Rains, wadas, bears & twinks and issues that touch each of our lives ………….what
better to spend a monsoon evening that this! J
This go, the sunday meet at Mulund, involved a new approach.
Since we all do have some of our own doubts, issues, which are more often than
not common to all, all were asked to put their Qs on chits which would be
discussed.
With the 30+ guys scribbling and dropping as many issues this was one huge meet.
‘A’ took on the role of anchoring it and a mixture of fun, serious discussions,
bitchy comments and all things associated with the term gay (other than
….ahem,….. u know what) the meet lasted well until 9.
Some of the issues raised and the comments made by the group on these are given
below in random order – the comments posted are those made by the group and are
not necessarily right or wrong
Guys--- do correct and post on anything missed out.
1] If you see a guy you like, how do you know he is gay? (An eternal but
perennially useful one)
Ø Make friends first and talk to him
Ø Talk about films like Dostana and so on (thank you thank you karan for
this in addition to John’s butt :-d)
Ø Check if he looks at guys or girls when they pass by
Ø (and the best & most practical one I found) Watch a porn together :-D
Surprisingly for me, to a quick poll on how many of us look at a guy for the
first time and want to talk to him for a one niter first and then maybe the
rest, the minority raised their hands. Jai ho !
2]How do you know from meeting a guy that he may be infected with HIV/ HBV/
Other STDs? How can we know if it is safe to go ahead with the guy atleast for
sex?
Ø One cannot look at a person and know if he has an STD
Ø Some STDs may have symptoms of warts around the genitals and anus (but
not necessarily)
Ø There are diseases like Hepatitis B which spread through even kissing
Ø Converse with a guy a bit to have an idea if he is a cheat
Ø Mention some common names or friends both may be knowing
Ø It is unsafe to go to someones place or call the person home at the
first meet
Ø If you are too cautious you will never get anyone (ouch…but yeah….true?)
Ø Be comfortable with you sexual orientation first (did it mean it will
help one think more clearly :-?)
Ø While having sex do not use multiple condoms
Ø HIV can be transmitted through any cuts/ contacts of mucosa (which in
englis means semen/ blood normally)
Ø In case you have got into an unsafe act, see a doc within next 48 hrs to
start prevention therapy as this may help (from what I personally know, this
therapy, in addition to be time bound and costly, makes life a living hell for
the next one month it has to be done – better avoid the ‘uninhabited’ approach
and not have this as a backup)
Ø If you regularly donate blood, the blood banks will inform you in case
you have Hepatitis infection
Ø Govt hospitals do HIV testing free of cost. Humsafar has its unit
attached to sion hospital. Private clinics also test it for a decent cost, but
these do not offer any counseling in case of any issues.
3] Can a STD be transmitted through Oral Sex
Ø The chances of HIV infection through oral sex are less other than if the
person giving head has cuts/ bruises and ulcers in his mouth
Ø Flavoured condoms are easily available and do not taste bad as the
normal ones.
Ø Other diseases like gonorrhea ,etc can be passed through oral sex.
4] How do I know if I am top or bottom
Ø This is highly individual and depends on what each may like and fancy
with the other guy
Ø This liking may even change in people over period, time and person
involved with.
5] How do you hide a love bite?
Ø All cosmetic stores have concealers available with them. Keep a
concealer the shade of your skin (and kiss away to glory :-d)
.
6] What does one do if he has a crush on someone in his office
Ø It will jeopardize my position in the office
Ø It will be used to emotionally use one
Ø Divert your mind from the person and stick to not liking him (er…………how
:-?)
7] We should have a trained psychologist who can answer queries and issues
raised on the GB website
Ø There are medical professionals who regularly do write on the list and
reply to the queries.
Ø There are psychologists who reply to some issues either in public or
private replies for serious issues raised by the person.
(In addition one may tap on the community knowledge at the mailing site and he
will be guided to a friendly doc/counseller for sure by the group)
8]Is there a site where one can be safe from cheaters?
Ø Sadly no such site may exist –surely not free of cost for now.
Ø As it is easy to join up a site, there are bound to be chaff along with
the grains
Ø Look at guys he knows, common friends, chat and take a judgement
9]Why does one not get a BF, but get a one niter so easily?
( this can be an entire meet duration topic!)
10]Why don’t gay marriages last?
Ø No social pressure to keep them together
Ø Lack of children reduces the binding factors further
Ø Ego issues between 2 men
Ø That need not be true as gay men have a greater sense of empathy than
heterosexual men and are be more emotional --- this contributes very favourably
for 2 gay men to have a relation –either of love or frndship and needs to be
built on.
11]Why are gay men said to be westernized?
Ø Typical role models available to gay men are from western countries
today and hence it was been adopted by many.
Ø There are a lot more of desi (ishtyle) men seen as commonly who refuse
to follow the ‘westernised’ role pattern
12] Is the ruling on sec377 applicable to us? Will it be challenged?
Ø The ruling of the Delhi high court on 2nd July is applicable to all of
us.
(there was further discussion on the law, and why and how is it applicable to
us and shah bano case …. Ok I forgot it :P )
Ø The fact that government has specially not asked for a stay is a huge
positive
Ø The fact that the govt can get swayed by religion and vote politics is a
real danger
Ø There are some replies by Aditya Bandopadhyay (pl do not curse me for
the spells) on this front on the GB mailing list which should clarify the legal
position better along with articles by several others.
13] Do gay guys who are effeminate get as many guys as those who are not?
Ø Each gay has his own liking and there are many who prefer them as much
as there are many who prefer hunks.
Ø Its quite ok to be what you are – the guy who likes you will find you
(loved this J )
14]As a gay, what other than finding a partner, are more important things
Ø Find a social setup
Ø Have good friends around
Ø Why should I have different important things in life than what a hetero
has? I am normal.
Ø Secure the latter part of life
The discussion then moved on to something as important – the Friendship day
PICNIC.
The place was decided and majority seemed eager to join in as the place was not
very far, but still within one days travel distance.
Finally a big thanks to S, who played the host to the entire gang and allowed
us to have such a good time together.
Regards
Manoj.
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