[CTRL] Humor: (Fwd) Vatican Genome Project

[Shane A. Saylor, Eccentric Bard]

 -Caveat Lector-

-----Original Message-----
From: Ray White <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: Tuesday, February 16, 1999 10:46 PM
Subject: (earthclan) (Fwd) Vatican Genome Project


------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
>Vatican Announces Christ Genome Project
>
>VATICAN CITY - In a stunning development, Pope John Paul II, after a
>private screening of Jurassic Park, announced that the Catholic Church will
>embrace the technology of genetic engineering and embark on an ambitious
>project. Beginning with DNA recovered from the Shroud of Turin, Vatican
>scientists will begin the gene sequencing project immediately, with the
>ultimate goal of of producing a second coming sometime early in the next
>century. In working up to their goal, they will recover DNA from other
>sacred relics, producing a battery of saints and other holy men before
>actually producing the Son of Man. Relatives of the deceased could not be
>reached for comment.
>
>"We understand that this is a big change," the pope said, "and we ask for
>your patience. Obviously we are concerned with declining membership
>worldwide, and we hope this will stabilize our numbers and create a
>resurgence of faith. However, our main goal is to try and wrap this up and
>bring about the Kingdom of God on Earth by, assuming we stay on schedule,
>2013; 2015 at the latest."
>
>Sharp criticism of the project came from the Baptist church, who claimed
>that the Vatican's virtual monopoly on bits of dead holy people should be
>restrained. The Baptist church is pushing for legislation to force the
>Vatican to allow scientists from other religions access to the DNA of
>important religious figures.
>
>"I don't know what they're complaining about," said a Vatican spokesperson,
>"Once we've sequenced the John the Baptist Genome, the license will be
>available for a modest fee. In fact, with our generous pricing structure
>and multi-saint discounts, they could afford several copies. Granted, he is
>not one of our first saints to be produced, but our schedule is available.
>Check us out on the web at http://www.vatican.com/christ_genome.html."
>
>A vatican scientist connected with the Christ Genome Project, discussing
>the project under condition of anonymity, said that the Christ Genome
>Project has a hidden agenda. According to our source, the ultimate goal is
>not, in fact, to clone Jesus, but to use recombinant DNA to create a
>`Jesusraptor.' "The Jesusraptor, about 9 feet long, would be able to chase
>down sinners at speeds of up to 60 kilometers per hour and dispatch them
>with the enormous claws on the big toe of each foot," according to our
>source, who provided us with various technical documents. Vatican sources
>denied this claim, adding that, "when we find out who is spreading these
>lies, we're going to excommunicate them, and then they'd better watch their
>back."
>
>

DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==========
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing!  These are sordid matters
and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically  by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.

Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
========================================================================
Archives Available at:
http://home.ease.lsoft.com/archives/CTRL.html

http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/
========================================================================
To subscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email:
SUBSCRIBE CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED]

To UNsubscribe to Conspiracy Theory Research List[CTRL] send email:
SIGNOFF CTRL [to:] [EMAIL PROTECTED]

Om