You want lemonade? Here: Occupy: "Hello, Rachael? I'm SoNSo over here at Occupy, and we've got an exciting offer for you." Rachel Dolezal: "Me? I'm in a fetal position on my floor soaked to the bone in a puddle of my tears." Occupy: "Today's your lucky day, bitch." Rachel Dolezal: "Huh? Who you callin' bitch?" Occupy: "You, you glorious hot mess. We need you exactly because you're a bitch in the eyes of the world that wants to hate on you." Rachel Dolezal: "Oh yeah, how the fuck so?" Occupy: "For the next few news cycles, every reporter out there is looking for another angle to shame on your ass, but this will all die down eventually, so we need to strike NOW. Girl, you are solid gold on the hoof, because there's no such thing as bad news." Rachel Dolezal: "You're losing me here. The world hates my fucking guts -- you can't change that." Occupy: "Wanna bet? Here's the deal: we want you to come on board and be our spokesperson." Rachel Dolezal: "Your whole movement will be ridiculed as opportunistic and cynical......not to mention no one wants to hear a single word from me now." Occupy: "You're not getting it. You're notorious. If you come over here and be our mouthpiece, the world will come to us, put attention on us, and THAT'S CASH FLOW, BABY. Attention is EVERYTHING." Rachel Dolezal: "But anything positive I'd say about you guys would be scoffed at simply because they'd know you'd hired me solely to get their cameras on ya. They'll crucify you for your crass hypocrisy since the Occupy movement is all about transparency, and here I have led a life of deceit in the last few years." Occupy: "Not if you give this opening speech we've written for you." Rachel Dolezal: "What? A single speech? Riiiiight." Occupy: "Here it is: Hi! I'm Rachel Dolezal. Yes, I'm a shitheel, but I've been given this opportunity to start to make up for my actions. I've been hired by Occupy to be a spokesperson for two reasons. 1. Attention. You lousy rotten media fucks made me a household word, and now I've got you by the short hairs for the next few days, and everything I say will be "perfect soundbites" -- no fucking way you quote me out of context. You don't want to cover Occupy, but there's just too much buzz right now and you HAVE TO BE HERE.....if only to try to get some footage of me saying something that can be twisted. But we're onto you shits and the game you play. Since you're addicted to outrageous headlines, you won't be able to help yourselves as you try to ruin Occupy for their associating with me so superficially. But no matter what, Occupy will be in the headlines...and that's pure profit.....free advertising that would otherwise cost TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. Occupy needs attention but the Mainstream Media won't cover its achievements and goals. If Occupy was but better known, lots of good hearted donors would become aware of how Occupy is getting it done and say, "Why didn't I hear about this great group before now? I'll send them some bucks." You BigMedia diseased mined psychos are TRAPPED by your own vile needs. 2. Atonement. I must be punished for my misdeeds, and rather than send me to some psychiatric facility where it will take years to untangle my messed up psychology, I can be put to work now on the front lines of a movement with the same skills I was using at the NAACP. I won't have to be anyone I'm not, and the money that Occupy gets will be "a start" on "balancing" (not undoing) what I have done to so many others by my cheating ways. And every question you toss at me, guess what? I'm going to be a politician and just fucking ignore the question and come out with a pre-planned positive blurb about Occupy. I'll take my lesson here from any of the GOP nutjobs who are expert at not answering anything and just saying what they want as the cameras roll. So hate on me all that you possibly can....Occupy fully and openly agrees they've hired me because I'm the wedge they need to get into the headlines, and the more I'm hated, the more millions of readers are triggered into thinking about Occupy." Rachel Dolezal: "Sold! I'll be on the next flight out."
