Summer activities are for mamma's boys
Getting kids ready for a man's world, is what's important.
By Cecil Pinto
Frank Sinatra infamously sang, "My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my
case, of which I'm certain. I've lived a life that's full, I traveled each
and every highway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way"
"Violin lessons? Did you say violin? He's six years old for chrissake. He's
on holiday. He needs to be out there enjoying himself. Not in some stuffy
classroom. Holidays! Fun! Or don't you remember your childhood any more?
H-O-L-I-D-A-Y-S!!! What's he going to become - a famous violinist? How many
famous violinists do you know in Goa? You want him to end up being paid a
lousy hundred rupees at village ladainhas? When he grows up I will get him
an i-Pod and he can become a DJ or a One-Man-Band and earn the big money."
"And Sangeeta's sending Santosh for swimming lessons at a five-star hotel."
"Well good for her. Sangeeta is from Kerala. She does not have family in
the village like we do. We learnt swimming at the manos sluice gates. We
learnt diving by jumping in wells during San Joao."
"That's why you can't swim more than one length at the Campal Swimming pool
without the need for an oxygen cylinder. I learnt properly, and I want our
sons to be able to swim in the pool, sea and manos without looking like a
splattering spluttering excuse for a swimmer."
"But I'm faster than you and I can go out further into the sea than you
can. You may have learnt technique. We learnt survival! "
"Rushing into the sea, after to much too drink, and then panicking because
you are out of your depth doesn't count. I also want to know what's your
objection to that Summer Playschool? They've got such safe equipment and
the boys can learn climbing and swinging and..."
"Learn climbing and swinging on park equipment? Ever heard of trees? And
branches? Let them climb trees like we did. Let them fall and learn. Let
them skin and bruise their knees. A sanitised, supervised park environment
will teach him nothing. They need the real world!"
"Mmm.. what about computer classes? Manisha's is sending her daughter."
"What ever for? So they can play Solitaire on the computer like you do? Let
them play with real playing cards. Let them play donkey and pairs and
joker. They need to interact with other kids, not be in a virtual
environment. They need to learn that there is no Undo button in real life.
You give it your best every time, and live with the consequences."
"Janet's sending her kids for clay modeling and glass painting. What about
that?"
"See what I mean. If they went swimming at the manos, like we did, they
would know about chicol. That's real clay. Not that artificial stuff they
use in those classes. What's he going to do, make Ganesh idols. They've
shifted to plaster of Paris in case you didn't notice. Glass Painting?
What's that? Why would anyone want their glasses painted? They're glasses,
they're supposed to be transparent. You have to see through them. Janet
wants her kids to grow up into pansies with all this painting and modeling.
That's her problem."
"Priyanka's sending both her sons for those special math classes."
"Abacus fabacus. You think they needed an abacus to develop their self
confidence? Where did we get our self-confidence from? From memorising
multiplication tables!! And anyway they learn math in school."
"They will get Certificates at the end of their courses."
"Certificates? Of what use are those - please educate me? Will that get him
admission into a superior college? No way! For that you have to get a
Scheduled Caste Certificate. I want my son to be out there in the village
running around and chasing cows and hens and pigs, and making catys out of
tree branches and shooting birds and squirrels and chameleons with those
catapults. The animal activists can say what they want and put stray dogs
back on the roads - I don't care. I want him plucking wild boram and
learning on his own how to avoid getting poked by the thorns. I want him
climbing trees and plucking mangos and jamblam. I want him to be know which
bamboo will make the best fotass and which is right for koyno bal and which
is right for a fishing rod. I want him to learn how to bait a hook and know
by instinct the difference between a fish bite and a crab and a rock snag.
I want him to play football barefoot in the fields like we did."
"Ok! Ok! So I figure you're going to take care of the boys during these
summer holidays. That's great, I need a break - I can relax and catch up on
my TV serials."
"I want them to be street smart. I want them to be real men. I want them to
do things the way I did. I want things done my way! I want..... Whoaa!!!
What did you just say? You want me to look after the boys? Hello? I'm
organising the barbeque for you on Saturday. I don't have the time for
looking after the boys. By the way did you pick up the undercut from Jose?
Don't put so much salt when you marinate it. We need salad, not cabbage
like last time. Phone Sandra and ask her how she makes that great salad.
Did you pick up the charcoal and the drinks? Don't forget to get out the
good cutlery from the showcase and napkins.....
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The humour column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 18th May 2006.
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