THE NEW YORK TIMES December 16, 2006 In New Jersey, Gay Couples Ponder Nuances of Measure to Allow Civil Unions By KAREEM FAHIM
HOBOKEN, N.J. Dec. 15 Away from the loud political arguments over the New Jersey Legislatures vote to establish civil unions for same-sex couples, gays and lesbians across the state have begun to grapple with the practicalities: What verb to use? Get unified? After drinks at a bar here Thursday night, hours after the vote, Rosanna Durruthy, 44, said she and her partner would soon start planning the ceremony they had talked about for years. This is great, said Ms. Durruthy, a Hoboken resident who has lived with her partner for nine years. Will we have the major event where we get the villa in Tuscany? Were still discussing it. (She favors the Amalfi coast.) Ms. Durruthy celebrated the news amid laughter and a long embrace with her old friend Bill Carter, 37, who lives in Texas with his partner. Mr. Carter was happy for his friend and said he considered the law a collective leap forward, but added of his home state: There are no rights there; sodomy just came off the books. New Jersey is the third state to give approval to civil unions; Massachusetts permits gay couples to marry but only if they live in the state. Since Vermont began allowing civil unions in 2000, between 250 and 400 New Jersey couples have gotten hitched there (along with about 200 New York couples a year). Connecticuts civil union laws took effect in October 2005. The 2000 Census found about 16,000 same-sex couples living together in New Jersey, though the Urban Institute, a research organization, says the true count is as much as 50 percent higher; nearly one-third of them are raising children. In interviews with more than a dozen gays and lesbians over the past three days, many talked about following through on long deferred plans now that the law has been passed. Other couples welcomed the broader rights but said little would change, saying that their commitments did not need a government sanction. There was approval from single people as well, even if some had not followed the debate as closely as their friends who share children, homes or bank accounts. The legislation does not spell out procedures for obtaining civil unions, but advocates for same-sex marriage and state officials said the process was likely to mirror that for marriage. In New Jersey, couples apply for a marriage license in the municipality where the bride lives, unless the bride lives out of state; such rules would most likely have to be tweaked. After a 72-hour waiting period, set aside to make certain a couple wants to get married, a municipal registrar issues a marriage license. Weddings in New Jersey can be performed by mayors, many judges, village presidents and ministers. Eric Kabel, who works for a nursing agency and lives in Rahway, said that he and his partner signed up for a domestic partnership in New Jersey the first day that a law passed in 2004 went into effect. Neither of us were real activists, he said. But we wanted them to see the number of people who signed up as partners. When the civil union law takes effect 60 days after the governors expected signature the couple will head to City Hall, Mr. Kabel said, adding, I dont care if the city clerk does it. But while they are eager to claim the rights and benefits provided by the new law, Mr. Kabel lamented that a heterosexual couple who met five minutes ago can get a marriage license, while he and his partner of 16 years cannot. Were a suburban, boring couple, with a yard, a dog, he said. Were friendly to our neighbors. Steve Mandeville and Victor Aluise, partners of 16 years who share a house in Ocean Grove, exchanged wedding bands years ago, in Sedona, Ariz. We were in a beautiful place, it was a beautiful day, Mr. Mandeville recalled. It doesnt matter what you want to call it. If it will keep the heterosexual people happy, lets just call it a union. Isnt that what a marriage is anyhow? Mr. Aluise said the two had not yet decided if they would have another big ceremony, but they would wait until April 25 the anniversary of their domestic partnership registration to register for their union. Im elated, and Im proud to be a New Jerseyan now, he said. Though advocates for civil rights for gay people vowed to keep pushing for same-sex marriage, Alan Fox, the manager of the bar in Hoboken where Mr. Carter and Ms. Durruthy had a drink, the Cage, said he had no desire for gays to win the right to marry. Marriage, Mr. Fox said, had been for his parents (who eventually divorced). If he married, it would be offensive to my people like my mother, Mr. Fox said. Jan Moore, 70, hailed the new law as good for young people. They wont be made to feel like second-class citizens, people who have to walk around and hide who they are or what they are, she said in a telephone interview from her home in Ocean Grove. Ms. Moores partner, a 77-year-old woman who refused to give her name, gave voice to the fears felt by an earlier generation. I was in New York when the cops used to raid bars, she said. You had to show papers. Theyd say, Does your mother know who you are? She also said she had no interest in marriage. Im an old Italian, she said. She said when she was growing up it was always a man and a woman. Ms. Moore, a great-grandmother, said she and her partner have been together for 36 years. Weve climbed a mountain, Ms. Moore said. I didnt think I would see this in my lifetime. Laura Mansnerus contributed reporting from Trenton __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com
