Swimsuits for Goan lifeguards Compromising is the name of the game By Cecil Pinto
A five-member delegation has been selected for a tour of the major beaches of the world. The purpose of the tour is to study different female lifeguard attire in other countries and choose and adapt one that will be most suitable for the women lifeguards that the Goa Government plans to recruit. In a hastily called press conference Chairperson of Goa Tourism Development Corporation, Fatima D'Sa, presented the members of the delegation to the press. On the dais with Fatima were Wendell Rodricks, Cecil Pinto, Ethel Da Costa and Vithaldas Naik. Journalist #1: "Why Wendell Rodricks?" Fatima: "Wendell is by far Goa's most famous designer. He has always cooperated with the Government and never charged for his services, even when he redesigned the police uniforms." Journalist #2: "But the blue and white police uniforms were finally discarded and we reverted to khaki." Fatima: "That was not because of design reasons. White requires regular and thorough washing whereas khaki does not show dirt that easily. You all know how much dirty work the policemen have to do for us politicians." Ethel: "Why Chowgu ? I mean why Cecil?" Cecil: "Hello!? We're supposed to be together on this! Will you shut your " Ethel: "What qualifies Cecil to be in this delegation?" Cecil: "I've watched every episode of Baywatch and Bikini Beach Destinations. I watch beachwear modeling on Trends TV and FTV. I have visted every website featuring bikini babes. I have been studying swimwear, specially in Goa, since 1984. I have ." Journalist #3: "Ok! Ok! Why Ethel? How is she qualified?" Cecil: "Yes! She's a journalist, columnist, lifestyle reporter, event manager, public relations " Ethel: "Not to forget model and singer!" Journalist #3: "Exactly! How does all this qualify her to decide which swimsuit is appropriate for Goan female lifeguards?" Fatima: "Very simple. We included her so she would not criticize the study tour. Always works. It's a unique method we developed have to curb criticism of Government decisions. Just absorb the loudest critics into the system and then they can't be critical any more!" Cecil: "After Ethel who?" Wendell: "You mean once Ethel retires from public life who will be able to fill her footsteps?" Cecil: "No! No! What I meant is who is that fellow who is sitting after Ethel? He's gone off-stage to talk to someone." Fatima: "That is Vithaldas Naik. He has put many self-advertisements in the newspapers making it appear everyone is wishing him on his birthday. He's probably angling for a party ticket for the elections. Sending him with this delegation shows we respect his position and ambition, but no way will he get anything bigger than a Zilla Parishad seat." Journalist #1: "How come no MLAs or Chairpersons are going this time? It's a nice opportunity to spend tax payers' money for private holidays." Fatima: "Elections are around the corner. The situation is dicey. Nobody's going out of the country. You know how things change here suddenly. You could come back to find you are out and your party has changed colours. These are crucial times." Journalist #2: "But you mentioned a five-member delegation. These are only four people?" Fatima: "Ah yes! We are sending one member to represent the Women's Groups. The Bailancho Saad, Bailancho Ekvott etc have to get together and send us a consensus candidate. They can't manage so far because they hate each others' guts. They have gone to the extent of appointing a male candidate, a husband of one of the leaders. Their reasoning is that if male politicians can place their wives as stooges on their behalf then women NGO leaders should be allowed the same privilege" Journalist #1: "But why a representative of women's groups?" Fatima: "That is to provide a moral watch-dog so the swimming costume selected meets our Goan decency standards and does not expose too much" Wendell: "Are you bothered about exposing a little skin or about efficiency in swimming and saving lives?" Ethel: "I think that a T-shirt and shorts would be a fashion statement and quite acceptable." Cecil: "Stop being hypocritical. Go to an average disco and there's more flesh on display than a one piece swimsuit shows." Wendell: "I think we should use red and white checks to symbolize the clothing of the Kunbi women. The original inhabitants of Goa." Cecil: "Yes. And the male lifeguards can wear kashtis!" Ethel: "I thought we were only to decide on female outfits?" Cecil: "So basically are we looking at one-piece-suits, bikinis or thongs?" Wendell: "There's lots of variations. The bottom can end in a V-shape or like shorts or with an additional skirt on top. We can have sleeves or bare shoulders. The tops can be a tank tops, stringbodys, halter-necks, maillots, plunge fronts...The basic objective is that the material must not become transparent when wet and it should be optimized for modesty and efficiency." Ethel: "We're talking Lycra for sure!" Cecil: "Actually Spandex my dear." Fatima: "Actually I was thinking more in terms of a shalwar kameez?" Wendell: "Whaaaaaaaat???!!!" Fatima: "Or maybe a short sari or kapodd. You know something very modest." Cecil: "Whaaaaaaaat???!!!" Wendell: "I'm out of here! Coming Cecil?" Cecil: "I'm quitting too! Coming Vithaldas?" Vithaldas: "Sure let's go. I will try my luck as an independent candidate rather than deal with these people. Coming Ethel?" Ethel: "Hold on guys. We can work things out. I mean you have to compromise if you're working with the government. Give in a little, take a little " -------- The humour column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 5th October 2006 ==== _______________________________________________ Goanet mailing list Goanet@lists.goanet.org http://lists.goanet.org/listinfo.cgi/goanet-goanet.org