, sometimes – with every phone call in advance to check access, every explanation that, no, I can’t use the tube – going about daily life feels like wading through treacle. Advertisement It needn’t be so. Society shouldn’t need you to follow a set path in order to be able to accept what you’re doing without question or confusion. We need to, collectively, make fewer assumptions, from the seemingly innocuous (that I can only write about disability, that a woman can’t be Prospero) to the more serious (that I can’t possibly have a job, that a young person from an ethnic minority isn’t drama school material). It is possible to respect someone’s choices and bravery without being patronising, and it is possible to recognise difference without surprise, and yet many fail at these basic tasks of acceptance. Simple changes to these behaviours would make life a little easier for those who take the risk of being their own role model. If someone had thought about it, they might have realised that the adventure day was going to result in some pretty awkward situations and sent us to a museum instead. In 2016, being the first to try should not mean expecting a rough ride or being treated like a statistical anomaly. Up and down the country, disabled people are spending their days convincing people that they belong in a school, university or workplace, when really they should just be making choices and getting on with them. Society has work to do for that to be the reality. -- Avinash Shahi Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. 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