from http://www.buzzflash.com/contributors/04/07/con04294.html
<x-tad-bigger>July 14, 2004
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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
<x-tad-bigger>A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>BuzzFlash Note: This was forwarded to us by a BuzzFlash Reader. If you know who wrote it, please let us know so we can provide proper attribution. Thanks.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Feel free to pass this on.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>Friends don't let friends vote Republican.</x-tad-bigger>
<x-tad-bigger>A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION</x-tad-bigger>
