Birthday Remebrance
Afra Adelina Alemao Lopes
28/6/1924.  8/11/2005

MY MOTHER , MY HERO

Mrs. Afra Adelina Alemao  d/o Mr. Nepomoceano  Pascoal Alemao & Mrs  .Remetina 
Da Slva was born on 28-6-1924,  and passed away on 8-11-2005. Her Godfather 
Mr.Mauricio Fugencio Lopes e Mrs.Candelina Lopes .Married to Mr,Inacio 
Francisco Lopes s/o Mrs, Santana Lopes, e Mrs Idalina Fernandes  on 23/ 
February 1943. He was born on 26-3-1906 and breathed his last 01-02-1984

Mother was the third daughter among other three. They had a comfortable life, 
unfortunately her mother was alcoholic and her death disrupted the family life. 
The girls had to abandon school to take responsibility of the house. My mother 
was intelligent lady but could not complete her formal education however much 
she desired .All the girls were settled in life and it is noteworthy that none 
of them were ever addicted to alcohol in life .They had learnt their lessons

Mother was a smart, shrewd and determined soul. She was well calculated and 
steered the house well. She agreed to look after, care for my Uncle, who was 
partially paralyzed, He was a great source of comfort and encouragement and 
guided her. She had to fight constant, fierce battles, both overt and covert 
with the neighbors possibly due to jealousy, as I do not remember, to date a 
conceivable reason The hypocritical neighbor pretended to console and her 
sisters never came to her rescue. She was alone, single handedly taking on the 
offensive with courage. I used to watch helplessly as a young child, physical 
and verbal attacks , with burning fire and which bitter memories still persist 
.Mother used to advise not to harbor enmity, get involve led or  nurse ill 
feelings, but to maintain friendly ties. The ancestral house was orally gifted 
to her in marriage. She spend considerable amount in repairs, which was paid on 
demand later,. As they wanted to get married her youngest sister, they tried to 
force her to leave or buy the house and this issue must have likely aggravated 
the harassment She was in position to buy outright, as she had the means, But 
since she was sandwiched between hostile neighbors, she decided otherwise also 
under the sane advise of my uncle, Uncle forcibly gifted his share of property 
by official will. Dad left all decisions to her wisdom. None of her sisters 
showed any sympathy or considerations, though she was generous towards all and 
had no ill will towards any one of them.  To the end of her life, she embraced 
all of them and their families with the affection of love, generosity, never 
ever raking out the past bitterness. I recount the unpleasant, uncharitable 
incidents inflicted on her  , which she related to  me about treacherous acts 
of her siblings, which shall not open the wounds of pain afresh I too have 
moved on without the  past baggage. Of hurt feelings She informed them of her 
leaving the place, but needed time .She meticulously planned for a new habitat 
and never claimed any share as a matter of rights One day, much; after as I 
broached up the issue, she said I wanted you away from this hell .She was right 
as I see it day

It was not an easy decision with dad and his job She collected and saved form 
her farm lab our, sale of extra paddy, and income from livestock  She also used 
to cultivate chilies ,vegetables, onions, water melons, She travelled distances 
to collect foliage,  rice cuttings, cow dung cakes etc Cooking was not her 
favourite pastime, but festive occasions were fun . Our  education  expenses 
had to be configured too. She took loans on ornaments and some relatives with 
interests. In spite of regular payment and also gifts in kinds, the torture for 
regular payments was excruciating tensions. When we finally moved in there was 
much to be done and lived only in part of the back house , The pressure of 
debts badly impinged  on her mental health, but she was determined to tide over 
for the benefit of the family and she did admirably She has no help from dad`s 
side, in fact denied any financial balance in deposit and safety, Dad was 
shocked beyond words as he had sincerely trusted in the honesty of his near 
one, Mother gradually provided all  the amenities needed or the house She had 
great wish for my educational advancement She shifted me to St Anthonys Duler, 
and then to Guardian Angel Savored and then to Bombay at St Xaviers College I 
did excel in studies and she was proud when I graduated. Her vision for my 
development  then was truly admirable. I owe my present status to her goals. It 
was enormous sacrifice as half of Dad `s income was spent on my studies in 
Bombay. She never discouraged my sisters from acquiring education, but they did 
not have that burning desire. God averted a tragedy in the family when the loft 
with firewood came crashing down. It was a divine miracle that saved her , 
otherwise our family would have  been totally  ruined, as  dad at best was only 
provider of expenses. The Younger sister was born in the new residence and was 
afflicted with illness, She had to travel to Bombay for her treatment. I do not 
remember how we managed, nor have even the faintest memories in her absence 
Even though she paid her board with her relative, her stay was miserable. My 
older sister was a great help to her in her growing years. I do not recollect 
why I was harsh and abusive with her,  but  I made up in ample measures this 
guilt feelings in  my adult life. No matter what she said or complained, I was 
always on the forgiving and understanding side She unfailing celebrated my 
birthday on 25 Dec of every year

When started service, my first and foremost intention was to reduce her hard 
work and gradually stop cultivating the fields ,, As the age advanced the 
nature of field work in rains etc was taking a toll of her health, She loved it 
and dissuading her was a task .She would not give up the addiction to Tabaco, 
which ultimately proved costly for her health No medical intervention was 
possible or desirable as she slowly started sinking peacefully  till the last 
breath

My sister had a proposal for marriage. I was still studying and a marriage 
expenses were unbearable She used her gold possession and also assured on dad`s 
retirement she would compensate The condition set was that my sister would 
continue to stay with us till they have a home of their own .Mother took great 
care of grandchildren till about ten years and even learnt to rear a cow, milk 
and make provision for fodder It was totally a new experience for her Then came 
my marriage, She was very happy and lovingly cared for my children They were 
attached to her and very fond of her company, Our living standard and finances 
improved considerably as life became more comfortable The marriage of youngest 
sister went off without  hassles; The retirement benefits of dad and her 
remaining gold came in very handy for the occasion.  She shunted between all 
three of us as and when she wanted for rest and vacation. She had her own views 
and preferences, Her life and ours have changed from the past by yards and miles

When my son was born after three daughters and after a long gap, her joy knew 
no bounds

She made no differences between all her grandchildren  I am proud to say that 
she was equidistant from all of them, no favours, no bias, no preferences

My mother deserves my salute of honour . A determined, courageous, shrewd and 
intelligent lady, who weathered all storms of family upbringing residence and 
finances to guide us to the safe harbor of prosperity. Her efforts are worthy 
of being written in gold.  Sometimes in my rudeness, behavior I could hurt her 
but offence, disrespect never intended. How our own children show gratitude is 
a matter best avoided, The duty of every parent towards their children is 
bounded duty, responsibility ordained by sacrament of marriage and is no favour 
for return obligation

In the twilight years of my eventful, satisfied ,purposeful life both in my 
profession and marriage, the pride of place  occupied y the Queen of my life. 
Her patience, understanding, foresight, spirituality, wisdom, accommodation has 
battered many a family, personal storms. She is the best that could have 
happened to me in particular our family and continues to be guiding light, for 
those of us  who want to tread cautiously and safely through obstacles of life 
journey with GOD as focus .My mother had reserved the best place for her in her 
appreciation

My mother will always remain my hero ,a motivator, a inspirer and a living 
example

 

Nelson Lopes Chinchinim

25-4-2020
Sent from my iPhone

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