The information is unavailable to the common man By Cecil Pinto
I write this at 5 am on Saturday, 29th November 2008, because I woke up with tears in my eyes and could not get back to sleep. I was crying for Boris do Rego. I do not know Boris do Rego personally. I hear he was a polite, well behaved, respectful young man, poised no doubt for great achievements in the culinary field like his father. I do not personally know his father the legendary Chef Urbano do Rego. My wife Beatrice's family is from Divar and so I have seen him in passing. I hear that he is a kind and helpful man and has often used his position and contacts to help his fellow villagers. Everyone speaks well of the family. I am reluctant to go for Boris' funeral although I feel compelled. What will I say to his grieving family? Can I say, "I know how you feel?" That would be a lie - no? Have I lost a child to an early death? Yes. Have I lost a brother to an early death? Yes. But still my grief cannot be equal to theirs. Nobody's grief can. Not only is everybody's grief without equal, our mechanisms for coping with them are also unique. The brother who is silently and methodically supervising the funeral arrangements is grieving as much as the mother who is wailing loudly at the side of the coffin. Let us not be judgmental and decide which is the 'superior' expression of grief. Not only that, keep in mind that each of us have our own defense mechanisms that decide how and when the grief hits. The uncle who seemingly coldheartedly enquires why such a large Death Announcement was necessary is grieving as much as the aunt who falls down to the floor convulsed in fits. We do whatever we have to do - to cope. On GoaNet an Internet Discussion Group of which I am a member, one poster wrote in yesterday, "It has been more than 24 hours since terror began in Mumbai, and is still continuing. It is time for all Goans, irrespective of religion, to get united and condemn these terrorist acts. It is surprising to me that I have not seen yet a single email from GoaNet readers condemning these terrorist acts. Today it is Mumbai, tomorrow it will be Goa." While the last sentence is chillingly frightening, and the first part is undoubtedly required, I would like to question the indignant questioning of lack of response. Would sending in a condemning e-mail mean that person cares more than someone who didn't send an e-mail? Would attending a funeral or sending flowers express greater grief? Would forwarding a chain SMS, questioning the atrocity, be more from the heart? We all have our ways of responding. Who is to say which is the better response? It is still early morning. The sounds of me at my keyboard has woken up Beatrice. She understands why I would grieve so deeply for someone I have never known. She knows also that I grieve for all the innocents who became the victims in this terrorist attack. She knows me well enough by now. Beatrice suggests that we go to Old Goa for the 6 am mass. Initially I am aghast. I don't even go for regular Sunday Mass, leave alone at such unearthly hours. And we would have to wake up our young sons and drag them along. Strangely enough my normally reluctant boys wake up instantly and enthusiastically and take this early mass as an adventure. Thank God for that. Its 5.45 am. We are about to leave for an outdoor mass at the Basilica of Bom Jesus at Old Goa. We will dedicate the mass for the soul of Boris do Rego. We will pray that his shattered family will find ways to cope with their grief. My eight year old Desmond, despite all the excitement of this early morning adventure, somehow senses that this is special and not about just the death of one person. We have tried to explain to him, as best we can, about terrorism and innocent victims. Desmond agrees this time to pray for all the victims and their families and not for the Transformer Toys that were top of his agenda. God will surely listen to those prayers. Before we leave the house I think of the lyrics of the song Slip Slidin' Away by Simon & Garafunkel. These lyrics come to my mind whenever a young person dies in such absurd circumstances. "God only knows God makes his plan The information is unavailable To the mortal man" We respond, grieve and cope in different ways. My wife when in grief turns to God. I write. Somebody else holds a candlelight vigil or forwards an SMS or drinks himself silly. God only knows what is right and what is wrong. He has his plans. We are just mortal men. Time to leave for Holy Mass. ----------- >From the O Heraldo (Goa) dated 30th November 2008 http://www.oheraldo.in/pagedetails.asp?nid=13327&cid=26 =====
