You Know You're a Mom When ...
1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.
2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room
together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call
you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you
locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child
leaking bodily fluids on you.
6. Popsicles become a food staple.
7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where
it is.
10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to
her, after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it
off.
11. Your kids make jokes about farting, burping, pooping, etc. and
you think it's funny.
12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your
guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping,
washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing,
ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing,
helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding
clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling,
feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding,
pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch,
bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope,
PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and
walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep,
drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures,
water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair
forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies
bars
Part II
10. You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
9. You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
8. You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently
sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at
school!
7. You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming
outside the door.
6. You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed
with applesauce.
5. You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away,
not to mention what Bambi does to you.
4. You actually start understanding the Klingon language.
3. You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101
Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
2. You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have
your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up
on your head?"
1. You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying
some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've
reached over and started to cut up his steak!
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