-Caveat Lector- Mon, May 24, 1999 Barbara Sehr - your About.com Guide to: Political Humor Praise Reno Dateline: 12/08/97 They had come from all walks of life, by car, by plane, some by hitchhiking across the country. Men and women together had come without solicitation to this brave new enclave to worship a feminine but stronger arm of the law. A law with dotted "I's," crossed "t's," and dangling Cajone's. "Praise Reno!" The shouts of joy could be heard above the roar of alligators cruising their way across the muddy Florida Everglades, ever vigilant for an interruption in the steady vegan diet that the forces of nature had imposed. Here, just out of harms way was a small, but growing group of human morsels that would catch the olfactory senses of any carnivore. "Praise Reno!" The chants were getting louder, as the cult celebrated an incredible month for the object of its worship. Janet Reno, a former Dade County prosecutor, had become someone special outside this cult of jurisprudence connoisseurs who followed her to the legal limits. Reno, unsinged by the fires of Waco or the lava flow in Washington, DC had now become a global heroine far from the drug-infested ports of Miami. Members of the Reno Cult had already been boosted by a poll in Japan that reported 78 percent of Japanese businessmen would prefer to be stranded on a desert island with the US Attorney General. But now, Japan had accorded her a special honor with resounding global import. Here in the middle of the Everglades, a portable television set brought the message home to people who had always known the good work of their icon. The speech in Kyoto, Japan was no surprise to those who had always believed. "For her meritorious work in reducing global warming by unitarily reducing emissions from US special prosecutors, Janet Reno has done much to reduce the threat of an ecological disaster," the resolution unanimously adopted in Kyoto said. Reno accepted the award modestly, just days after she rejected pressure to appoint still another special prosecutor to investigate campaign finance irregularities. "The emissions created by still another special prosecutor in Washington would bring perilous devastation to my home state," Reno noted. "If Global Warming were allowed to continue, it wouldn't be long before Florida loses its snowbirds and other winter tourist trade to other states, like North Dakota." Reno told the Kyoto audience that much can still be done by the US to reduce its hazardous levels of political emissions. She noted that these hazardous political conditions pour out the equivalent of a "Jeep Cherokee sports utility vehicle for every man, woman and child in Miami. " She says she will work with other members of the Clinton administration to reduce these emissions by: Eliminating television advertising from political campaigns, " a major source of obnoxious gases that peaks every four years." Shortening the campaign season to 30 days, much like Britain and Canada. "This will drastically reduce the level of hot air throughout the US, " Reno noted. Recycling current special prosecutors that can be assigned other projects. "Kenneth Starr is already leading the charge on this," Reno said. Dispersing members of the US House and Senate into their own districts during Congressional seasons, and having them vote by email. "By eliminating the high concentration of these gasses within the Washington, DC area, we can preserve the quiet comfort that the District has come to expect.." "Praise Reno!" The chanters formed a circle as Reno concluded her speech. They had come from all walks of life, by car, by plane, some by hitchhiking across the country. Men and women together had come without solicitation to this brave new enclave to worship a feminine but stronger arm of the law. A law with dotted "I's," crossed "t's," and dangling Cajone's. This was the law of Reno, and the legacy of an Attorney General chosen because she had no need for a nanny. As the coven of worshippers continued with their service, their hands went into the air with each and every "Praise Reno," as all looked toward the poster-sized color portrait that was hung from a tree. As hands were raised, then lowered to the center of the circle, the worshippers chanted more: Reno is Good! Reno is powerful! Praise Reno, Lord over all! Finally, the chief cantor removed his hood, as the chant hushed. "What Reno joined together, let no man tear asunder," said the Vice President of the United States. "May we serve Reno for years to come." "Praise Reno," the worshippers chanted back. http://politicalhumor.miningco.com/library/weekly/aa120897.htm Bard Visit me at: The Center for Exposing Corruption in the Federal Government http://www.xld.com/public/center/center.htm Federal Government defined: ....a benefit/subsidy protection racket! DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright frauds is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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