Subject: FW: UNCLASS Air Traffic Control
>
> Subject: UNCLASS Air Traffic Control
>
>
>
> > > Humour Who says pilots and controllers have no sense of humour?
> > >
> > > Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline and
> >> control towers from around the world:
> > >
> > > -----------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
> > >
> > > Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
> > > way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far
> end
> > > of the runway" Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact
> > > Departure on 124.7;did you copy the report from Eastern?"
> > >
> > > Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
> > > yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers"
> > >
> > >
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft.Lauderdale,
> > > made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
> > >
> > > The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew
> > > screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn
right
>
> > > on "Charlie" taxi way; you turned right on "Delta." Stop right there.
> > > I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but
> get
> > > it right."
> > > Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> > > hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever
to
>
> > > sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you
> to.
> > > You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and
I
>
> > > want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
> tell
> > > you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
> > >
> > > The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am".
> > >
> > > Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after
> > > the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage
the
> > > irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every
cockpit
>
> > > at LGA was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her
> > > admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the
> > > silence and asked,
> > >
> > > "Wasn't I married to you once?"
> > >
> > > --------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on
downwind
> > > to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide
spacing
>
> > > between aircraft).
> > >
> > > The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two
thousand
> > > dollars to make a three-sixty in this aeroplane?
> > >
> > > Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four
> > > thousand dollars worth!"
> > >
> > > --------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
> approach
> > > speed just a little too high.
> > >
> > > San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able.
> > > If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a
> right
> > > at the light to return to the airport.
> > >
> > > -------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker
> > > 100, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
> > >
> > > United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got
> > > that Fokker in sight."
> > >
> > > -------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered
> > > lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but
> > > how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with
some
> > > amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange
> > > between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign
> > > "Speedbird 206") after landing: Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning
> > > Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
> > >
> > > Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!" The big British
> > > Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.
> > >
> > > Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"
> > >
> > > Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate
> > > location now."
> > >
> > > Ground: (with some arrogant impatience) "Speedbird 206, haff you
> > > never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
> > >
> > > Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of
> > > Boeing. I didn't stop."
> > >
> > > ---------------------------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > As a junior crew member Pan Am 727 Flight Engineer, I was listening
> > > to the radio waiting for start clearance out of Munich, Germany.
> > > This was the conversation I overheard (I don't recall call signs any
> > > longer):
> > > Lufthansa: (In German) "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
> > >
> > > Ground: (in English) "If you want an answer you must speak English."
> > >
> > > Luft: (In English) "I am a German, flying a German aeroplane, in
> > > Germany. Why must I speak English?"
> > >
> > > Beautiful English Accent: (before ground could answer) "Because you
> > > lost the bloody war!"
>
>
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