-Caveat Lector-

>From CSM

from the October 29, 2002 edition -
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/1029/p01s01-usmi.html

As troops ship out, stress is rising

By Ann Scott Tyson | Special correspondent to The Christian Science Monitor

HINESVILLE, GA. - Specialist Katherine Dean is writing her two children keepsake 
letters, to
say she loves them and explain "why Mom joined the Army."

Cpl. Jeremy Tendler is telling his girlfriend he'll miss Christmas again, for the 
third year in a
row.

First Lt. Stephen Hommel had to cancel a promised father-son kayaking trip when his
infantry unit was ordered out a week early. Last Thursday, he hugged his wife and 
children
one last time and boarded an aircraft for Kuwait.

As American troops depart for what could become a war with Iraq, the intimate 
logistics of
family life are often obscured by high-visibility deployments of warships, armored 
vehicles,
and fighter jets. Yet the prospect of an invasion is straining couples and leading some
troops to seek ways to stay home. Indeed, as Pentagon leaders debate the strategy and
risks of war, some in the rank and file are gauging the costs of a conflict – and 
finding them
too high.

"We have soldiers who don't want to deploy ... because they feel it's ruining their
marriage," says Capt. Adam Harris, the psychiatrist of the 3rd Infantry Division, a 
rapid-
deployment infantry unit based at Fort Stewart that is preparing for an Iraq war. "The 
Army
is not conducive to married life," he says.

Marital problems, sleeplessness, irritability, and other signs of stress have grown as 
war
seems increasingly likely, he says. "We are seeing a high percentage of stress 
reactions" to
a possible war, says Capt. Ronald Whalen, the division social worker. The uncertainty 
is
also frustrating, as soldiers in the rapid-deployment division are told that a 
training exercise
or routine mission could shift into active combat.

Adjusting to a wartime mission is a factor, too, Captain Harris says. "We don't really 
recruit
soldiers saying 'War is the ultimate, you're going to fight,' " he says. "We have a 
kind of a
peacetime army."

Significant numbers of soldiers, albeit a minority, are turning to chaplains and 
mental health
officials to seek ways out of deployment. Spouses are telephoning military units to 
plead
that their husbands stay behind. "You'd be surprised how many wives call and ask that 
their
husbands not be deployed," says Corporal Tendler, assigned to the headquarters of a 
more
than 700- strong infantry battalion now heading to Kuwait for at least six months.

Overall, the sentiment among officers, enlisted, and families interviewed at this vast
wooded base 40 miles southwest of Savannah is one of hope that war can be averted, and
reluctant acceptance if it cannot. Though confident of victory, they are wary of its 
price in
what one mid-ranking officer calls "wasted lives."

"In my old age, I may be becoming somewhat of a peacenik," says Lieutenant Hommel, a
Gulf War veteran from San Diego, Calif., who is now an Army chaplain. "Some of these
[infantrymen] look like little boys to me, and it's unsettling to put them in harm's 
way."

Indeed, unspoken fear that departing troops may be injured or killed lies just beneath 
the
surface, say spouses, soldiers, and military officials here.

"You go to the 'family readiness group' meetings and they start talking about wills and
power of attorney and you say 'Wow, this is so final,' " says Naomi, Hommel's wife. 
"The
emotions run high and you tend to think in the extreme," she says. "Will they attack 
the
front line? Will I see him again?"

Mrs. Hommel tries to keep her mind off things with a flurry of activity. She arranged 
to have
Christmas card photos taken early with her son and daughter, along with individual 
shots of
her husband in his desert camouflage uniform. She assembled a "creative memory board,"
a collage of images of her husband to hang near the dining table.

She's also joining a "Walk to Kuwait" launched this month: Spouses, children, and rear-
guard battalion members will log miles walked or jogged, aiming for the distance 
between
Fort Stewart and Kuwait.

Other spouses – many of whom are 20-something newlyweds cooped up in small
apartments – feel isolated. High turnover in the Army, with one third of soldiers 
leaving
after their first enlistments, can make friendships fleeting. Some spouses return to 
their
parents' homes. For others, loneliness leads to "comfort spending" and debt.

DURING long deployments, spouses also face practical difficulties – from unexpected 
bills,
challenging children, or illness, to major life crises. One pregnant, 21-year-old wife 
of a
soldier in Hommel's unit is afraid that when her husband leaves, she'll be stalked by 
her ex-
husband, a former soldier with access to the base. She's moved to a new address and
secured a temporary protective order, but still feels threatened as she awaits the 
birth of
her second child.

Lengthy separations from spouses and children can damage relationships, which "tend to
crumble," Harris says.

Specialist Dean, a broadcast journalist with the 3rd Infantry Division, admits that 
her Army
career has taken a toll on her husband, son, and daughter. "My son said, 'Mom, it's 
time for
you to get out.' That broke my heart," Dean says. Her husband, James, a property
manager, is supportive to the point of ironing her uniform daily and sometimes 
polishing
her boots. But with his wife gone for most of the past two years, he is weary of the
absence.

"You can tell the children anything you want, but she's still not home," he says. 
Facing
possible deployment, Dean feels torn between her devotion to family and her patriotic
dream of military service. "I have that guilty-mother feeling," she says, and worries 
about
dying "without saying 'goodbye' to my kids."

Many Army couples, like the Deans, must schedule birthday celebrations, weddings, and
even honeymoons between deployments. Staff Sgt. Dione Alston is planning to take his
wife, Lawanna, on a long-postponed honeymoon cruise to Jamaica – before or after his
tank battalion deploys to Kuwait in November. Each night, he rocks his toddler son to 
sleep
in hopes of forming a bond that will endure through his absence. His biggest fear: "I 
come
back and [my son] looks at me like I'm a stranger."

Alston and Lawanna discuss what she'll buy their two children for Christmas and 
birthdays,
and what home repairs may arise. Her parents live nearby, which helps. But Mrs. Alston
admits how worried she is. "I sit at my desk all day and watch CNN. I keep hoping 
there's
no conflict and he comes back." They don't talk about the possibility that he won't 
return.
"It's something we dance around," she says.

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