NEWS FROM THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY
Politician proposes toy gun buy-back
to prevent kids' "violent behavior"
WASHINGTON, DC -- A politician in Maryland wants to start a
buy-back program for toy guns -- yes, toy guns -- and it's got
Libertarians baffled: They don't know whether to support the program or
snicker at it.
"This is a real dilemma," said Steve Dasbach, the party's
national director. "Do we praise this politician for going after toy
guns instead of Constitutionally protected real guns? Or do we point
out that buying back toy guns will no more keep our streets safe than
buying back non-alcoholic beer will keep Ted Kennedy sober?
"Or should we just give this politician an award for coming up
with the most entertainingly goofy idea of the year?"
This week, Annapolis alderwoman Cynthia A. Carter proposed that
the city start a program to buy back water pistols, cap guns, and other
toy weapons to curb "violent behavior" among children.
The first-term Democrat argued that children "can't distinguish
between a real gun or a play gun," and said she would eventually like
to make all toy guns illegal.
But until that happens, Carter said she will seek city funds or
private contributions to start the toy gun buy-back program.
Libertarians have a hard time taking the proposal seriously,
admitted Dasbach.
"Our first concern was whether this program would lead to the
creation of a new federal agency; the BATTF -- Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco, & Toy Firearms. But our second concern was -- where will this
end?"
For example, if politicians decide this program is successful,
will they then...
* Prevent the next Microsoft by buying back Monopoly games?
* Prevent traffic accidents by buying back Hot Wheels toy cars?
* Prevent burglaries by buying back Barbie's Dream House?
* Prevent deforestation by buying back Lincoln Logs?
* Prevent gambling by buying back Pokemon cards?
* Prevent urban sprawl by buying back Lego bricks?
* Prevent war by buying back G.I. Joes?
Yes, those suggestions are ridiculous -- but no more ridiculous
than the idea that buying toy guns will prevent children from engaging
in make-believe "violence," said Dasbach.
"This month, a school in New Jersey suspended two kindergarten
students after they played cops-and-robbers on the playground, pointed
their fingers at each other like guns, and shouted 'bang bang!'," he
noted. "Which brave politician will be the first to propose a finger
buy-back program?"
But before politicians head in that ludicrous direction -- or
suggest some kind of "compromise," like a seven-day waiting period
before purchasing a toy gun, or toy gun trigger locks -- Libertarians
have a better idea, said Dasbach.
"Here's a suggestion for Alderwoman Carter: Instead of buying
toy guns, buy a clue," he said. "Disarming toy gun-toting tots is a
childish reaction to a serious public problem. A six-year-old with a
water pistol doesn't cause crime; criminals cause crime. And the sooner
politicians figure that out, the safer we will all be."
--
Kathleen
We have passed the boundary that lies between
Republic and Empire.
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