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> >These are stories from help desks around the country
> >---------------------------------------- > > > >Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open > >Desktop." > > > >Customer: "Ok." > > > >Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" > > > >Customer: "No." > > > >Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop- > >up menu?" > > > >Customer: "No." > > > >Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have > >done up until this point?" > > > >Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I > >wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller > >on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what > >had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling > >when I got back to the call.) > > > >Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?" > > > >Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?" > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to > >install the batteries in her laptop. When told that > >the directions were on the first page of the manual > >the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this > >damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book." > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >Customer: "I received the software update you sent, > >but I am still getting the same error message." > > > >Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" > > > >Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get > >it to work?" > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." > > > >Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." > > > >Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." > > > >Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what > >it says." > > > >Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery > >disk'." > > > >Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." > > > >Customer: "What?" > > > >Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" > > > >Customer "No..." > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the > >screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" > > > >Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC." > > > >Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?" > > > >Customer: "I can't open the box." > > > >Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the > >box closed and go from there." > > > >Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...." > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. > >I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', > >all it says is 'Bad command or file name'." > > > >Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive- > >go to A:> \ and type 'dir'." Customer reads off a > >list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'. > > > >Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. > >Type 'INSTALL' again." > > > >Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or > >file name'." > > > >Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct > >place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're > >typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?" > > > >Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, > >still 'Bad command or file name'." > > > >Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're > >typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?" > > > >Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, > >so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter? > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >At our company we have asset numbers on the front of > >everything. They give the location, name, and everything > >else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or > >using the number beneath the bars. > > > >Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network." > > > >Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so > >we can open an outage." > > > >Customer: "What is that?" > > > >Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your > >computer." > > > >Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar > >. . ." > > > >---------------------------------------- > > > >And the best for last!!!! > > > >Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this > >install disk, and now my A: drive won't work." > > > >Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?" > > > >Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, > >it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all." > > > >Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind > >of error messages did you get?" > > > >Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk > >got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got > >these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work > >either." > > > >Tech Support: "You did what sir?" > > > >Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the > >disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking > >the plastic stuff a bit." > > > >Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push > >the eject button?" > > > >Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted > >it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the > >drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then > >I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe > >you would send me a disk that was broke and defective." > > > >Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted > >butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the > >disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker > >phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in. > > > >Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, > >can you repeat what you just said?" > > > >Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get > >your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull > >it out." > > > >Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that > >was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you > >know, the thing called the disk eject button?" Silence. > > > >Tech Support: "Sir?" > > > >Customer: "Yes." > > > >Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?" > > > >Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, > >or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?" > > > >Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going > >to sue our> company because you put the disk in the > >A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, > >didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult > >your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, > >instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and > >physically rip the disk out?" > > > >Customer: "Ummmm." > > > >Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, > >since we do record every call and have it on tape?" > > > >Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed > >to help!" |
BEGIN:VCARD VERSION:2.1 N:Terziev;Ivan;Nikolaev FN:Ivan Nikolaev Terziev NICKNAME:Vozd ORG:EngView Systems Sofia Corp. - a Sirma Group company;Research & Development TITLE:Technical Writer TEL;WORK;VOICE:(+359) 2 9810018-131/134 TEL;CELL;VOICE:+359 87 968439 ADR;WORK:;;60 Solunska Str., Apt. 8;Sofia;;;Bulgaria LABEL;WORK;ENCODING=QUOTED-PRINTABLE:60 Solunska Str., Apt. 8=0D=0ASofia=0D=0ABulgaria ADR;HOME:;;;Sofia;;;Bulgaria LABEL;HOME;ENCODING=QUOTED-PRINTABLE:Sofia=0D=0ABulgaria X-WAB-GENDER:2 URL;WORK:http://www.engview.com; http://www.sirma.bg EMAIL;PREF;INTERNET:[EMAIL PROTECTED] EMAIL;INTERNET:[EMAIL PROTECTED] REV:20020417T091755Z END:VCARD
