P> dear abhi,<BR> <BR> to say that i am proud of you would be an understatement. I have seen you all along through the ups and downs in life and despite all the turmoil that you have undergone I love you for being truthful and asking yourself a question that all gay men getting married should ask themselves " If i had to ask my sister to get married to a known gay friend (no matter how well behaved he may be) will i dare to do that????? "<BR> <BR> I wish more and more gay men would ask themselves this question ??<BR> <BR> I am posting your message on some other groups as well on which you do not subscribe. I am doing it in good faith with a sincere hope that your message is seen in a positive light.<BR> <BR> Vicky<BR> <BR> Note : here is a message that Abhi posted on LGBT India group and I hope folks on the list would ignore the gramatical errors in his mail and read the thought behind.<BR> <BR> <BR> On Wed, 15 Sep 2004 abhi lad wrote :<BR> >Hi to all,<BR> >Well for me this is very serious matter!! Will not say diappointing but will always reflet the views of many youngsters who are at the crucial stage dealing with one's sexuality.<BR>
>I had come out to my parents Four years ago when i was 22 years old. For me it was really difficult task at that time because i belonged to middle class maharastriyan background. The responses from my parents were negative and it was difficult for me to deal with the situation at that time and i think if The Humsafar Trust counselors were not their it would have been unachievable task for me.<BR> >Today me and my parents stand on seperate platforms where both of us stand on our decision about our own views and understandings.<BR> >Well, the reason i gave this background becuase in these last four years as an individual i myself have gone through lot of ups and down in my person life and relationships. Honestly, there were occassions when certain down shattery moment in my life made me rethink about my decision about being gay and living life lonely. I had discussed various issues especially as support system, depressions, mood swing with my immediate freind cirle - within and outside the community.<BR> >Surprisingly, my straight freinds had envy myself for being gay and living the life of my own choices on many occassions. Personally, i myself have gone through a lots of trouma for not being able to achieve desired support system within the community on certain occassions.<BR> >At one point i thought probably that should be the reason for me to get married to a girl and in return i will at least get some support system from other partner. .....<BR> >A sudden thought occured immediately to me that, If i had ask my sister to get married to the known gay friend (no matter how well behaved he may be) will i dare to do that????? Immediate response was not at any cost. Because marriage is not just a ritual, a relationship is always formed on basic foundation called "Trust". After marriage is my gay friend is going to be truly honest to my sister and the answer was......NO.<BR> >Then what right i have ruin somebodies life when i know that my mental and sexual preference is man and not a women. And it dose not have any linkage of being able to satisfy your own wife or not but it is of course has lot to do being honest to your spouce who is married cosidering yourself trustworthy.<BR> >Though we all look for suport system within the community, their is absolutely no harm in building support system of your close hetrosexual freinds who will extend to warm and support to you in long run. We all should understand being a gay dose not cut us out from the society. a support system will automatically developed around your if you adopt freindly approach to the freinds near to your heart and understand you and give them equal importance in your life. Many time being gay we all rely / focus / emphasise so much in our relatioship and search outway of getting married in case the relationship dose not work.<BR> >A support system is always cosidered as family and if you are building the same then make sure that you work on this principle that "Keep Smiling and the World will smile back to you".<BR> >In current Indian scenario at least we have made an effort to bring the gay movement till this stage where every newspaper is talking about the isses relating to the community people. intellecuals are working with the social organizations like The Humsafar Trust who are working for male sexual health.<BR> >At least we have come upto the point where we are visible to the society. Now honestly, its an individual responsibility as a self identified gay men to take this movement furher keeping our vision in mind. Those who wants to find outways to get married are not welcome in this fight....<BR> >Life will go on and their will be a time when married gay men will blame themselves for choosing these outways to get married. I hope all the gay men who intends to get maried should at least once ask the question to themselves before getting married "Are you doing justice to a human being with whom you are taking pledge of living the whole life side by side, sharing her dreams, happiness and sorrows and being truthful to her throughout your relationship called "Marriage"????????<BR> >Its ok to e true to be yourself and accept the reality and fight for your own existence rather than choosing outway by hiding your sexuality to innocent human being who dose not have any falt...!<BR> >Its ok to be gay and be strong to survive for your existence rather than see your weekness in your wifes eyes.....Hope all those gays who knows about their sexuality will give a though before making such choices that will make them repaint in future.<BR> >Proud being alone...!<BR> >Abhinay<BR> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> $9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. 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