Now, we are having the mostest, greatestest of discussions on what terminology is bestestest for the first piece of metal tubing that you so carefully make the wrenchings of your mouthpiece into before you have commencements of playing, so, if I am making right these readings, some folks are having confusions as well as convulsions, perhaps, about the difference between a lead pipe and a leadpipe as well as throwing in other terms from far-away lands such as mouthpipe, mundrohr and leaderpipe, so, now, since I have many experiences, both good and bad, on the subject, I will make the explainings of such and clarifications will have followings, I'm sure, so, LEAD PIPE: a heavy cylindrical tube made from lead used for plumbing in antic days now considered obsolete and replaced by plastics and copper, and, LEADPIPE: the first length of tapered tubing on a horn usually (but not on all models) connecting the mouthpiece with the main tuning slide and also called the mundrohr, mouthpipe and leaderpipe and TTBOMK not made from lead, ever, but usually made from copper alloy or even sterling silver, and in my illustrious career I have the foundings made that it is the mostestest of handies and has the greatestest of conveniences for any horn player to own both of these and to continue, in fact, I have owned and made usings of many, for instance a LEAD PIPE is an essential accessory and once, my sixth valve stuck and I was unable to put the conductor to flight by using my second bell but fortunately, I grabbed my LEAD PIPE, made a quick jump from my chair and ran towards the podium waving it in the air and boy, you should have seen the look of terror on the #$%&*'s face as he took off like a scared rabbit and I have also used a LEAD PIPE to get the "woodwinds from hell" to play in tune (well, almost) and I always carry it to my meeting with the manager when I ask for a raise and you should always take it with you on tour because it is also handy if you are walking in Central Park at 3:00 AM and you don't need a permit or a background check to carry a LEAD PIPE, even concealed, and you can ship it easily, without fear of damage, in your luggage under the plane, now, LEADPIPES are also very handy and I don't have the the knowings of any horn player who can play half-decently without one on their horn and sometimes you can change one and improve the instrument and sometimes not and my student, Kenny B., used a piece of one very effectively as a baton when conducting at the Rochester IHS workshop some years back and to make some conclusions here and now, I have the thinkings that all of the above mentioned names for that piece of plumbing on a horn should be abandoned in order to clear this up once and for alls so I am thinking we should call it the "intake clamifold." Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Clarifyings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, "The Phantom Lane Changers" (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, "The Kopprasch Connection," "Kopprasch for Fun and Profit," "Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In?" "Hooked on Hornonics," "What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn?" and "The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son?" Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, "The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory" Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line only, no cell Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes, but only check it once a year Web Site: sort of "Help stop Global Clamming: Increase your Kopprasch emissions in 2008!!!"
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