http://PIGGIE.snort.ag.intellect.flag.mom.applepie.com.usa/ PIG Institute for the Study of Foreign Affairs (PISFA) (photo) Alex Constantine PISFA was founded in 1987 by political researcher Alex Constantine after a reading of the late Penny Lernoux¹s Cry of the People, a travelogue of terror in Latin America. Constantine asssembled the finest minds he could find among the legions of homeless of Los Angeles, offering them blocks of cheese and crack cocaine in exchange for studies on federal policy on the Third World. Constantine raised funds for PISFA by blackmialing a number of right-wing Republican politicians, including Newt Gingrich, Goerge Bush, Larry Pressler (an attorney for the Knights of Malta and a former senator from South Dakota), Otis Chandler, the FBI, NSA, DEA and LAPD, among others. With the $5.3-billion that he gathered from these sources, Constantine purchased every single tract of property in the Red Light District and assembled his team of "street scholars" to reflect and write on international affairs between drug sessions and sexual encounters, a regimen designed to counter everything that is known about time-and-motion in the workplace. The water coolers were filled with an earthy but reasonable Cabernet. Policy meetings were held every full moon promptly at midnight. The first rule of thumb at PISFA ‹ after an insistence on proper toilet habits ‹ has, since its inception, been function follows form. form in this atmosphere is defined as ³anything the old man wants.² The first PISFA study, published by Hustler Press in March 1988, was entitled, ³A Pronounced Lack of Privacy in the Men¹s Room,² an alarming investigative work that announced to the scientific community the discovery of ³Systemic Urinal Kennel Syndrome² (SUKS), the universal, unconscious sense that all men experience in public bathrooms ‹ simply put, that the male individual will be forced to eat slugs and kill a goat if he does not leave the facilities quickly after relieving himself. The next PISFA monograph released in November 1989 by PISFA scholars was addressed directly to then President George Bush, recommending a number of amendments in authoritarian modalities inextricably woven into foreign and domestic policy ³Is that EVIL Dripping from Your Bung Hole, You Nazi Puke? ... Fuck You! ... dumbass ...² Although President Bush adopted only one or two of the recommendations prescribed in the report, it is known that G.W. Bush, the president's son, ordered copies for his entire cabinet a month after he was elected governor of Texas. But the year of the publication of this acclaimed PIGSA study, former President Jimmy Carter was nearly assassinatied by an Institute scholar who mistook him for Rocky Balboa. This blemish in the history of the PIG Institute came to an abrupt end when the therapist treating the said scholar,Louis Jolyon West from UCLA¹a Neuropsychiatric Institute, appeared on NBC, CBS and ABC and a number of cable channels simultaneously and hypnotized the country into completely forgetting the assassination attempt ....
