He moulded me instead - by Sue Henly ==========================================
I just had my 25th wedding anniversary. What an accomplishment. I've only contemplated divorce about 1 million times over the last 25 years, so you can imagine my surprise over reaching this milestone. I have been complaining about this man for about 9,125 days....give or take a few days. My life is not how I envisioned it. Every major fight we've ever had has been over money. How you fight about something you don't have is beyond me. There was also the big fight over the candle light dinner I fixed.......it seems he wants to see what he eats! He has seldom paid me a compliment. He rarely buys me presents. He won't learn how to massage my back. He won't wear shorts or swim trunks. We have only been on one family vacation in 25 years. He has never disciplined our girls, thus leaving me as the repeated bad guy! He refuses to go grocery shopping and continues to sneak and smoke after a bilateral carotid endartectomy. AND he spends way too much time in his recliner! This same man wouldn't miss a day of work unless he was half dead and he hands over his check every payday. He would drive day and night to pick up either of our girls if they needed him. He loves my mom and Granny almost as much as I do. If you called him and said, "I'm Sue's friend, we've never met and my car won't start".........he would be out of the door in a flash to help you out. What an incredible father he has been. I know he loves our girls as much as I do! He has never complained about how much I've spent on either child....no matter how out of budget I went. Since he knows how I hate to cook....he hasn't complained (much) about the 20,000 fast food meals we've consumed. He almost drowned as a child....which is why he doesn't swim.......and maybe if we didn't make fun of his ultra white legs.....he'd wear shorts. He doesn't drink alcohol and is forbidden to use the words that are unacceptable to children's ears (and mine). He hates to leave our sleepy little town.....but, encourages me to go where I want to and he always seems happy to see me as I make it back up the driveway. I cannot begin to tell you the number of conversations I've had with God about him. "Lord, I'm so UNhappy. Life is too short and I know you don't want me to be UNhappy!" He'd whisper....."Make yourself happy with him, Sue" "I can't live with him another minute, Lord. You're up there watching the whole vast universe and I don't think you see me down here, miserable!" "Oh, I see you. I'm here, always and forever. Speak to me." "I am speaking to you! I want to have some peace in my life, you know, Lord....but I don't want you mad at me! He's driving me crazy!" "And he's doing what?" "First of all....he's breathing my air!" "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, SUE!" I spent so many years praying for God to change him. God doesn't play fair sometimes. It seems that all along God was changing me. I had to come face to face with the fact that 'submissiveness' just isn't my best quality. (Not even close!) But, I spend a small part of each day working on it. I was so busy with my girls and my life that I didn't realize how little of myself I gave to him. I concentrated on the fact that we were polar opposites and he would never be able to fill that part of me that needed filled. I didn't realize I wasn't playing fair either because I hadn't reached into myself to give him the part of me that needed nurturing. The poor man was walking in the dark. He didn't have a clue. I think we both wondered if love was enough. We were at a family reunion and someone asked where he was. I gleefully told them he was working overtime! Someone said, "Poor Leonard." It's become a family joke to say "Poor Leonard" because it grates on my last nerve! My own mother looked at me and said, "Do you notice no one ever says, "Poor Sue"? It felt like ice water had been dumped on my head. It was SO very true! That day my eyes started to open. So, at the ripe old age of 47, I've learned that happiness is a state of mind. You can be hopelessly in love and decide you don't want to be happy. He still does things that drive me totally over the edge. But, I am receiving the nuturing that I have so long desired. I made up my mind that's he's not responsible for my happiness with him.....I am. I can hold grudges over what he's not done or done badly....or I embrace all the fine things he does so well. So this morning, and hopefully every morning for the next 50 years, I choose to keep my family whole, to love with all my heart and please God and myself. Sue Henley [EMAIL PROTECTED] _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. **************************************************************** This mail is generated from JOYnet, a Jesus Youth mailing list. 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