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F R I E N D S H I P
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Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
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Hi, lama tak jumpa...hehehe...
Maklum, 'juragan' lagi sibuk, euy, jadi yaa...ga sempet posting (alasan aza
sih,hihihih...)
Ok, semoga aku bisa kirim jokes secara rutin lagi...
Enjoy jokes, setelah hampir 1 tahun vakum...:(
*** Jokes begin ***
source: Daily Jokes
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut
a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish
to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young
boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old
man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM!
a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy
dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another
one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any
more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and
said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have
been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do
you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit a glob into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"
[yuuucckkk....]
===
NEW COMPANY POLICIES:
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all
your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early, provided you share of the work is done
enough to keep the job going in your absence.
YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks
notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.
REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those
whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names
begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go
at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a
coworker. In writing, both employees' supervisors must approve this
exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper
roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed
elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
Your Boss
===
WHAT ARE MEN REALLY LIKE?
Men are like.....Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like.....Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night
long.
Men are like.....Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
===
A young man decided to join the police force. As a recruit he was asked
during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."
===
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball
game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his
commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. When
the National Anthem began, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" The patients
complied by standing up.
After the anthem, the doctor yelled, "Down nuts!" so the patients all sat
back down in their seats.
During the game, one of the players hit a home run. The
doctor yelled, "Cheer nuts!" so the patients all broke out into applause and
cheers.
Considering things were going very well, the doctor decided to leave his
patients momentarily and get some munchies and a beer.
When the returned to his seat, there was a riot in progress."What happened?"
he asked a fellow patron sitting next to his group.
The fellow replies, "Well... everything was going just fine until this guy
walked by and yelled "Peanuts! Peanuts! Peanuts!"
***
source: M Yasin
Kijang = Kendaraan Ibu-ibu Jemput Arisan (dengan) Gerombolannya.
--ada nenek,teteh, kakak, bapak, dst...
Zebra = Zompret!!! Enak Belinya, Ribet Angsurannya
--dengan 5 juta, bisa bawa pulang
Panter = Papa Antar Naik (mobil) Tanpa Empat Rasa -murah, tenang, awet,
bersih
--40 ribu keBali? wus..wuss cring..cring.cring , solar tetep aja
item
Kuda = Kendaraan Usaha Dalam Amanat (jabatan)
--it's my life !!!!! (kerja di BSI)
Angkot = Ajak, Naik, Gemetaran (takut ngebut,takut dicopet,takut ditodong),
Kasih Ongkos, Tidak ada kembaliannya
Vespa = VEry SPecial Awards (Enggak ada bank yang hadiah undiannya vespa !)
Viva Vespa !!!!!!!
***
source: Hutch
Tips Menghemat BBM
Dear Friends
Dalam situasi Ekonomi dan Politik di Negeri kita yang Carut Marut ini, kita
mesti pandai berhemat, terutama dalam menghadapi kian melambungnya harga BBM
dan langkanya Minyak Solar di SPBU-SPBU.
Berikut beberapa tips menghemat BBM.
Semoga berkenan.
Perkecil ukuran Tanki Kendaraan anda hingga seperempatnya. Anda pasti akan
berpikir dua kali kalau mau pergi jauh.
Perbaiki kondisi jalanan dari rumah ke kantor anda. Biaya perbaikan jalan
memang mahal, yang penting kan irit BBM.
Hindarilah macet dengan berangkat lebih pagi, misalnya jam tiga pagi, dan
pulang lebih malam, kalau perlu sesekali ajak anak isteri menginap di
kantor.
Lepaskan Kabel Accu selama lima menit kemudian pasang lagi. Tunggu beberapa
saat, lantas pasang lagi. Begitu seterusnya, jangan berhenti.
Mainkan pedal gas, kopling dan rem sehalus mungkin. Lakukan terus secara
bergantian. Dijamin irit BBM, asalkan mobil nggak distarter.
Jangan cari rumah yang dekat kantor. Mahal! Mendingan cari kantor yang dekat
rumah, misalnya Kantor Kelurahan atau Kantor Polisi
Contohlah Angkot atau Bis Kota yang mampu mengoptimalkan jumlah penumpang
sebanyak mungkin. Kalau ngantor bawa mobil ajaklah anak isteri, adik, kakak,
om, tante, teteh, aa, kakek, nenek dan juga tetangga seRT.
Pakailah kendaraan alternatif, misalnya Gantole. Disamping hemat BBM,
gantole adalah kendaraan bebas macet.
Tabrakin saja mobil anda ke pohon, terus minta diderek ke kantor. Mobil anda
memang penyok, tapi yang penting kan bensin di mobil masih utuh.
Carilah Pom Bensin yang lagi gelar Discount atau Sale. Dijamin nggak bakalan
nemuin, lagian bensin anda keburu habis.
Belilah BBM dengan Mata Uang Dollar. Bayangkan anda sedang berada di Amrik,
pasti rasanya murah.
Gantilah bensin dengan Minyak Tanah atau Minyak Tawon. BBM anda akan tetap
awet, karena anda nggak kemana-mana.
Taruh mobil anda di jalanan tanpa dikunci. Anda nggak perlu repot-repot
mikirin BBM lagi.
Kalau mau hemat BBM ya jangan pakai kendaraan. Gitu saja kok repot.
***
source: Zulqoidah
Seorang wanita Jepang diajarkan bahwa bila dia sudah menikah dia harus
selalu menyenangkan suaminya. Pada suatu pagi saat mereka sedang berbulan
madu, si wanita muda bangun dari tempat tidur setelah berhubungan dengan
suaminya, tiba-tiba terdengar suara kentut yang sangat keras.
Dia melihat suaminya dan berkata, "Maaf ya, lubang depan terlalu gembira
sehingga lubang belakang ikutan bersiul."
*** End of Jokes ***
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