Birthday Remebrance Afra Adelina Alemao Lopes 28/6/1924. 8/11/2005
MY MOTHER , MY HERO Mrs. Afra Adelina Alemao d/o Mr. Nepomoceano Pascoal Alemao & Mrs .Remetina Da Slva was born on 28-6-1924, and passed away on 8-11-2005. Her Godfather Mr.Mauricio Fugencio Lopes e Mrs.Candelina Lopes .Married to Mr,Inacio Francisco Lopes s/o Mrs, Santana Lopes, e Mrs Idalina Fernandes on 23/ February 1943. He was born on 26-3-1906 and breathed his last 01-02-1984 Mother was the third daughter among other three. They had a comfortable life, unfortunately her mother was alcoholic and her death disrupted the family life. The girls had to abandon school to take responsibility of the house. My mother was intelligent lady but could not complete her formal education however much she desired .All the girls were settled in life and it is noteworthy that none of them were ever addicted to alcohol in life .They had learnt their lessons Mother was a smart, shrewd and determined soul. She was well calculated and steered the house well. She agreed to look after, care for my Uncle, who was partially paralyzed, He was a great source of comfort and encouragement and guided her. She had to fight constant, fierce battles, both overt and covert with the neighbors possibly due to jealousy, as I do not remember, to date a conceivable reason The hypocritical neighbor pretended to console and her sisters never came to her rescue. She was alone, single handedly taking on the offensive with courage. I used to watch helplessly as a young child, physical and verbal attacks , with burning fire and which bitter memories still persist .Mother used to advise not to harbor enmity, get involve led or nurse ill feelings, but to maintain friendly ties. The ancestral house was orally gifted to her in marriage. She spend considerable amount in repairs, which was paid on demand later,. As they wanted to get married her youngest sister, they tried to force her to leave or buy the house and this issue must have likely aggravated the harassment She was in position to buy outright, as she had the means, But since she was sandwiched between hostile neighbors, she decided otherwise also under the sane advise of my uncle, Uncle forcibly gifted his share of property by official will. Dad left all decisions to her wisdom. None of her sisters showed any sympathy or considerations, though she was generous towards all and had no ill will towards any one of them. To the end of her life, she embraced all of them and their families with the affection of love, generosity, never ever raking out the past bitterness. I recount the unpleasant, uncharitable incidents inflicted on her , which she related to me about treacherous acts of her siblings, which shall not open the wounds of pain afresh I too have moved on without the past baggage. Of hurt feelings She informed them of her leaving the place, but needed time .She meticulously planned for a new habitat and never claimed any share as a matter of rights One day, much; after as I broached up the issue, she said I wanted you away from this hell .She was right as I see it day It was not an easy decision with dad and his job She collected and saved form her farm lab our, sale of extra paddy, and income from livestock She also used to cultivate chilies ,vegetables, onions, water melons, She travelled distances to collect foliage, rice cuttings, cow dung cakes etc Cooking was not her favourite pastime, but festive occasions were fun . Our education expenses had to be configured too. She took loans on ornaments and some relatives with interests. In spite of regular payment and also gifts in kinds, the torture for regular payments was excruciating tensions. When we finally moved in there was much to be done and lived only in part of the back house , The pressure of debts badly impinged on her mental health, but she was determined to tide over for the benefit of the family and she did admirably She has no help from dad`s side, in fact denied any financial balance in deposit and safety, Dad was shocked beyond words as he had sincerely trusted in the honesty of his near one, Mother gradually provided all the amenities needed or the house She had great wish for my educational advancement She shifted me to St Anthonys Duler, and then to Guardian Angel Savored and then to Bombay at St Xaviers College I did excel in studies and she was proud when I graduated. Her vision for my development then was truly admirable. I owe my present status to her goals. It was enormous sacrifice as half of Dad `s income was spent on my studies in Bombay. She never discouraged my sisters from acquiring education, but they did not have that burning desire. God averted a tragedy in the family when the loft with firewood came crashing down. It was a divine miracle that saved her , otherwise our family would have been totally ruined, as dad at best was only provider of expenses. The Younger sister was born in the new residence and was afflicted with illness, She had to travel to Bombay for her treatment. I do not remember how we managed, nor have even the faintest memories in her absence Even though she paid her board with her relative, her stay was miserable. My older sister was a great help to her in her growing years. I do not recollect why I was harsh and abusive with her, but I made up in ample measures this guilt feelings in my adult life. No matter what she said or complained, I was always on the forgiving and understanding side She unfailing celebrated my birthday on 25 Dec of every year When started service, my first and foremost intention was to reduce her hard work and gradually stop cultivating the fields ,, As the age advanced the nature of field work in rains etc was taking a toll of her health, She loved it and dissuading her was a task .She would not give up the addiction to Tabaco, which ultimately proved costly for her health No medical intervention was possible or desirable as she slowly started sinking peacefully till the last breath My sister had a proposal for marriage. I was still studying and a marriage expenses were unbearable She used her gold possession and also assured on dad`s retirement she would compensate The condition set was that my sister would continue to stay with us till they have a home of their own .Mother took great care of grandchildren till about ten years and even learnt to rear a cow, milk and make provision for fodder It was totally a new experience for her Then came my marriage, She was very happy and lovingly cared for my children They were attached to her and very fond of her company, Our living standard and finances improved considerably as life became more comfortable The marriage of youngest sister went off without hassles; The retirement benefits of dad and her remaining gold came in very handy for the occasion. She shunted between all three of us as and when she wanted for rest and vacation. She had her own views and preferences, Her life and ours have changed from the past by yards and miles When my son was born after three daughters and after a long gap, her joy knew no bounds She made no differences between all her grandchildren I am proud to say that she was equidistant from all of them, no favours, no bias, no preferences My mother deserves my salute of honour . A determined, courageous, shrewd and intelligent lady, who weathered all storms of family upbringing residence and finances to guide us to the safe harbor of prosperity. Her efforts are worthy of being written in gold. Sometimes in my rudeness, behavior I could hurt her but offence, disrespect never intended. How our own children show gratitude is a matter best avoided, The duty of every parent towards their children is bounded duty, responsibility ordained by sacrament of marriage and is no favour for return obligation In the twilight years of my eventful, satisfied ,purposeful life both in my profession and marriage, the pride of place occupied y the Queen of my life. Her patience, understanding, foresight, spirituality, wisdom, accommodation has battered many a family, personal storms. She is the best that could have happened to me in particular our family and continues to be guiding light, for those of us who want to tread cautiously and safely through obstacles of life journey with GOD as focus .My mother had reserved the best place for her in her appreciation My mother will always remain my hero ,a motivator, a inspirer and a living example Nelson Lopes Chinchinim 25-4-2020 Sent from my iPhone
