New York Post-Gossip-June 4, 2000
SOMEONE'S IN BED WITH THE IRS
By LINDA STASI
WHAT'S worse? Being stalked by Bill Clinton or being audited by
the IRS?
Answer: Both.
Just ask Juanita Broaddrick, Paula Jones or Elizabeth Ward
Gracen. After each woman came forward with a sexual allegation
against Big Billy the big bully, each found herself the victim of
an IRS audit and were forced to indecently expose their assets.
Last week, the feds showed up at Broaddrick's accountant's office
to check out her books.
Hey! Either these are the three unluckiest women in the world, or
something here smells worse than Clinton's socks after a jog to
McDonald's.
According to Steve Teitelbaum, former deputy counsel to the New
York State Department of Taxation and Finance, "Out of 200
million tax returns filed in '97, only 1,519,000 were audited."
In other words, if you haven't seen the president naked, you have
only a three-quarters of 1 percent chance of being audited, but
if you have and then talk about it, your chances of being audited
go up to roughly 100 percent, give or take a point.
Said Teitelbaum: "The chances of these three women, all with
claims against the president, being randomly audited by the IRS
are so astronomical as to be almost incalculable."
Paulie the rocket scientist added it up for me. "It's about a
.0000438 percent, or 1-in- 2,282,530, probability."
The odds that the feds will ever show up are even greater. In
fact, you stand a better chance of getting hit by lightning,
winning Lotto and meeting a straight, single man at a Liza
Minnelli concert than being raided by the IRS.
My odds just went up after writing this, so on the advice of
counsel, I am stapling phony taxi receipts and fake restaurant
tabs to paper and sweating like Richard Nixon's upper lip.
<snip balance>
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Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, YHVH, TZEVAOT
FROM THE DESK OF: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
*Mike Spitzer* <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
~~~~~~~~ <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends
Shalom, A Salaam Aleikum, and to all, A Good Day.
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