The other day a friend of mine used the F-word and a linguist chided him and said: Don't use the F-word! For me it was a Zen experience; for in that moment I became aware of how far he was behind the times. The F-word is no longer the F-word.
All things change, the French never tire of reminding us, except change itself. So, I said to my friend's critic: Sir, you are mistaken. The newest F-word is not what you think it is: the newest, is fish! No Goan has ever been awakened so rudely until a couple of weeks ago from his slumber in the middle of the night; yes, it is the recent fomalin fish scare that has broken to pieces the famous Goan spirit: Goans are having sleepless nights! People nowadays have nightmares of all kinds of fish - big and small - purple and blackish, and other colors, too. They wake up at night in a cold sweat, cussing and cursing and screaming the latest F-word: fish! And then, suddenly, sitting on a cloud of coal dust appears Dr Joe D'Sousa, a professor and retired Head of the Department of Microbiology of the National Institute of Oceanography (NIO). He speaks the language of science, and is an expert in the field. He says the Goa FDA cannot detect formalin which occurs naturally in the body of fish as they do not have the necessary sophisticated equipment to detect it. He says what they have detected is fomalin which does not naturally occur in fish. In other words, it has been added to the fish. That is an expert's opinion. As the clock strikes eerily at midnight, a lakh and more people awaken and scream in unison in their sleep: We, the people of Goa, cannot allow the import of fish and the control of fish and the distribution of fish by the same people who have been poisoning our parents and siblings and Goan friends and others who live or holiday in Goa (for how long this has been going on is anybody's guess!) These wicked people should not be allowed to bring any more fish into Goa. This is the price the people who have been poisoning Goans, and others in Goa, have to pay for their fomalin fishy business! No more fish from outside Goa, and no more exports. Hotels and restaurants which serve fish to tourists and others can, in future, be assured of fresh and healthy fish caught by Goans in Goa. Come to Goa everyone to eat fresh and safe fish caught and sold by Goans. Help stabilize the Goan economy, and Goans in return will help you visitors enjoy fresh, safe, and cheaper fish. An international tourism philosophy of give-and-take and interdependence. With safe fish the tourism and fishing industries will boom and boom. We need to make public how we refuse to accept fish from outside Goa, no more fishy fish business. Goans at present are in doubt and wondering if Goa's Chief Minister Manohar Parrikar who is being treated for cancer is going to become our state's iconic victim of fomalin poisoning? Did he get cancer from eating fomalin-friendly fish? How many otters have died of cancer because of fomalin? A lot of questions are waiting to be asked and it is not even Question Hour. While Sudin Dhavalikar is famously afraid of the bikini the majority of Goans are fixated on the four letter F-word, fish. It has become an issue involving the public and several government departments; mostly, the Health Department, physical and mental. I'm told in the Middle East and other Muslim countries the worst insult you can lay on a man is to call him a dog. But, in Goa, our culture is different as we are a unique blend of East and West - Portuguese and Indian. People from all over the world, and Indians from ll over the country also visit Goa to enjoy this rich cultural cocktail, and even get drunk on it at times. I have heard a few of my friends insult each other in this way: You are a fish! Great humor and irony must have a cultural and social context, and so no Goan needs an explanation to understand the lethal nature of the insult. With the formalin scare spreading ominously its wings similar to an Edgar Allen Poe horror story even foreigners in Goa are getting a necessary re-education regarding the F-word. Languages, as we know, change and words take on new meanings and usage; to make use of a cliche, the world is now a global village and neighborhood, and our neighbor could be someone from anywhere in the world. Linguists don't need to tell us the obvious or give us a language lesson. Linguists, in my opinion, are people who waste our time teaching us what we already know! And, they never stop. If ever a linguist wastes my time, I know what to say to him: You are a fish!