<http://www.tehelka.com/> <http://www.tehelka.com/home/20090328/default.asp> <http://www.tehelkahindi.com/> http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp Home <http://www.tehelka.com/> | Current Affairs<http://www.tehelka.com/channels/news/news_main.asp> | Opinion <http://www.tehelka.com/channels/op-ed/oped_main.asp> | Business <http://www.tehelka.com/channels/Business/Business_main.asp> | Engaged Circle <http://www.tehelka.com/channels/crusader/crusade_main.asp> | Culture & Society <http://www.tehelka.com/channels/Thehub/thehub_main.asp> | <http://emagazine.tehelka.com/> | Web Specials<http://www.tehelka.com/channels/Web_Specials/Web_Specials.asp> | Interact <http://www.tehelka.com/Interactive/> | Archives<http://www.tehelka.com/archive/archive_main.asp> Friday, 26 June 2009 Advertise With Us<http://www.tehelka.com/about/advertise.asp>| <http://www.tehelka.com/feeds/tehfeed.xml> | *TEHELKA INITIATIVES:* Critical Futures <http://www.criticalfutures.org/> | Tehelka Foundation<http://www.thetehelkafoundation.org/> *From Tehelka Magazine, Vol 6, Issue 26, Dated July 04, 2009* *CULTURE & SOCIETY* *queer rights *
*Quilts Of Love* *Queer Pride Week comes once a year but millions of Indian women fight all year round — as women, ‘single’ women and lesbians, finds **AMRITA NANDY-JOSHI* EVEN IF THEY are not fed healthy food, little girls in India are guaranteed a big diet of behavioural norms. A ‘good girl’ ought to be soft-spoken, polite, obedient. She ought to marry. She ought to be a mother. If she dares to stray a little out of step with these prescriptions, it is seen as a momentous act of defiance. If she chooses to marry a man of her choice, it can create considerable tremors and if she decides to marry a girl, she threatens a seismic event — one that rattles the foundations of society. Within the spectrum of sexual minorities, millions of women who love women (popularly called ‘lesbians’) have bent the norms and are fighting at many fronts — as women, ‘single’ women and lesbians — in India’s villages, towns and metros. For those who have come ‘out’, it has been a trapeze act without the net. For those who have not, life is another name for claustrophobia. Out or not, that most homosexuals will again wear masks at an upcoming Gay Pride (in the last week of June in Delhi and Bengaluru) is a statement about us as a society. Despite the greater visibility of homosexuality in the media, societal attitudes have hardly budged. For women who love women, the alarm factor is higher because they are ‘women’, the supposed repositories of honour and shame. No wonder that many who get ‘caught’ either run away from home or commit suicide to escape the trauma. Thirty-seven-year-old Sapna from Kolkata and her 36-year-old partner Nilima thought of ending their lives at the railways tracks but eventually eloped to Delhi 13 years ago. Sapna says, “I was 24 years old and Nilima was 23 when we ran away from home. If we stayed, our parents would have forced us into marriages. We met in college and before we knew it, we were in love. We found it strange but it felt so right. As we approached the end of our post-graduation, separation anxiety gripped us. Between marriage with men and death, we preferred the latter. One day I came across a full-page newspaper article about homosexuality. I read it and my jaw dropped. I realised then who we were. We contacted the gay organisation listed in it. They put us through to a lesbian in Delhi who offered help. Eloping was the only option.” In Delhi, the couple started their lives all over again. After years of struggle and loans from friends, the two have bought a house. Sapna is a senior trainer in an NGO while her partner is a photographer. Yet, this happily-ever-after story is an exception, not the norm. The fear of being harassed if people come to know is real and constant. Lesbians have been harassed, attacked and blackmailed; they have lost their jobs, housing rights and family property. But 33-year-old Lesley, an active member of the gay rights movement adds, “It is relatively easy for lesbians to hang out openly. It is not odd for two women to be together but our public areas are increasingly unsafe for gays. They get beaten up and are arrested. In this sense, gays are more vulnerable. Hijras are the most harassed.” Many transgender people face social exclusion pretty early in life. Maya from Sangini, a Delhi-based lesbian support group, describes the life of a transgender schoolgirl who hated wearing skirts. She would reach school very early, leave last. The girl developed a medical complication because she would never use the school toilet. Apparently, many transgender children drop out of school because they fail to conform to gender norms. That they may be good students becomes irrelevant when they are unable to smoothly adopt the right uniform. Twenty-six-year-old Sunil from Bengaluru identifies herself as ‘gender queer’ and recalls how as a child crossdresser, she was teased by school mates and neighbours and questioned by employers, till she ran away from her native place in Kerala six years ago. “People back home had started saying that I was a sex worker and was crossdressing only to hide my real identity. In Bengaluru, my landlord was particularly inquisitive when he noticed the incongruence between my male name, male attire and ‘female’ sexual identity on paper. What’s the problem if I do not dress as a woman? Do my values and my work not make me who I am?” POLITICALLY, THE FIGHT staged by India’s sexual minorities — against Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalises the homosexual act — shoots straight at the legitimacy of the heterosexual order. Maya Sharma, author of *Loving Women: Being Lesbian in Unprivileged India,* explains — “Each one of us has various identities. While we believe we are ‘this’, we are also conditioned to be ‘that’. Besides, people will make choices if they are available. Homosexual relations allow one to explore the myth of what is often called a ‘natural’ role or behaviour. It also proves that socialisation can also be rather limiting,” said Maya lives with her partner in Gujarat and is an activist among working- class homosexuals. ‘Between marriage with men and death, we preferred the latter,’ says Sapna. In Delhi, the couple started their lives all over again Firty-three-year-old Syeda is a working class Muslim lesbian with a Hindu partner. Both are grandmothers. Syeda says the film Fire helped her come out to her truck driver husband. “I was married when I was nine years old and delivered my first child at 16. If only I could articulate my desire then, I would never have married. Even as a little girl, I always liked the company of girls. I did not enjoy married life, and always had girlfriends. My first lesbian relationship — at age 20 — lasted nearly 19 years till we fell out.” To Syeda, the best part, ironically, is that she “can walk hand in hand with my partner in the market without raising any suspicion. If it was a man, I would have had to hide somewhere and tell a lot of lies. I feel free!” Syeda’s current partner is Rani, a woman who has been deserted by an abusive and violent husband. Rani was earlier with a Muslim butch lesbian who had walked out on her husband. Rani fondly describes her ex — “She would tie her dupatta like a turban on her head, and then ride a bicycle to drop her children — a boy and a girl — to school. She adored me a lot. I feel her absence even now.” India’s rich cultural traditions have encouraged women to develop and nurture deep female friendships. Rituals, songs and festivals are a living proof of this past. Different cultures have their respective terms for ‘lesbian’ — *humjinsi, sangini, hamsheera, babu* and so on. Abha Bhaiya, a single homosexual woman and one of the pioneers of the Indian women’s movement, explains, “There is nothing exotic about homosexuality. It is as old as the hills, and part of our heritage. The Chausath Yogini temple in Khajuraho worshipped the ‘yoni’ the female genitalia. The Ardhnareshwar, the deity that converges Shiva and Shakti, is one of the most powerful blows to gender.” Lesbians have been harassed, attacked and blackmailed; they have lost their jobs, housing rights and family property To reach out to homosexual women in rural areas, city-based groups have started outreach programmes. Humjinsi in Mumbai, Sahayatrika in Thiruvananthapuram, Sangama in Bengaluru, Sangini in Delhi and Sappho in Kolkata are some of them. Here is the story of one of the three couples who founded Sappho. Asha is a scientist with a government body and Malti holds a managerial position in a public sector undertaking. They have been together 16 years, have bought a house and also adopted a girl. Life is good except that if they are ‘outed’, they will lose their jobs. Like many others, they too were blackmailed by family and experienced emotional turmoil. Come June 28, many of these iconoclasts will be in Delhi to commemorate the day as the beginning of the gay movement after police raided a popular gay bar in New York. Lesley is excited and expects over 2,000 people. Maya and her partner will come from Gujarat. Syeda and Rani will walk with their friends. Sunil and her organisation are mobilising homosexuals from rural Karnataka to walk the Gay Pride in Bengaluru on the same date. Maybe it is time for us to understand that desire is a human construct, shaped by us. Just like homophobia. *From Tehelka Magazine, Vol 6, Issue 26, Dated July 04, 2009* Print this story<http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp#> Feedback<http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp#> Add to favorites<http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp#> Email this story<http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp#> Gunman shoots at cops during Sikh temple raids<http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/mainheadline.asp?id=1> By Thomas Hochwarter Read>><http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/mainheadline.asp?id=1> CBI Cracking Down On Corrupt Officials<http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/mainheadline.asp?id=2> By Shruti Chakraborty NCP attempts to ward off controversy <http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/mainheadline.asp?id=3> By Shruti Chakraborty A sorry from the Down Under<http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/mainheadline.asp?id=4> By Shruti Chakraborty More Stories>><http://www.tehelka.com/dotnet/allnews.asp> <http://www.tehelka.com/Interactive/> <http://www.rambhai.com/openx-2.6.2/www/delivery/ck.php?n=ac3ca205&cb=21121> <http://www.delhievents.com/> <http://tehelka.ganeshaspeaks.com/> About Us <http://www.tehelka.com/about/> | Who’s w...@tehelka<http://www.tehelka.com/about/team.asp>| Advertise With Us <http://www.tehelka.com/about/advertise.asp> | Print Subscriptions<http://www.tehelka.com/Subscribe/index.asp>| Syndication <http://www.tehelka.com/about/syndication.asp> | Terms of Service <http://www.tehelka.com/about/tos.asp> | Privacy Policy<http://www.tehelka.com/about/privacy.asp>| Feedback<http://www.tehelka.com/story_main42.asp?filename=hub040709quilts_of.asp#>| Contact Us <http://www.tehelka.com/about/contacts.asp> | Bouquets & Brickbats<http://www.tehelka.com/channels/People/people_main.asp> Tehelka.com is a part of Anant Media Pvt. 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