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Date: Tue, 04 Jul 2000 08:28:58 -0700
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Reply-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: SNET: A Terrible New Discovery

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Subj:   Read and you will know why we are where we are today!!!!!!!!!!
Date:   7/3/00 9:41:07 AM CDT
From:   X Iwo Vet
To:     BOB WORN


   Los Alamos Fire Revelation

   The fire at Los Alamos has one significant consequence. A secret
  scientific document was discovered in a bunker whose security systems
  were mostly destroyed by the fire. This document was leaked to the public
  last weekend.

   Actually it reveals nothing that we didn't already suspect. But it does
  show that the government has known all along that besides arsenic, lead,
  mercury, radon, strontium and plutonium, one more extremely deadly and
  pervasive element also exists.

   Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest
   element known to science. This startling new discovery has been
  tentatively named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50 years.
  This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic
  number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75
  supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic
  mass of 312.

   These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are
   surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
  Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert. However, it can be
  detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

   According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Governmentium causes
  one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally
  take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of
  approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
  reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory
  neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places.

   In fact, a Governmentium sample's mass will actually increase over time,
   since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become
   neutrons forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
   leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever
   morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
   quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".

   You will know it when you see it. If you got the light bulb screwed in
  right.


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