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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noted that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into afforest and has each of them try to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I¡¯m a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Employee: The stress my boss puts me under is killing me. I have migraines, my blood pressure is going through the roof, I can't sleep at night, I just found out that I have an ulcer, and as long as I stay in this job, the only question is whether I'll have a stroke or a heart attack.¡± Friend: So, why don't you quit?Employee: The company has a great health plan.
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