AN EXAMPLARY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW Years back my post " sweet and sour mother in law "made some waves and one view that received best comments and attention In our custom and tradition there is perpetual antagonism between mother and daughter in law,either on the surface or in deep rooted apprehension of mistrust Fair enough, one condition that would be wives demand is a separate residence before or after marriage.Many a fierce battles are fought due to lack of ability to adjust in the new surroundings.The adjustment and pressures are tremendous for the new wives to suddenly, without reservations to accommodate a whole army of relatives from the husband sides and is often looked up with suspicion of plotting to win the husband away from his close relatives Such an exercise of fidelity cannot be achieved overnight as building of affectionate relations is time consuming.It is another matter that the wife has to suddenly lose all her own loved ones and friends,who were her life time companions..Anyway living separately right from start builds better relations and contributes to a blissful togetherness in the best years of life .Daughter in law is not a bonded servant, caretaker of elderly parents per se 'but responsibilty is cast on her not to abandon them or make their life a living hell. In the new house there is a lot of assistance she can expect in daily chores,, When the new ones arrive, and specially for a working wife,the wisdom, experience of mother in law can be a dependable source of comfort.Fleeting between homes is not taken kindly and accusations of divided loyalty are raised. Well overdepence on her parents breeds more antagonism and misunderstanding,but such dependency is no obligation and freely avaiable,Relying on external aid like servants is frought with with many ills but is the need of the hour There is a growing feeling that parents are exhausted with their own life responsibilities and cannot be expected to once again shoulder responsibilty of baby sitting and daily routine of bringing up grandchildren as a matter of duty.Good and healthy relations in the new settings add to memorable life of joy.The tug of War between mother in law and daughter in law is difficult task for the son to b e a fair, unbias refree all the time.The attempt to snatch him from imbliical chord is devastating for his mental health that will defineyely impinge on family life .Some resort to this conflict resolution by silence and non interference, letting the situations to find their level of compromise and understanding The physically dependent in laws have to be taken care of with love and not as a baggage ,burden, duty of marriage In an instant case the mother in-law is much more bonded, closer than perhaps her own daugjter. She trusted her intrinsically right from the beginning and avoided confrontational attitude for losing the affection of her son as before .The mother in law in turn was respected,and treated with dignity and love.The closeness and sharing in all matters enhanced their mutual trust and affection .The sharing of responsibilities of daily routine was not compartmentalized but there was perfect understanding of what needs to be attended.Daughter in law devoted her time , energy, resources for the welfare of inlaws that made their life enjoyable and thanked God for the choice to enhance the family fortunes of togetherness .She adopted the family as her own and was indeed trusted admired for attempts to keep family united with bridges of warm and cordial relations. It was an unique mother and daughter relation . She provided the best of care at crucial times and inspite of her own personal health concerns.An praise worthy concern was not to ve away from her long or take vacations because she would long for her companionship and fondly miss the physical and emotional absence The best that was needed to be done was accomplished when she lived and was alive. HER birthdays were always a well planned, festive occasions that she enjoyed the adulations of grand celebrations and focus on her with spiritual trappings too. The close family affair always added the flavour of affection and love and she looked forward with joyful expectations. The simplicity, honesty,humility strong faith, implicit trust were added factors of adjustable, long lasting bonds During the final years the attachment was like a fevicol bond ,lasting and strong to snap away The daughter in law believed that praises should not be reserved for theinscription on the tombstone.There is absolutely no resentment of ever withholding the best to have been done and no wonder the medicine formula for long,happy, healthy life of 97 years was God's grace and wonderful daughter in law, her proud asset and to whom she attributed her gratitude and obligations of new relation When daughter in law embraces inlaws as her own and treats them with honour and dignity daughter in law assumes the role of Queen in the family that unites and bonds with no conflicts and hiccups of adjustments and accommodation of understanding A job well done that needs a salute from society for cementing daughter in law and mother in law relations
Nelson Lopes CHINCHINIM 9850926276