- http://www.bobharris.com/ Hi folks – The Working Assets radio thing is now officially called RadioForChange.com, and it's cool as hell to be involved in. My show has settled in comfortably at 8-11 am EST, 5-8 Pacific, and you can hear it in RealAudio every weekday at http://www.radioforchange.com. In addition to our regular features from the editors and publishers of half the progressive press, this week my guests include Barry Scheck, Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Arianna Huffington, and about a dozen other folks who are a blast to yak with. For those of you who asked and sent kind wishes about the piece in my last column concerning how a family's love literally saved the life a of a friend in the hospital: *THANK YOU.* Yes, his recovery is continuing, and I've passed your sentiments along. Smiles all around. I don't mean to sound like Blanche DuBois, but the kindness of total strangers is indeed a wondrous and hopeful thing. Also: about 20 people wrote in to explain why KFC hands out honey "sauce" instead of actual honey: it's vastly less expensive, apparently. Figures. Thanks! bh THE SCOOP for March 21, 2000 ___________________________ George W. Bush and Dr. Laura The Best Conservative Leaders America Could Ask For © 2000 Bob Harris http://www.bobharris.com mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] * * = italics *"Can you name the president of Chechnya?"* -- Andy Hiller, WHDH-TV, Boston, to George W. Bush, 11/4/99 *"No, can you?"* -- George W. Bush You won't hear about it on CNN, but George W. Bush is so lost on foreign policy that he recently got the prime minister of Canada confused with a pile of french fries, beef gravy, and cheese curd. That's actually true, I swear. But let's back up. You remember how George W. Bush failed a pop quiz on the names of foreign leaders? The excuse was that the governor of Texas doesn't have to know who's running Pakistan, India, Chechnya, or Taiwan, the world's four leading potential flash points. Which is true. Nor does he need to know the difference between Slovenia and Slovakia; that the people of Greece and Kosovo are not known as "Grecians" and "Kosovians;" and that the massacres undertaken by the U.S.-backed Indonesia military were not caused because "the East Timorians decide to revolt." No, a governor of Texas doesn't need to know that stuff. A president does. Which is why Al Gore now challenges Bush to debate on a daily basis. This week, Gore began running his first attack ad of the new campaign, targeted at four key midwestern swing states. Here's the relevant text: "America deserves a real debate, not more negative ads from George W. Bush. Al Gore is ready. Is George W.?" So far, Bush refuses. You can imagine why. Anyhow, you'd still think the dude would at least know the prime minister of Canada, right? Canada is America's biggest trading partner and shares the longest border. They (mostly) speak the same language. Hell, George W.'s Texas Rangers even play ball up there. For those of you who aren't sure, the Canadian prime minister guy's name is Jean Chretien. He's French-Canadian, or what Bush would probably call a Quebecian. The name "Chretien" isn't trivia; it's a layup for anyone able to get past $1000 with Regis. And it's certainly not much to expect from someone who claims to be able to lead the United States for the next four years. Poutine, on the other hand, is a horrifying Quebecois junk food: french fries smothered in gravy and cheese curd. BLEEAUGH. This poutine stuff is so gross to so many palates -- and yet satisfying to many others -- that it's famous in Canada. America, similarly, reveres Spam. So go figure. Anyhow, a mischievous Canadian named Rick Mercer, knowing Bush's utter lack of knowledge about the world, asked George W. Bush a few weeks ago during a fundraiser in Michigan if he was glad to have the support of prime minister Poutine. The name "Poutine" was pronounced several times in a loud and clear voice. There's not much possibility of a misunderstanding. So did George W. Bush know the name of Canada's prime minister, or not? This is Bush's response, word for word, transcribed from an audio tape of the encounter provided to RadioForChange.com by Mr. Mercer, which I have played numerous times on my radio show: *"I appreciate his strong statement. He understands I believe in free trade. He understands I want to make sure our relations with our most important neighbor to the north of us, the Canadians, is strong, and we'll work closely together."* Gee, George... first-grade grammar aside, maybe one way to strengthen those relations might be to learn the prime minister's name. Imagine for a moment that same question being asked of Bill Bradley. Or Al Gore. Or Ralph Nader. Or Pat Buchanan. Or John McCain. Or anyone you like. Whether or not they've personally eaten poutine -- and that act right there might bring their judgment into question -- do you suppose they just might know that "poutine" isn't Canadian prime minister Chretien's last name? And notice that Bush not only refused to acknowledge his uncertainty, but embroidered it with a completely fictitious knowledge of Mr. Poutine's stance on NAFTA. My God, it's Dan Quayle with better parents. POSTSCRIPT During a special RadioForChange.com Super Tuesday broadcast, I informed CNN's national radio anchor, on the air, of the Poutine story. So far, CNN hasn't touched it. And while the embarrassing incident was reported widely in Canada and Europe, there is no mention I can find in the archives of the major news wires, the Washington Post, or the other major papers I had time to check online. Which surprises me. After all, think of the headlines: GOP Candidate Confirmed As Callow Nitwit Cannot Admit Ignorance, Looks Even Sillier You'd think that would sell a paper or two... ___________________________ By now you're familiar with the controversy swirling around "Dr." Laura Schlessinger, the physiologist and erstwhile internet nudie queen currently moonlighting as the #1 radio host in America despite her reported lack of an actual degree in psychology. (According to Salon.com, her post-grad physiology thesis was entitled "Effects of Insulin on 3-0 Methylglucose Transport in Isolated Rat Adipocytes," a project which required her to spend much of her time "pulling fat pads off rat testicles." Which isn't quite the same as family counseling, although it could be an unpleasant outcome. Nor does Laura often mention that the California Board of Behavioral Science Examiners' standards for use of the term "Dr." reportedly require not just a Ph.D., but an actual psychological degree and license. But what do they know?) Instead, twice-married Laura dishes out to the masses a daily wallop of family values, even as she fails even to stay on speaking terms with her own mother. And millions of people listen. Apparently they're not getting enough scolding at home. However, the gay community has of late become particularly upset with Dr. Laura, merely because the good "Dr." -- or, if you prefer, the good rat-testicle-fat-pad-puller-offer -- describes gays and lesbians as "deviant" and "biological errors." In light of frequent anti-gay hate crimes and violence, a balanced personality might be expected to understand why such language might be seen as dangerous, irresponsible, and inflammatory. It's not hard to see just whom is the injured party here. Or is it? Laura, whose self-esteem often appears almost as brittle as her hairstyle, apparently views the entire controversy rather, um, personally -- as her own writing reveals. A few weeks ago, when California considered Proposition 22, the bill against gay marriage, Investors Business Daily commissioned Dr. Laura and Boston Globe columnist Ellen Goodman to write side-by-side, opposing pro vs. con op-ed pieces. Both articles were the same length. Ellen Goodman used the words "I," "me," and "my" a grand total of exactly once, combined. In a 720 word column, however, Dr. Laura used the words "I," "me," and "my" a total of *thirty-nine times.* Add a pretentious third-person self-reference, and the total was forty. Do the math. That's over 5.4% of the *entire article.* Every 19th word. To put that in perspective, she only used the word "the" 35 times. This woman is an icon of emotional health? Laura used the word "I," "me," and "my" more often than the word "the." In fact, if you combine the above, you find that the four words "I," "me," "my," and "the" -- those four words by themselves -- accounted for over ten percent of the entire piece. The words "gay," "lesbian," "homosexual," and similar forms did not appear at all in the first 150 words of the article, and were used a grand total of 15 times combined. Laura referred to herself almost *three times* that often. Apparently, everybody else misunderstood: the whole Proposition 22 thing was really about *her*... ___________________________ ___________________________ Bob Harris is a political humorist whose new morning show can be heard online from 8-11 am EST at http://www.radioforchange.com. To receive a free email subscription to The Scoop, just send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___________________________ Bob’s Big Plug-O-Rama™ (updated 3/21/00): The Hollywood Reporter has recently dubbed yours truly as an heir to the radio legacies of Howard Stern, Dr. Laura, and Rush Limbaugh. (They apparently meant it as a compliment.) Check out http://www.radioforchange.com from 8-11 am Eastern, 5-8 am Pacific. Among the many guests this week are Barry Scheck, Jeff Cohen, Robert McChesney, Norman Solomon, Earl Ofari Hutchinson, and Arianna Huffington. The American Booksellers Association recently made *Steal This Book And Get Life Without Parole* a Recommended choice. The book can be ordered directly from http://www.commoncouragepress.com/steal.html at 25% off retail. You can read some ridiculously kind reviews at http://www.bobharris.com/book.htm. Noam Chomsky’s book on the Balkan War, The New Military Humanism: Lessons >From Kosovo, is now available. I was honored as heck to provide the narration. This, too, is best obtained directly from Common Courage. Syndication of "This Is Bob Harris," the daily 60-second radio commentary, is rolling along. Call your favorite station and ask for the feature. They pay attention, honest. The radio stuff is now also rebroadcast four times daily to over 140 countries by Armed Forces Radio. You can also hear an audio version of my commentaries online at Soapbox, which is at http://www.webactive.com/webactive/soapbox/monday.html. Http://www.bobharris.com is sorely in need of an update, but still includes streaming stand-up comedy clips, radio commentaries, and lots of other stuff like early writing samples from National Lampoon. According to the domain names in the subscriber list, the email version of this column now has subscribers in 49 countries. Welcome to our one reader in Croatia! Ludicrous ad that has nothing to do with this column whatsoever probably follows... ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/links/joinlb
